Over the last few years I have seen the anger boiling over from time to time. I didn't like it but I assumed it was normal when your stretched thin. Well those times became more frequent, then I realized I'm living in a yelling house. I grew up in a yelling house and thought about how it was so frought with tension. While living in it, it felt normal. But seeing the destruction of anger now manifesting regularly I could see the wear and tear. Most noticeably in my daughter.
Our kids are perfect little mirrors. They display what they see. And my daughter was seeing us grumble, growl through gritted teeth in frustration, yell, scream, etc. So she started demonstrating what she saw. It hit home one day when I put her in time out and she yelled at me at the top of her lungs "I'M ANGRY!!!!" Pierce my heart! I was floored by this thing that had manifested in my daughter and what she was manifesting was me.
I confessed to a group of friends last week that I struggle with anger. They prayed for me and a friend talked to me a little while later about her struggle. Her testimony and wisdom was priceless! By confessing, repenting and now walking it out, I was seeing my daughter, husband, home and life in general in a new light. One thing she told me was that rocks are sound recorders. What ever is said to a rock (or concrete) is recorded and it echos it back in the spirit. So I had been spewing out nastyness and we were actually living in a broken record of anger. It explained so much.
So we needed to rerecord something new. Something of the Lord. We started worshipping more and more. Played the audio Bible. And are doing our best to control our tongues. It is difficult for sure. When dysfunction is your norm, breaking the cycle isn't easy.
But even after a week of trying, I see improvements in my relationship with my daughter. My husband and I are slower to anger each other. And the house is coming into a season of joy!
I made the scripture scrapbook for my daughter and I remembered a scripture passage I put in there. Ephesians 4:26-29: In your anger do not sin. Do not give the devil a foothold. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up. I definitely want to start building instead of tearing down!