Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Yet another mountain

I know in the process of removing things that hinder love, is the process of removing internal things that are hindering my relationship with the Lord.

One of these things is the fear of rejection and the praise of man. I hate this mountain! It stings far more than I like to bear. Which is why I only gain a measure of freedom and not full freedom each time. I wish it were an easy fix. That I could rip the band aid off and just be free!

Sadly, that's not how this is. It is a constant struggle. I am constantly worried about what people think about me, feel deep wounds when we are rejected in any measure (intentional or unintentional), and feel judged when we have revelation about something that others don't. This causes many sleepless nights for me, I am so sad to admit.

I have always marched to the beat of my own drum. Never cared for what people thought of my clothes, my appearance, my choices, but when it comes to having acceptance for loves sake I haven't been able to shake this. I want people to love me and my family. But sometimes that just doesn't happen. Sometimes you don't get the pat on the back from that person you enjoy being around. Sometimes you don't get the invite from the person you really want. Sometimes you are just not apart of the "in" crowd.

I know how silly this is. How much people's opinions really matter. It's just vapor. I want that to settle into my heart and never leave. I want to never be concerned about the way others view me again. I know that the Lord loves me and that I am His favorite! Now why can't I just let go and let God?

I read last year at the urging of a sweet friend, Bob Sorge's book, Dealing with the Rejection and Praise of Man and it was eye opening! Sometimes God uses rejection as a tool to dig a deeper well of love for Him in a persons life. The only catch, it is coupled with the equally difficult demon of praise of man. Yuck! Two things in one. So to conquer one you have to conquer the other. So that means, it's not a quick easy deliverance. It's years of cultivating a fasted spiritual lifestyle of seeking God only. His advice and counsel is far better than any person's counsel. Not to say that God doesn't send people to reveal things to you of course. But He should be my Go To Guy! Run to the throne, not the phone.

I also need not worry what people think of what the Lord is doing with our family. He is leading us down a path that some may not want or need to go. And that's ok. He has tailor made our walk with Him to suit us perfectly. We need not worry about what everyone thinks of our walk either. We have had a lot of backlash for it and we should expect it and count it all joy!

Father God,
I lift this part of my heart up to You and I say please have Your way. Please take it. Take this part of me and mold me and shape me into what You want me to be. I know You won't relent until You have it all. I desperately want to give all my heart to You. I know I can't follow You while dragging my baggage, saying "but can't I just keep it". You want me to lay my burdens down and that is what I want to do right now, lay this burden down at the foot of the cross. I want to be so in love with You that the voice of others is drowned out by Your magnificence. I know You have gone before me and the victory is already won. I ask that we see the full manifestation of the victory here in the natural. I want to look back a year from now and have the greater measure of freedom. I want to be content where I am in Your church. That I wouldn't seek affirmations from man, but from You. I want to grow where I am planted and to do that I have to get rid of weeds. I ask that You remove this weed in my life for it does not bear fruit or any good thing, but chokes the life out of the fruit I have already cultivated. Father God, You are good and You will finish the good work You started in me.

I ask this in Jesus name,

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