Friday, November 27, 2009

Thanksgiving Blessings

This year was great! That is pretty much the first time I can say that. Both the hubster's family and my own have a history of ugly holidays. Fights, crying, harsh words (sometimes, fisticuffs). Sad, but true.

We prayed into the Thanksgiving holiday so much this year and took authority over anything that would try to steal, kill or destroy our joy. We prayed to be the light of Christ to our families. God showed up in such a big way that it makes me cry.

On Wednesday we got to visit with the hubster's sister, baby boy Tyler =), and the hubster's mother. We had a blast. Only thing I did not cover in prayer was the topic of my miscarriage. I have such peace about it now that I forgot to pray that no one would feel weird or obligated to go out of their way for me. That was the only awkward point is when people would ask about it, like I was fragile. Of course the enemy likes to seize those opportunities when you are not prayed up in a certain area, so I did cry a little on our way home.

We played with Tyler and he is such a happy baby! We had a great lunch, shopping, and helping out around the hubster's sister's house. So much fun!

The biggest blessing of all came the next day when we had called the hubster's grandma in Alabama to wish her happy Thanksgiving. She said she had talked to his mom earlier that day and said she saw how happy we were. That made me cry! (If you can't tell I'm a crier for any ocassion.) The Lord showed His Joy through us like we had prayed and his mother could see it!

Thursday we went to my family's house out in the country. We laughed so hard we were in tears! We loved on everyone, especially the newest member of the family, Brayden. So much love flows in that place. Not everyone walks with the Lord, but love abounds there that the Holy Spirit comes to subdue any issue that may arise. I even got to minister to some cousins!

Man the Lord is good. That is only one of the countless reasons that I am thankful this year! Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

The light at the end of the tunnel

Almost there! I repeat almost there!

I am almost finished with the physical part of miscarriage. It has certainly felt like a long month. I'm so thankful the Lord has been so good to us. He has healed our hearts and gently spoken to us through this whole process.

I have felt more physically better the last few days so I seem to be regaining some of my old get up and go. I have really come along way in my emotional, spiritual, and thought life healing as well. Yes those negative thoughts and feelings will try to creep up, but the important thing to do is to proclaim that your spirit is in charge of your mind, will and emotions.

Alot of people are amazed that I'm not depressed and I don't see that there is a need to be. All you have to do is trust the Lord and He will see you through. Yes I do cry on occasion, but the Lord holds me through those too.

I have had those moments when I see someone pregnant and I feel that twinge of "why can't that be me?" And the Lord reminds me again, "that is their path, I chose this path for you." He is always right. Praise the Lord because He is the Author of my days! The Lord gives grace when it is needed and He has given me joy for others. I can now celebrate in their bundles of joy with them rather than be jealous of their blessing. My blessing is coming and this experience too is a blessing. The Lord will use this testimony to reach many women who have suffered through child loss. I hope that one day it will speak of His glory!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Things that go bump in the night

So I'm not a fan of horror movies. I detest them! They open gateways that shouldn't be there. (I used to love them in my heathen days.) Our house has become a host of creeks, scratching, and skittering right out of a horror flick.

Trust me I'm not scared, I'm more annoyed. The creatures that have set up shop up there give us a nightly array of noise. Just now they ran from one end of the house to the other over and over again.

We have set a humane catch and release trap up there, but we have had no takers. I was sure that it was an opossum or a raccoon because they sounded so heavy. Well yesterday I looked out my window at the oaks trees in the front. I saw the HUGEST squirrels I have ever seen in my life. These things were ginormous. They lumbered from tree limb to tree limb. They were not nimble like their smaller and cuter counter parts. These things were beefy! Squirrels on steroids!

It is now entirely possible we have mutant squirrels living in our attic who are super geniuses that are too smart for our pitiful trap. I have searched the Internet and sadly have not found any pics of these freakish monsters.

I shudder to think what could happen if left unchecked...Image courtesy: Flicker

OK maybe now I'm scared. We may need to call in reinforcements...Image courtesy: Wordpress

Monday, November 9, 2009

On second thought...

So my wait wasn't completely over after all. Saturday night I had extreme pain and ended up going to the emergency clinic the next day because I still have some retained "products of conception." In other words, my miscarriage is not fully done.

The physical pain has been excruciating but I am trying my best to tough it out (not without complaining, but I'm trying to stop that too). They gave me antibiotics to prevent infection. This is supposed to buy me more time in order to pass everything naturally.

The Lord has been so faithful and is holding our hands through this. He hugged me this morning and said "Just a little longer, you can hold on. It's almost over." And I believe Him and I trust Him.

So I wait a little while longer. It's God's way of further testing our faith. I want to pass every test He gives me.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


The waiting is over. The miscarriage completed yesterday. My body was still under the impression that I was pregnant so I had to help it along with drugs. I took Misoprostol and an herbal remedy a friend provided on Monday night about 8 PM.

I started cramping around 10 PM and it continued into the night. It was painful and frustrating because of the lack of bleeding. I finally started the heavy bleeding at around 7:30 AM yesterday (Tuesday). I stayed in the bathroom pretty much all day.

I was scared at first because of my lack of knowledge, but the Lord saw us through. The hubster was at my side the whole day. We both found strength we didn't know we had. It was from the wellspring that God has placed in us and the knowledge that God knows we could handle this.

I have a peace today that I haven't had in almost two weeks. I feel calm and still. Even my boss could see it today at work when she came in. I have no doubt the Lord will give us children in the future. I have no doubt that He loves us. I have no doubt that He keeps His promises. I have no doubt that He knows what He is doing and His judgements are perfect.

All that is left now: a slight tug at my heart called memory, a small tear in my eye called absence, a leap in my heart called hope, a smile on my face called joy, a knowledge in my mind called faith, a calm in my spirit called peace, and a set of arms around me called Love.

Thank You Lord for You are faithful. I will always carry that with me. You have shown us Your unfailing Love. I am reminded of the lyrics "And You said 'I know that this will hurt, but if I don't break your heart things will just get worse. If the burden seems too much to bear, remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get Us there." Lord I know You chose us to go through this because You knew we could handle it. That we could persevere. I thank You for holding us through all of this and we trust You. Thank You for the wisdom and revelation that we have had through all of this and the wisdom and revelation that is to come. We are in hopeful anticipation of Your will. Praise Your Holy Name!