Lalaloopsy Doll House Makeover

We were given this awesome huge doll house by a friends brother for Zoe.  They had painted the roof pink and the rest of the house white.  Zoe was still too little for dolls so we housed her stuffed animals until she got into a doll.  Turns out she loved the Lalaloopsy movie when we had Netflix and wouldn't ya know it, those dolls (slightly larger than the average) fit perfectly in the doll house.  She has a few already but there are a few others we want to get or are being stored for her birthday at Nene's house.

Wish I had a before pic, but don't sorry.

The house! We repainted the top to go with her "big girl" room colors (gray, yellow and purple) a pretty mellow yellow.  

Tippy Tumbelina's room, very girly and sophisticated.

Pillow and Blanket coming soon.  Their room.  Stars, clouds, rainbows and sky blue. Perfect for napping.

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Spot and Scribbles room.  Looks like messy fun. 

The country gals: Sunny, Prairie and Trouble.  Pink plaid and yellow chevron pattern for wall. 

Knowledge is power.  School room/superhero room.  (Bea, Specs, Peanut,and Dot coming soon).  April and Dyna.

Bea's I Heart School rug.  If only it said I heart homeschool...

Crumbs and Sprinkles in the kitchen. 

I used scrapbook paper and some scrapbook fabric embellishments for the walls.  I did paint the chalkboard on the wall (and put a scrapbook rug on the ground to cover up a spill...ooops).  I intend to add "pictures" and other decorative accents in the future.  I will post when they are available.  

I used alot of stuff I already had, but had to get a few things here and there.  So all in all, this makeover was around $10! Cheap and pretty.  Zoe thinks so too.  I was finishing up while she was napping and she came in and said "ooooohhhhh Mommy pretty!"  

Controlling and casting out the anger beast

I had a little problem.  Just a tiny one really.  Ok, it was big.  HUGE to be exact.  I struggled with anger.  I say all this in the past tense to show that I'm not 100% free yet, but I will be in Jesus name!

Over the last few years I have seen the anger boiling over from time to time.  I didn't like it but I assumed it was normal when your stretched thin.  Well those times became more frequent, then I realized I'm living in a yelling house.  I grew up in a yelling house and thought about how it was so frought with tension.  While living in it, it felt normal.  But seeing the destruction of anger now manifesting regularly I could see the wear and tear.  Most noticeably in my daughter.

Our kids are perfect little mirrors.  They display what they see.  And my daughter was seeing us grumble, growl through gritted teeth in frustration, yell, scream, etc.  So she started demonstrating what she saw.  It hit home one day when I put her in time out and she yelled at me at the top of her lungs "I'M ANGRY!!!!"  Pierce my heart!  I was floored by this thing that had manifested in my daughter and what she was manifesting was me.  

I confessed to a group of friends last week that I struggle with anger.  They prayed for me and a friend talked to me a little while later about her struggle.  Her testimony and wisdom was priceless!  By confessing, repenting and now walking it out, I was seeing my daughter, husband, home and life in general in a new light.  One thing she told me was that rocks are sound recorders.  What ever is said to a rock (or concrete) is recorded and it echos it back in the spirit.  So I had been spewing out nastyness and we were actually living in a broken record of anger.  It explained so much.

So we needed to rerecord something new.  Something of the Lord.  We started worshipping more and more.  Played the audio Bible.  And are doing our best to control our tongues.  It is difficult for sure.  When dysfunction is your norm, breaking the cycle isn't easy.

But even after a week of trying, I see improvements in my relationship with my daughter.  My husband and I are slower to anger each other.  And the house is coming into a season of joy!  

I made the scripture scrapbook for my daughter and I remembered a scripture passage I put in there.  Ephesians 4:26-29: In your anger do not sin.  Do not give the devil a foothold.  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.  I definitely want to start building instead of tearing down!     

What's new

Haven't written in a while.  Last post was a stressful one for sure.  Things are better, lol.

Potty training is going well!  Our sweet girl is getting it down.  Praise the Lord!  We are busy with celebrations galore.  Lots of babies being born, birthdays coming up, and graduation after graduation.  So our social schedule is pretty packed for the next month and a half.  

We have had some trials, ups and downs, and so on, but God is good all the time.  

We are doing a Genesis 1:29 challenge for 40 days.  I honestly can't remember what day we are on at the moment, but it is going well.  The vegan life is totally agreeing with us.  Our daughter didn't like meat in the first place so it wasn't a big change for her.  I still crave stuff, but I know it won't last forever.  I have lost weight, my inflamed joints don't hurt.  I can actually get up from the ground and it isn't an event, as in it doesn't take forever and it doesn't hurt.  When you work with kids having all these improvements are AWESOME!! I can run around for a lot longer now.  Totally beneficial.  

