The tub fills with warm water. Bubbles building slowly. The smell of honey and tea tree mingle together in a pleasant way.
After a long week of toddler illness, husband working, and 34 weeks pregnancy malaise, I'm ready to take some time. Dearest daughter is napping finally. Her attitude snappy and fierce from not feeling well. My patience and grace is waning after the five millionth "no" or "humpf". Take time to recharge.
Taking time has never come naturally to me. Being a servant and a doer has never allowed those thoughts to enter my mind. Something has changed.
The Lord put me in a place of complete surrender. Surrender to other's doing for me. Which killed my pride. Surrender to letting go of my schedule and lists of things to do. Which pained me to the core. Surrender to the Lord. Which opened a floodgate of everything.
We went to the hospital at 19 weeks 6 days because I was having contractions and bleeding. Fearful we waited for the diagnosis. "Threatened miscarriage", "placenta previa", and "group B strep infection" all were thrust into our minds.
We also found out our sweet baby is a girl. Amelia Emerson we decided would be her name. Amelia-industrious leader and Emerson-brave.
We were released 24 hours later after being watched all night. Bed rest was the course of action. We had a long 11 weeks of this pregnancy looking at the walls of our house and the inside of doctors office and a few more trips to the hospital to boot.
Lots of time spent crying. Lots of time spent worrying. But the Lord turns things around.
Now on the other side of things with a little more activity, I'm craving those moments. That time I take to just be. In those moments, I have alone time. Not just with myself, but with the Lord. Being has allowed me to learn to connect with a new facet of my relationship with Jesus.
So as I look at the mess strewn all over the bathroom floor. The toilet that needs to be scrubbed. The millions of other things I could do while my daughter naps. I take time to worship and dialogue while in the state of being.
And that's what our relationship was supposed to be all along. No agenda, no deadline, no power meetings to list off my requests. Just a quiet space to talk about whatever may come up. To seek His face, not His hand. These moments I will treasure forever. Time well spent with the Father of all. The Father of me.