Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Adventures in Eating: Addiction

Food addiction is very real. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. I have heard it all before "there is no such thing", "yeah I'm addicted to breathing too, haha", "food is essential to your life, you can't be addicted to it", and so on and on and on.

Well I know for me it is a big problem in my life. I felt compelled to confess this because I know if we confess our sins and repent we will be forgiven. Not that eating is a sin, but how and what I am eating is!

My mother and I went to Party City the other day to buy things for a "Black Beauty" book party we are throwing in a couple of weeks (more details on that to come). My mom pointed out the black and white M&Ms and I was like sure! Let's get some. She said ok, we will store everything at your place and I said "WHOA!" No thanks, we will store it at yours cause I will eat those stinking M&M's. It's only two small bags you say, but I know I will eat them all IN ONE SITTING! Which is in no way healthy or in moderation.

Well lo and behold the bags got left in my car and we bring them in. The chocolate calls to me the whole day. I can't get them off my brain. I finally break down and get the white M&Ms out. Start chowing down like there is no tomorrow. It's like it's my last meal! What is going on?

I put the bag down, much lighter than when I picked it up. I now have a headache from the sugar. I am ashamed of how much power this stronghold has on me.

So I decide, that's it!!! I'm throwing these bags away. We don't need them at the party since we will have cake. We don't need the extra sugar. We certainly don't need them in this house! So in the trash they go.

Step one complete!

I wanted to include in this post some characteristics of a food addict.

1. Being obsessed and/or preoccupied with food.- I will often think about dinner or lunch before I even have breakfast. And not in a menu planning sort of way. I will think about how good it will be or how I can't wait. And I will think about it ALL DAY LONG!

2. Having a lack of self-control when it comes to food.-See above.

3. Having a compulsion about food in which eating results in a cycle of bingeing despite negative consequences.-Again see above.

4. Remembering a sense of pleasure and/or comfort with food and being unable to stop using food to create a sense of pleasure and comfort.- Check!

5. Having a need to eat which results in a physical craving.- I eat when I'm not hungry. I eat just because someone mentions something about food.

There are other facets and caveats to this addiction. Food addiction is a control factor also. You may eat "uncontrollably", but in reality you are eating because it's the only thing you can control at that moment. I eat more when I'm sad or stressed out. I still eat a lot when I'm happy, joyful, and even indifferent or bored. But times of stress I tend to pig out! There is so much chaos going on around me that I will eat for the comfort of it and say "this burger is the only thing in my life at this moment in time that is constant. Everything else may be falling apart, but right now this burger is what makes my life happy." SICK! MY JOY DOESN'T COME FROM A BURGER!

That is what I need to keep telling myself over and over till it sinks in. My joy does not come from x, y or z, but from Jesus! That's it!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Adventures in Eating: It's a messy business....

... This cooking thing. My sink was empty not five minutes before this. Guess that's what happens when your cooking more at home and you make your own baby food. Lots of dishes.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Adventures in Eating: You look away for a second...

This is what happens when you run to answer the door while feeding a baby sweet potato. I had set the bowl far enough away that she couldn't reach it. Well, she figured out if you pull the towel, things faraway get closer to you. I come back and she is covered in sweet potato. This pic does not do it justice. It's down her chest and all over her face. And of course she has the spoon in hand and is messily feeding herself. Good heavens, my child is a nut! She is also a smarty pants.

It was very not funny at the moment. But is slowly becoming funny.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Adventures in Eating: Peas Please

So it's been awhile. We have been busy around here. Lot's of things going on. Teething, croup, ear infection, etc. But we did let Zoe try some peas. She loved them for the first two days, but then decided nah! It could have been that she was not happy with a cooler temp. Who knows? Babies can be fickle, that's for sure.

We will be trying peas again soon. Up next carrots and butternut squash.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

The Response

I had the amazing privilege of attending this once in a lifetime event. The Lord was there and over 30,000 people broke down denominational barriers to cry out to God with one heart, one mind, and one voice saying "HEAL OUR LAND, LORD!"

We got their early to get good parking and because our friends we rode with were apart of a prayer team that had to meet an hour before the doors opened. We settled into our seats and already I felt the attack. Some of our group were sitting in another area. That rejection thing started gnawing at me. I wrestled with "is there more anointing in that place?", "why can't we all sit together", and "they are going to be blessed more than us". (So ridiculous right!)

While these things are floating around in my brain, I start to tell myself quit that! You are being so silly! Well the Lord chimes in with "Close your eyes!" So I closed them. He revealed to me how I was looking at everyone with jealousy and contempt. I was envious of what was going on "over there" when I needed to be content with what was going on "right here". I spent about 30-45 minutes with my eyes closed repenting to God for these ugly things and asking Him to take them away. My heart breaking with each revelation.

Then He told me "Open your eyes." So I did and a wave of love washed over me as He said "Don't you see how beautiful this is!" I began to weep as He showed me a picture of Himself weeping with joy over His Bride longing for Him in unity. He was so moved and the thought of it makes me cry even now. He longs for us so much, but how often do we long for Him? I know not nearly often enough.

He then showed me another vision of myself as a very little girl running to Him and getting tangled in His robes as I hugged His leg. You know, the way little kids do when they see their parents. He was showing me that that's who He is. A good parent who delights in us and wants us to run to Him with faith like a child.

We all heard powerful prayers and praised, worshiped, and loved the Lord with all we had that day. The intensity and sincerity of it was palpable. I have prayed that I would not become complacent again, that I would press on and go even deeper with the Lord, but sadly I have felt the tapering off again. This has made me want to push past the plateu and keep going. I don't want to get complacent. I don't want other things to distract me. I don't want another lover of my soul. I want You Lord and that's it. "I'm in love with God and God's in love with me. This is who I am and this is who I'm going to be and that settles it. Completely"

I wrestle now with my time. I give so much of my time to things of this world. I can't be a friend of the world and a friend of God. It doesn't work that way. I notice when I spend all day working at the computer for my business or watching trashy daytime TV game shows, I feel those things the Lord broke off me that day start to scratch at my door begging to come back in. I have to keep my resolve no matter what.

Father God, My prayer today is that I will rest under Your wing and that You will shelter me there. Because it is under Your wing that the heartbeat is. I want to lay next to Your chest and hear Your heartbeat just as John did. That is the source of true intimacy with You, God. That we would consistently ask what Your thinking, what Your heart wants. Reveal Your heart to me and my family God. Would You let me love You more. I am lovesick for You, God. I do not want to run from Your presence. I want to run to it! With a zeal unmatched by anything that could catch my eye. Help me to guard my heart, eyes, ears, tongue, and thoughts God. I know these are the inroads to death in the spirit Lord and I want nothing to do with idleness. I want to think on things lovely, noble, and righteous. Even now as thoughts try to creep in of rejection, praise, and doubt, let me shun them and say "Out! For this mind is in love with Jesus! You have no place here!" Father God, reveal to me your heart. I am listening.

In Jesus Name,

Monday, August 1, 2011

Adventures in Eating: The First Tooth

Zoe has her first tooth coming in! It is a little sharp ridge at the moment. It's still a little under the surface. I wanted to cry when I felt and saw it! My baby is growing up!

So to help relieve the teething discomfort I gave her a teething feeder with a frozen sweet potato cube inside. She loves sweet potato so this was totally right up her alley! She went to town on that thing and of course got it all over herself and everything around her.

This thing was an instant hit! She loved the coldness and it was safely enclosed in the mesh which she found that feeding herself this way was perfect for her.

Mmmmm, that cold sweet potato is great. Helps relieve the gum pressure!