Friday, February 7, 2014

Challenges

Not having your days full of stuff to do/go, go, go really makes you think.  A lot.  About your life.  And yourself.  And mistakes.

Basically, you can go stir crazy in the silence and the stillness.  I have done major amounts of reflecting, beating myself up, second guessing whole conversations, meditating on past or current wrong doing on my part, and generally just letting my thoughts beat me up.

It's a tough feeling.  And can be very lonely.

Praise the Lord, He sends the cavalry in.  I have had numerous texts and calls for people to come hang out with me for a few hours.  I gladly accept!  And I have been having so much fun talking to so many people about anything and everything.  I'm getting to know people that I didn't have deeper relationship with a lot better and it's wonderful to see things bloom.

There are so many ups and downs in this season.  The highs are high.  Joyful visits.  Meaningful conversations.  Wisdom and revelation.  Worship and praise in the midst.  And the lows are extremely low.  What if's asked.  Doubts and fears.  Misconceptions.  Questioning the strength of things.

At the end of the day I have to remind myself to 1.) be thankful and 2.) my God is so much bigger than all of this.





Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Baby On Board

It's been a LONG time since I last posted.  For one I'm pregnant with baby number 2.  My sweet squirmy baby is due late May/early June.

We are having a few complications this go around.  I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism.  Not the funnest (or safest) thing to have while pregnant.  Last week, I started having contractions and bleeding which landed me in the hospital overnight.  They called it a threatened miscarriage and when they did an ultrasound they saw that I had the beginnings of placenta previa.  So this mommy is on bed rest.  Praise the Lord the baby is ok.

I have such an amazing well of support in my life and I'm so grateful!  My parents who where Johnny on the Spot and stayed all weekend.  My sister and brother in law that came and rearranged furniture to make the bedroom more bed rest and eventually baby friendly.  My awesome BFF's who have called, texted, hung out etc. And my amazing church family who has brought meals and prayed continuously for us on this journey.

Mostly I cannot give my husband enough props! He is doing the job of ten men right now.  Cooking, cleaning, toddler wrangling, errands, laundry and going to his regular job to name a few.  He also surprised me with a laptop so I'm not so lonely and I can still do the admin side of my job.  He is a wonderful gift from God and I love him dearly.

I know that bed rest is tough but necessary.  For this busy go, go, go person, sitting still can be torture.  But I want to be acceptance-with-joy and not complain (so much).  I'm learning that in this season.

Another thing I'm learning.  That the Lord is forcing my internal Martha to sit at the feet of Jesus and become a Mary.  This morning I worshipped for the first time since I don't know when.  Not like worship at church where you are dancing with your child (which is still fun, but has it's distractions), but really just me and Him worship.

I've also been finishing the mountain of half read books on my shelf.  And can I tell you how life changing it is!  My heart was fully tenderized for the messages that were waiting.  I will write in later posts about that as well.

Until then prayers for a full term, healthy baby.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Lalaloopsy Doll House Makeover

We were given this awesome huge doll house by a friends brother for Zoe.  They had painted the roof pink and the rest of the house white.  Zoe was still too little for dolls so we housed her stuffed animals until she got into a doll.  Turns out she loved the Lalaloopsy movie when we had Netflix and wouldn't ya know it, those dolls (slightly larger than the average) fit perfectly in the doll house.  She has a few already but there are a few others we want to get or are being stored for her birthday at Nene's house.

Wish I had a before pic, but don't sorry.

The house! We repainted the top to go with her "big girl" room colors (gray, yellow and purple) a pretty mellow yellow.  

Tippy Tumbelina's room, very girly and sophisticated.

Pillow and Blanket coming soon.  Their room.  Stars, clouds, rainbows and sky blue. Perfect for napping.

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Spot and Scribbles room.  Looks like messy fun. 

The country gals: Sunny, Prairie and Trouble.  Pink plaid and yellow chevron pattern for wall. 

Knowledge is power.  School room/superhero room.  (Bea, Specs, Peanut,and Dot coming soon).  April and Dyna.

Bea's I Heart School rug.  If only it said I heart homeschool...

Crumbs and Sprinkles in the kitchen. 

I used scrapbook paper and some scrapbook fabric embellishments for the walls.  I did paint the chalkboard on the wall (and put a scrapbook rug on the ground to cover up a spill...ooops).  I intend to add "pictures" and other decorative accents in the future.  I will post when they are available.  

I used alot of stuff I already had, but had to get a few things here and there.  So all in all, this makeover was around $10! Cheap and pretty.  Zoe thinks so too.  I was finishing up while she was napping and she came in and said "ooooohhhhh Mommy pretty!"  

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Controlling and casting out the anger beast

I had a little problem.  Just a tiny one really.  Ok, it was big.  HUGE to be exact.  I struggled with anger.  I say all this in the past tense to show that I'm not 100% free yet, but I will be in Jesus name!

Over the last few years I have seen the anger boiling over from time to time.  I didn't like it but I assumed it was normal when your stretched thin.  Well those times became more frequent, then I realized I'm living in a yelling house.  I grew up in a yelling house and thought about how it was so frought with tension.  While living in it, it felt normal.  But seeing the destruction of anger now manifesting regularly I could see the wear and tear.  Most noticeably in my daughter.