As of right now though.  I feel all weird and awkward.  Like I'm out of place....  Weird right?  Don't know what it's about.  

And today wasn't great...

We had a rough day.  We are at the end of a week of trying to potty train.  Which wasn't terribly successful, but not a complete fail either.  We have had power struggles and ups and downs.  Today was a pretty down day.

Woke up exhausted which already puts mommy on edge.  My daughter was full on defiant for 85% of the day so I believe I yelled for like 75%.  I was ready to pull my hair out numerous times.

It was a long day without Daddy home because he was working overtime.

At the end of a long, hard day like today I feel like a failure.  That my anger got the better of me.  That I didn't love and correct... I scolded and yelled.  I didn't show my daughter Jesus.  She is my first ministry and when I'm not feeling it, I blow up. Lots of time outs, lots of NOs, lots of "why aren't you listening to me?", on and on.  Worst mom of the year award should go to me.

I know that children help pull out of you the sin in your heart and bring it to the light.  Truth is my fuse isn't very long.  I don't have grace in abundance.  But this is what I'm displaying to my child that there is no grace.  Don't get me wrong grace is not a licence to sin, but an exhortation to pursue holiness.  I'm not motivating her to want to do the right thing.

It's hard to have a ministry that sees your every weakness.  If you have a ministry outside the home you have a retreat.  When you are with them (children or spouse) 24/7, they see the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Well how do I show less bad and ugly and start showing the good? How do you pursue holiness and show it to your child?  Especially one that is extremely strong willed.  How do you sow into their redemptive gift and raise them rightly?

These have all been heavy on my heart the last few weeks.  The desire to be a mother after God's own heart, training up children the way that they should go, but feeling overwhelmed and defeated most days.  I know Mommy Guilt is very real, and the accuser wants to beat us with it, but I know that this is only a season and the devil is a liar.  

Through the exhaustion, guilt, ponderings, and drained feelings, I can only thank God that His mercies are new every morning.  I get another shot to get it right tomorrow.  Not that it will ever be 100%, but we can get close.

Scripture written on hearts of flesh

When my daughters was very little, I saw this on Pinterest...Scripture Scraps by Carissa Graham.

I made one for my niece and nephew after they were baptized about a year later and started one for my own daughter.

I put down the book half finished for over another year.  My plate was full and I was overwhelmed.  Well a sweet friend posted a pic of some journals her daughter and she had decorated.  This spurred me to pick it up and finish this sweet little gift for my daughter.

I sought the Lord for most of my scriptures.  Some He had already spoken over Zoe, but some He wants her to cherish.  And some totally corresponded to the page design in the book.  It was a perfect book for my daughter!  It was nice to set aside the time to press in to prayer for my daughter and her future.  More so than the daily prayers we usually pray.  

Here are some pics.  I used the Retro (light blue) Smash book for her.

Love this idea and am going to work on one for myself.  Just nice reminders of what the Lord has spoken/is speaking to you.

Wild Windy West

My mother, daughter and I went back to our roots these past few days.  Back to West Texas, to a tiny town that is dying out.

Lots of happy memories have happened there.  A lot of sad ones too.  Everything about it screamed of one memory or another.

Driving through town that once had nice businesses, but are now run down.  I could almost see the original facades superimposed over the new faded and broken ones.  The statue of justice in front of the courthouse with one missing scale and cracked up her center.  The many businesses that are no longer there.  New ones that I wonder how they survive.

The Baptist church that looks exactly the same.  The red clay soil that covers your shoes anytime you step outside.  I could even see our little white tennis shoes turned an orange-red everytime we drove back to Houston.  The dry landscape that hasn't seen rain in around 3 years.  One of my favorite fragrances growing up was after it rained in West Texas.  The smell of fresh rain mixed with the red clay soil mingled with heat created the most unique and soothing smell.  You could almost sense it was the smell the ground emitted in thanksgiving for much needed rain.  It saddens me that the smell hasn't been around for that long.

My great-grandmother's house that has been modified and changed.  My great uncle's house now owned by a cousin.  His father still running his ranch on the mountain, but weary from lack of rain.

And our sweet family friend who passed away at the wonderful age of 96.  She was a second great-grandma to us.  Full of life, love, and Jesus.  She was always on the go and very determined.  Always giving out "sugars", hugs and a love of learning.  Lots of things I miss about this town, and she is definitely at the top of the list.

