Sunday, October 31, 2010


I am up to my ears! In baby prep, career change, and home improvements. I really just want to cry it out. And I have cried a lot lately, but it doesn't feel like I'm really letting it out.

I have had a marathon over the last two weeks and am trying to catch up. I have my family baby shower this weekend which is why the home improvements are taking place. I feel so stressed about getting everything together and also the added stresses of work this week. It is going to be our busiest week we have ever had. I'm about to lose my mind.

I say all these things not to vent, but to be honest with myself. I keep telling myself, "You can do this, this is nothing, you can make it." Well in all honesty I don't know how I'm going to do that on my own. I keep looking to people and they keep failing me. I feel like I ask for help and they agree, then they back out. Or they offer, then tell me how busy they are and how it would be so hard to help me out. I feel very let down. And I shouldn't take up the offense. I get it people are busy, people have lives. My problem isn't with them. It's with myself. I keep looking to man to satisfy that need that only Jesus can.

Lord, I'm sorry for not looking to You when I need You. I'm sorry for looking to flesh to fulfill my need. I need to be fully satisfied with You as my provider, my source of strength, my everything. Father God, please take my heart and heal the wounds. Please take my life and mold me and shape me. Give me the strength to persevere. You are the only One I need. Shine the light on the dark places of my heart. When I feel pressured to perform for one reason or another, please tell me what I should be doing to please You and not man. Please help me to find rest in You and You alone. Thank You for all the blessings You bestow on me. I know I am not worthy of any of them, but I am made worthy by the blood of Your Son. In Jesus' sweet and holy name, Amen.

Thursday, October 14, 2010


So this pregnancy has not been the smoothest. It has been joyful, don't get me wrong. We have had a few ups and downs and some scares, but God is always faithful and mighty to save. The Lord gave me the verse from Zephenia that talks about how He is mighty to save, when I was interceeding for our little one in the first few weeks of her life.

The pregnancy began and we went to the doctor to confirm, they noticed that the yolk sac was abnormally shaped. We prayed into it and had others pray with us and for us. God IS mighty to save because the next time we went to the doctor everything was perfect! God is so good.

At about 21 weeks, I had some bleeding that sent me to the doctor scared and shaking. Zoe was in there just having the time of her life. Totally happy and unaware her mother was going nuts, lol. The bleeding was cervical and nothing to worry about. Yet again Praise the Lord!!! He is a mighty protector.

Now I have gone through the glucose test and my bloodwork came back high. We have another battle we are fighting. They want me to come in tomorrow to do the extended blood work glucose test. I am not afraid, I know the Lord is on my side. He is my healer, deliverer and protector. The devil is a liar. We stand on God's word alone!!!!!!!!

I know the victory has already been won and we just have to see it here in the natural. Everytime these things come up to lie to us, I ask God, "what am I supposed to learn through this?" And His reply is always, ALWAYS "Do you trust Me?" I humbly say, "Yes, Lord". He is drawing me into a closeness with Him that is so full of trust and faith. Thank You Lord for Your love and Your gentle guidance. "Faithful, You're always faithful. True, You're always true." I love You Jesus! I trust in You God! I want to be faithful to the end just as You are with me.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Cries of the Unborn

There is a problem in our world. I know there are many but this one speaks to my heart in such a way that it makes me weep. I'm talking about the Silent Holocaust. Abortion.

I was talking with a friend and she had heard the testimony of a man who had an out of body experience. The kind where they go to Heaven and come back and tell of the experience they had. This man had gone to Heaven and God walked him around a little bit before sending him back to his body to give the testimony. They came upon an area where there were babies as far as the eye could see. Babies everywhere.

He asked the Lord, are these the babies you are going to send down to earth? God told him no, these are the babies I SENT to be a blessing, and they were SENT BACK. Upon hearing these words my heart was crushed. It is like saying to God, this blessing isn't good enough, this blessing isn't coming at the right time for ME.

Yes there are circumstances that are not ideal in our lives and sometimes there are harsh instances where pregnancy occurs. Such as rape and incest. I understand that those exist, but also that God is bigger than those circumstances. He turns all things good for the good of His people. Those instances account for less than 1% of pregnancies in the world today.

We all hear the cries of "how can a woman move on when there is a constant reminder that she was abused?" Well I don't know of anyone that could get over being raped or abused in less than 9 months. There is an alternative everyone, it's called adoption. If you cannot bear to see that child every day after it is born, then please please please allow someone else the chance to love that child and raise it.

There is also the unfortunate circumstance of possibly having a child with a disability. There has been so many advances in the field of medicine that we can determine what the child's body will be like when they are born. When women hear there may be something wrong, they would rather end the child's life to spare it from being born that way. When in actuality it is more because they are scared of what it will do to their lives. In the immortal words of Gianna Jessen, abortion survivor with Cerebal Palsy, who among us cannot learn from the least of us?

I read a story about a woman who was pregnant with twins and she found out one had down syndrome, so she chose to do "selective reduction". Basically kill the imperfect baby and keep the perfect baby. During the procedure, the doctor killed the wrong baby. She was still pregnant with the baby who had down syndrome. She underwent another abortion and killed that baby as well. First there were two, then there was one, then there was none. What tragedy.

There is so much more to say, and so much more to learn, but I can't go on with this topic at the moment because it is so emotionally taxing for me that I have to stop and interceed for women everywhere. Women who think that this is their "right" when it really is just an exploitation of women. Doctors and Planned Parenthood workers all over the globe will say that they are giving the women the right to choose their reproductive rights. But what it really is is a money hungry beast ready to kill innocent children and convince women they are doing the right thing.

I heard this question at the pro-life rally in January 2010 when Houston was on the verge of opening the largest abortion clinic in the western hemisphere: Why is satan so afraid of babies? These women are not terminating children that will one day be serial killers or rapists. These children's lives are being snuffed out because they are pastors, evangelists, missionaries, etc. A generation is being culled to suit satan's needs. It is time to wake up! It is time to rise up church! Let us say with one voice NO to the plans of the enemy! Let us interceed night and day for the end of abortion!