Our kids are perfect little mirrors.  They display what they see.  And my daughter was seeing us grumble, growl through gritted teeth in frustration, yell, scream, etc.  So she started demonstrating what she saw.  It hit home one day when I put her in time out and she yelled at me at the top of her lungs "I'M ANGRY!!!!"  Pierce my heart!  I was floored by this thing that had manifested in my daughter and what she was manifesting was me.  

I confessed to a group of friends last week that I struggle with anger.  They prayed for me and a friend talked to me a little while later about her struggle.  Her testimony and wisdom was priceless!  By confessing, repenting and now walking it out, I was seeing my daughter, husband, home and life in general in a new light.  One thing she told me was that rocks are sound recorders.  What ever is said to a rock (or concrete) is recorded and it echos it back in the spirit.  So I had been spewing out nastyness and we were actually living in a broken record of anger.  It explained so much.

So we needed to rerecord something new.  Something of the Lord.  We started worshipping more and more.  Played the audio Bible.  And are doing our best to control our tongues.  It is difficult for sure.  When dysfunction is your norm, breaking the cycle isn't easy.

But even after a week of trying, I see improvements in my relationship with my daughter.  My husband and I are slower to anger each other.  And the house is coming into a season of joy!  

I made the scripture scrapbook for my daughter and I remembered a scripture passage I put in there.  Ephesians 4:26-29: In your anger do not sin.  Do not give the devil a foothold.  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.  I definitely want to start building instead of tearing down!     

Saturday, May 18, 2013

What's new

Haven't written in a while.  Last post was a stressful one for sure.  Things are better, lol.

Potty training is going well!  Our sweet girl is getting it down.  Praise the Lord!  We are busy with celebrations galore.  Lots of babies being born, birthdays coming up, and graduation after graduation.  So our social schedule is pretty packed for the next month and a half.  

We have had some trials, ups and downs, and so on, but God is good all the time.  

We are doing a Genesis 1:29 challenge for 40 days.  I honestly can't remember what day we are on at the moment, but it is going well.  The vegan life is totally agreeing with us.  Our daughter didn't like meat in the first place so it wasn't a big change for her.  I still crave stuff, but I know it won't last forever.  I have lost weight, my inflamed joints don't hurt.  I can actually get up from the ground and it isn't an event, as in it doesn't take forever and it doesn't hurt.  When you work with kids having all these improvements are AWESOME!! I can run around for a lot longer now.  Totally beneficial.  

As of right now though.  I feel all weird and awkward.  Like I'm out of place....  Weird right?  Don't know what it's about.  

Saturday, April 20, 2013

And today wasn't great...

We had a rough day.  We are at the end of a week of trying to potty train.  Which wasn't terribly successful, but not a complete fail either.  We have had power struggles and ups and downs.  Today was a pretty down day.

Woke up exhausted which already puts mommy on edge.  My daughter was full on defiant for 85% of the day so I believe I yelled for like 75%.  I was ready to pull my hair out numerous times.

It was a long day without Daddy home because he was working overtime.

At the end of a long, hard day like today I feel like a failure.  That my anger got the better of me.  That I didn't love and correct... I scolded and yelled.  I didn't show my daughter Jesus.  She is my first ministry and when I'm not feeling it, I blow up. Lots of time outs, lots of NOs, lots of "why aren't you listening to me?", on and on.  Worst mom of the year award should go to me.

I know that children help pull out of you the sin in your heart and bring it to the light.  Truth is my fuse isn't very long.  I don't have grace in abundance.  But this is what I'm displaying to my child that there is no grace.  Don't get me wrong grace is not a licence to sin, but an exhortation to pursue holiness.  I'm not motivating her to want to do the right thing.

It's hard to have a ministry that sees your every weakness.  If you have a ministry outside the home you have a retreat.  When you are with them (children or spouse) 24/7, they see the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Well how do I show less bad and ugly and start showing the good? How do you pursue holiness and show it to your child?  Especially one that is extremely strong willed.  How do you sow into their redemptive gift and raise them rightly?

These have all been heavy on my heart the last few weeks.  The desire to be a mother after God's own heart, training up children the way that they should go, but feeling overwhelmed and defeated most days.  I know Mommy Guilt is very real, and the accuser wants to beat us with it, but I know that this is only a season and the devil is a liar.  

Through the exhaustion, guilt, ponderings, and drained feelings, I can only thank God that His mercies are new every morning.  I get another shot to get it right tomorrow.  Not that it will ever be 100%, but we can get close.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Scripture written on hearts of flesh

When my daughters was very little, I saw this on Pinterest...Scripture Scraps by Carissa Graham.

I made one for my niece and nephew after they were baptized about a year later and started one for my own daughter.

I put down the book half finished for over another year.  My plate was full and I was overwhelmed.  Well a sweet friend posted a pic of some journals her daughter and she had decorated.  This spurred me to pick it up and finish this sweet little gift for my daughter.

I sought the Lord for most of my scriptures.  Some He had already spoken over Zoe, but some He wants her to cherish.  And some totally corresponded to the page design in the book.  It was a perfect book for my daughter!  It was nice to set aside the time to press in to prayer for my daughter and her future.  More so than the daily prayers we usually pray.  

Here are some pics.  I used the Retro (light blue) Smash book for her.









Love this idea and am going to work on one for myself.  Just nice reminders of what the Lord has spoken/is speaking to you.