I wasn't particularly sad when I heard she passed.  I was at peace, because I knew she was at peace.  She lived every day to the fullest.  Smart as a whip and wise until the day she died.  I can honestly say, "I'll see you soon" instead of "goodbye" to her.  Which makes my heart so happy.

She was truly inspiring.  I hope I live my life half as well as she did.  We love you and miss you, Kewpie, but "it's just a little while longer, till I see you.  Just a little while longer till I know you.  Just a little while longer and we will be together."

Facing the Accuser

This post has been sitting in my draft pile for a long time now.  Just a title, nothing typed in the body.  Just waiting for the right words.

I have had so much freedom and so much warfare since typing that title.  Where to begin?...

I found out recently what my redemptive gift was, Mercy.  Well Mercy's are people pleasers.  To that I said a hearty "duh"!  Because that is me to a T.  I will go out of my way to please people.  It's a stronghold in my life that I have battled against since I was born basically.  I will go more in depth on the redemptive gifts stuff in other posts, but basically it explains my whole life.

A few weeks ago, I attended a class talking more in depth about our redemptive gifts and the strongholds behind them.  The teacher said that each of us have a foundational lie in our lives.  Something that is the root lie that we have believed our entire lives.  It is tied to our gift and it explains so much of our struggle everyday.

I thought wow, that seems intense, I'm no where near finding mine out.  Boy was I wrong!  Later that night I was talking to a friend about the same issue I have every week, sometimes every day.  I have an issue interacting with people.  I will go someplace, be around people I love and care for, then go home and pick apart every part of our interaction and see how I messed up the whole thing and how they must hate me for it.  CRAZY SAUCE!  I know!

Well she was reassuring me yet again, that yes I am indeed crazy.  Lol, it was more like why do you believe that about yourself.  The Lord struck my heart in a whole new way in the midst of her praying for me.  He revealed how I have always believed the lie "I'm no good and I will never be any good."  I wept and wept.

The next 24 hours the Lord revealed every area I have believed that lie in my life.  It ties into how I want to be well liked, but I'm sure that will never happen because I'm no good.  He even reeled it all the way back to before birth.  Rejection by my father.  Growing up feeling rejected by every family member, either perceived or real.  Classmates who said harsh things that stuck out as truth but were bald faced lies.

That was a sobering 24 hours.  The Lord reminded me to meditate on what He alone says about me.  Praise of man is but a vapor, but the Word of the Lord is eternal.  I was on a whole new playing field!

There was pep in my step for a whole week.  Then I was tested.  I was in a situation that caused me to listen to the lies again.  I was crying out to God.  He reminded me "what is your foundational lie?"  I told Him, "that I'm no good".  And He said "and what do I say about you?"  I said "that I'm loved and cherished, but God You must not really know me.  I am pretty bad.  Do you know what I've done in my life?  You really must not know the real me."  Then I stopped myself and chuckled thinking "did I just argue with God about HIS Word?"  That helped get me off the crazy train and back to the heart of the matter.

Satan comes with so many accusations.  He uses anything that will get us off track.  He will flat out lie, lie with a truth, lie with our history, and on and on.  The only truth that matters is His.  Each time Satan comes with lies, I have to face my accuser and call him out for what he is, a liar.

There is so much freedom in knowing these things.  I was so afraid of finding out that it would mean more pain and anguish.  Some things are painful to sift through, but there is a new depth of joy underneath each one.  I can't help but rejoice in His truth!  Worship has taken on a whole new meaning in the last few weeks. I feel like I'm not weighed down by staring, judgmental eyes (eyes that were never focused on me to begin with) and I can move in a new direction.  Keeping step with the King.  Not fighting against the flow of the Holy Spirit, but in the river rush towards the heart of God.

Renewal

When we come to God, we have a renewal.  A renewal of life because we are made new again.

I just watched a video of Anne Rice for I am Second.  Oh my goodness, I was so moved.  Anne Rice and her vampire chronicles made such an impact on my adolescent, young adult life.  I was pagan during high school and college.  I read every novel she wrote and admired her writing so deeply.  Vampires were very much an attraction to me.  Watching her video about her return to faith in Jesus was amazing.

I put those novels away when I came to Christ and was saddened by the fact that such a wonderful writer could write about such things.  Yet, there was always something in them that spoke of God.  Not that they honored him, mind you, but some sort of sadness that seemed overwhelming.  In the video she spoke of how she reflected on her novels and how she really can see that there was a longing for God written out on the pages, not explicitly but subtly.

I can relate.  I grew up in a household that went to church on Sundays, but did not understand the fullness of God's glory.  I turned away from God in order to "fulfill myself" at a young age, instead of embracing the true fulfillment of Christ.  All through my wanderings, everything I tried to do subconsciously reached out for God.  I tried to "harness" power through witchcraft that was not mine to hold.  I longed for status and prominence.  I wanted to walk in authority, but had none.

