I know this journey is so much more than a goal met or a scheduled end. It's our life. It's our running after the Lord with all we have. And to do that we need to drop our baggage we so desperately cling to. How can you run when things are weighing you down.
There are some changes that will be made soon that I know are good, but sad because it is giving up something in me that I thought I longed for. But in reality I long for something so much more.
I long to:
Be the best helpmeet I can be
Grow my family in the knowledge of the Lord
Love so much it hurts
Create in a new way
Worship with everything I have
Run to my first Love
Give of myself
Teach wonderful truths to little hearts
Make a difference even if it's just to one person
Be free of the things that hold me back
Use everything given to me to the fullest
Have faith in God and God alone
Sow into the body of Christ
Touch the lives of the lost in a profound way that leaves them changed
Shine the Light of Christ in everything that I do or say
Follow the Word of the Lord everyday
My heart is literally aching for all of these things to be manifest in my life. I have other longings of course, but this is the heart cry for my life. And I don't want it to end here as a typed out list or die on the vine that it would not bear fruit. I need to be passionately pursuing this with every fiber of my being.
I found my journal from when I first began my walk over 4 years ago. I was reading it and I saw the wholeheartedness I once thrived on. I want that back. I don't want it to be taken away by "life". Life should not take away from pursuit of the Lord. Pursuit of the Lord will give you life abundantly.
I've been so wrapped up in getting by, that I stopped truly living. I was just making it through each day. Where is the joy? Joy does not lie in "oh well I made it through another day, I guess I will do it again tomorrow". It lies in "Today is the day the Lord has made. I will REJOICE and be glad in it."