A few weeks ago I posted that the husband and I had gone on a date. This is pretty rare for us, but if we ever want to go to a movie we try to work it out to go back to our college town and go to the theater there. Because it is SUPER cheap. Especially matinees.
So we went to a movie, enjoyed our time together, and then drove around our old stomping grounds to reminisce. We saw our old dorms, apartments, hangouts, etc. I started having mixed emotions about everything. I look fondly on some of those things, but mostly I felt shame.
We were not saved in college and were very worldly. We lived together prior to marriage. I was promiscuous, into witchcraft, drank heavily, and many other things that grieve the heart of the Lord. The list is so long. I was feeling very unclean because of my memories.
I began praying on my inner man, asking the Lord "if we desire purity, how do we get there when we have been in this disgusting hole?" I have all these memories of impurity, how in the world do I attain purity? Psalm 24:3-4 says "Who may ascend the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in His holy place? Those who have clean hands and pure hearts." Well Lord, my heart is not pure. Just look at what I've done! I have defiled myself in many ways. How could I ever ascend the hill of the Lord?
The Lord spoke to me and said "it's never too late for purity." He began revealing to me how He can recreate ANYTHING. He also showed me that the key to purity is forgiveness. Not just His, but also our own.
Forgiveness comes when we ask for it and turn from our wicked ways. The Lord then throws out that record of our wrongdoing. We on the other hand keep a running tally. We beat ourselves up over and over. We in turn never forgive ourselves which binds the hand of the Lord from forgiving us (Luke 6:37). We put ourselves in a shame cycle that can be broken with the one thing that we don't want to do. Forgive ourselves for our past wrongs.
Then we can see true freedom on the path to purity. We can break the chains of bondage and begin to not hold all these mistakes against ourselves. What we once saw as impurity and defilement can now be grafted into our testimony as the marking points of God's glory in our lives.