I wanted all the things God promises, but through my own way and understanding.

Looking back, I can see how all these efforts to "fulfill" myself where such a sad attempt and a crying out to God.  I struggled, and still do on occasion, with knowing God loves me despite my past.  And that, yes, purity is for EVERYONE.  Not just for the one who never strayed, but for the prodigal as well.  Renewal is for us all.

A few weeks ago, a friend spoke to me about how God knew we would say yes to Him from the beginning of time.  When He authored our lives, He knew on what page we would give our hearts to Him.  Such a beautiful and suspenseful novel He has written for each of us.  The weary come to Him, after fighting long and hard, and surrender all for His name and glory.

I was reading in Mark this past Thursday about Jesus calling his Disciples.  How he could call to two on a boat to come and they did.  His best of best friends.  Those closest to Him.  And He knew that they would say yes from the beginning of time.  That when He called out to those that would serve with Him in earthly ministry, that they would say yes.  I shiver with excitement to think that He saw His best friends (even though they didn't know it yet), He knew exactly when to call them, and that they would with out a doubt say yes.  What do you think He felt like when He saw them?  'Hey that's one of my dearest friends, they don't know me yet, but today is the day they will say yes to me!'

My heart bursts with joy when I think of this.  Because do you think He might think about us that way?  He surely does.  He loves us that much!  The day I said yes to Him, He was bursting with excitement because He knew that day was the day.  I know He thought that about Ms. Anne Rice as well.  He thinks that about you too.  You just have to say yes.  He already knows it's in your heart.    

Why I'm tired today

The weather here in Texas has been wacky.  It's always wacky, but this is super wacky.  It's hot, then cold, then hot, then cold.  My sinuses are on overload and are screaming.

We have the sweet, sweet relief of an essential oil diffuser.  Oh how I love essential oils! I could talk all day about it, but that's for another post.  I decided to sleep last night with the diffuser going.  Knowing my daughter had a stuffy nose as well, I decided I would let her sleep with me in the essential oil bliss.

Sleeping with a toddler in bed sounds like a great idea... for about 20 minutes.  Then you think "I immediately regret this decision".

It starts out with the "oh, I get to cuddle my baby" and "I could just cuddle like this forever" and "it will be like when she was a tiny baby".  You are WRONG!  Quit thinking it as soon as it pops in your head.

After about 20 minutes, the tossing, turning and flopping like a fish starts and doesn't stop until you both decide you can't take it anymore and get up because sleep is not happening.  I'm stubborn so we tried until 7 AM this morning.

My daughter also likes to hold your hand while she sleeps.  So cute, until your arm falls asleep in an awkward position or her talon-like finger nails jab you repeatedly.  Those fingernails are nice little reminders of what you were supposed to do that day.  "Oh snap, I forgot to cut her fingernails!"

Right after we laid down, she was awake and wanted to stay awake.  She was talking and messing with things.  She likes to "boop" my nose when I'm almost asleep.  I will be on the cusp and then all of a sudden a tiny finger comes up and "boops" the tip of my nose.  And it sounds cute while your typing it, but when you are sleep deprived and about to be asleep, it is NOT CUTE.

She also likes to slap you while your sleeping, be it face, back, arm etc.  She will raise her arm high in the air then let it fall on you.  It's not hard, but it's startling.

About 3 AM, I finally had had it.  I spoke sternly to my daughter how it was "night night" time and how she needs to sleep because mommy needs to sleep.  Then she started sniffling cause I was being harsh, then I felt bad so I went back to cuddle mode.  Which then lasted another 5 minutes then the fish flopping started again.

This time she flopped so hard and so much that she flopped off the bed.  Literally flopped over the barriers I created.  That is frightening to no end! She was totally fine.  Now we are both completely awake because of our scare.

Around 5 AM sleep or some symbalance of it comes and we are out for a total of 2 hours.  I can't sleep deeply now because of our falling off the bed scare.  So I sleep as lightly as possible.  At 7 she is awake again.  Seriously how little sleep does a kid need?

If you know me and if you ever hear me say "oh it's ok, she can just sleep with us tonight", slap me across the face and point me to this post.  It may not be worth it for all the heart stopping fear, the frustration, and the toddler kicks and slaps.

But it sure is cute when they do fall asleep in your arms.   Like when they were a little baby.  All cozy and safe in mommy's arms. The deep breathing, the peaceful look on their face... My daughter is napping, I may go cuddle with her now.

Oh, wait... I may just watch her on the video monitor instead.