Saturday, May 15, 2010

New Season

I have been so swamped that it's been hard to write. I have also been dealing with spiritual warfare which has made it hard also. The season that the Lord had me in where I was searching was a transition season. It was peaceful and invigorating at the same time. Well I have come into a new season that is difficult, wonderful, scary, amazing, and kinda disheartening all at the same time.

I found out a few weeks ago that I am pregnant again. I took the at home test and just stared at the result and was like "what do I do now?" Don't get me wrong we were ttc and both very excited. Before I was pregnant I would always say I will not let fear rule me. Boy was I wrong. Fear jumped up and down on me making me a nutcase.

My hormone levels are really high, much higher than they ever got with my first pregnancy. We have not had our ultrasound and I can't help but wonder if we will see the same thing. A lifeless baby. I know it sounds sick, but that's my only experience to go by thus far.

I have been leaning on the Lord for everything. Help with the fear, help with the pregnancy, praying for every bit of my life to come into alignment with His Word. When that voice tells me "you still have two weeks to the ultrasound, anything can happen between now and then" I have to fight. Fight for my sanity and my baby's life. I can't let fear rule me. I keep asking Lord, what's going on and he replies with another question... "Do you trust Me?" I keep saying yes and I will keep saying yes.

So I guess this is my season of trusting. I found the Lord in my season of searching and He wants to know if I trust what I found. Like I said I will keep saying yes.