Why I'm tired today

The weather here in Texas has been wacky.  It's always wacky, but this is super wacky.  It's hot, then cold, then hot, then cold.  My sinuses are on overload and are screaming.

We have the sweet, sweet relief of an essential oil diffuser.  Oh how I love essential oils! I could talk all day about it, but that's for another post.  I decided to sleep last night with the diffuser going.  Knowing my daughter had a stuffy nose as well, I decided I would let her sleep with me in the essential oil bliss.

Sleeping with a toddler in bed sounds like a great idea... for about 20 minutes.  Then you think "I immediately regret this decision".

It starts out with the "oh, I get to cuddle my baby" and "I could just cuddle like this forever" and "it will be like when she was a tiny baby".  You are WRONG!  Quit thinking it as soon as it pops in your head.

After about 20 minutes, the tossing, turning and flopping like a fish starts and doesn't stop until you both decide you can't take it anymore and get up because sleep is not happening.  I'm stubborn so we tried until 7 AM this morning.

My daughter also likes to hold your hand while she sleeps.  So cute, until your arm falls asleep in an awkward position or her talon-like finger nails jab you repeatedly.  Those fingernails are nice little reminders of what you were supposed to do that day.  "Oh snap, I forgot to cut her fingernails!"

Right after we laid down, she was awake and wanted to stay awake.  She was talking and messing with things.  She likes to "boop" my nose when I'm almost asleep.  I will be on the cusp and then all of a sudden a tiny finger comes up and "boops" the tip of my nose.  And it sounds cute while your typing it, but when you are sleep deprived and about to be asleep, it is NOT CUTE.

She also likes to slap you while your sleeping, be it face, back, arm etc.  She will raise her arm high in the air then let it fall on you.  It's not hard, but it's startling.

About 3 AM, I finally had had it.  I spoke sternly to my daughter how it was "night night" time and how she needs to sleep because mommy needs to sleep.  Then she started sniffling cause I was being harsh, then I felt bad so I went back to cuddle mode.  Which then lasted another 5 minutes then the fish flopping started again.

This time she flopped so hard and so much that she flopped off the bed.  Literally flopped over the barriers I created.  That is frightening to no end! She was totally fine.  Now we are both completely awake because of our scare.

Around 5 AM sleep or some symbalance of it comes and we are out for a total of 2 hours.  I can't sleep deeply now because of our falling off the bed scare.  So I sleep as lightly as possible.  At 7 she is awake again.  Seriously how little sleep does a kid need?

If you know me and if you ever hear me say "oh it's ok, she can just sleep with us tonight", slap me across the face and point me to this post.  It may not be worth it for all the heart stopping fear, the frustration, and the toddler kicks and slaps.

But it sure is cute when they do fall asleep in your arms.   Like when they were a little baby.  All cozy and safe in mommy's arms. The deep breathing, the peaceful look on their face... My daughter is napping, I may go cuddle with her now.

Oh, wait... I may just watch her on the video monitor instead.

Two weeks down.

We are at over two weeks now.  No eating out, no fast food.  Yay!  Working hard at being obedient.

We are contemplating going on a date tonight and we were talking about eating food at the movies.  Do we, don't we, etc.  For me, I can't.  I can't go down the slippery slope like that again.  So I will be eating before I go and I am contemplating turning into that person.... bringing my own snacks to the movies.  I'm torn between the "don't bring your own food" policy and the need to not fall off the wagon.  I'm sure I will have peace as the movie time gets closer, so we will see.

On another note, getting ready for Thanksgiving!!! My favorite of favorite holidays!  We hosted last year and we are doing it again.  It's an easy way for us to spend time with both sides of the family.  Because we all know it's hard to split time between two families.  Do ya feel me?

That's all for now.  Back to a fun project that I can't wait to complete.  I will post pictures.  =)

Meditation

I made it a week!  I can't believe it.  There were many, many, MANY times I thought I would cave and give in.  The only way to make it through to deliverance of a stronghold (especially one that's left, regrouped, and returned) is submission to God.  Continual submission.  I can't do this in my own strength at all.

This week made me realize how weak and vulnerable I am and have become over the past few months.  I have come to the revelation that I have allowed myself to meditate on 1.) what other's thought of me and 2.) my negative thoughts of myself.  I could link to every post I have ever written about emotional eating and my own struggle with poor self esteem, but you would be reading for hours.  

I had gained a measure of freedom in the realm of fear of rejection/praise of man, but I didn't know how deep it went until I went a little deeper with the Lord.  Oh my, the root is deep and the anxiety it produced was paralyzing.  I couldn't go anywhere without meditating on and tearing apart each conversation/awkward look I got from every person I encountered.  

It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I really saw the need for deliverance.  I am still in that place of anxious mediation and I'm seeking the Lord for freedom.  I need to replace improper meditation with meditating on what the Lord thinks, feels, and says.  Prayers are appreciated for sure if you are lead to pray.

We have a long way to go and I don't think it's a coincidence that we reentered this lifestyle change right before the holidays.  I feel that the Lord will guide each and every step of the journey back to the fasted lifestyle.  

  

Reboot-Our journey to the fasted lifestyle, Take 2, Pt. 1

Today is our first day back on the journey.  Officially.  We had tried several times to get back on track, but have failed again and again.

I must say this time around is EXTREMELY difficult!  We had defeated a big demon in our lives.  Then we caved and it is bigger and badder than ever.  The hubby and I were talking about how difficult it was when I was dropping him off at work.  Bottom line, we allowed something back in our lives and it brought seven more of it's friends.  So now we are fighting off a slew of demons instead of one, see Matthew 12:43-45.

The entire summer and early fall has been horrendous.  We have spent and ate way more than just a tree.  Obedience and discipline are hard, but it's a choice.  We were choosing to disobey and do our own thing for convenience sake.

The price of disobedience is way too high.  Physically (see my post about PRICE), emotionally (I was eating to comfort myself due to some really wicked anxiety attacks), and spiritually (we are so distant from the Lord, that I'm desperately lovesick).

Today we started again.  We are rebooting our walk.  I cannot tell you what a struggle it was.  I went to visit a friend this evening and she called as I was pulling onto her street to see if I could stop and get her a soda.  I was really glad I was already too close to turn around.  The temptation would have been too great.  I was already white knuckling it to get to her house, gripping the steering wheel with everything I had to keep myself from turning into a fast food place to get a "quick bite".

So now we detox.  The cravings will subside.  The attacks will come less and less.  Our all around health will improve.  We will sit in the Word and soak in it's goodness.

Today- I choose obedience.  I choose discipline.  I choose God's best for me and my family.  I choose God as my audience. (I will repeat this everyday if I have to, several times a day if need be.)    

Price

I have been under the weather for about two weeks. Not many people know because I have not wanted to talk/complain about it.

I have had a localized abdominal pain that has been slowly getting worse over the past few weeks.  I did nothing about it because "it will go away".  Well it didn't.  I was in such pain this past Friday that I went to the doctor.

She said that I have diverticulitis (not a new diagnosis) and that I'm experiencing a flare up.  FUN!  Not so much.  I'm on two antibiotics and I LOATHE antibiotics.  I haven't had a flare up in a long time, so it caught me off guard.

If you have never heard of diverticulitis, it's a chronic condition that creates pockets on the intestines and they can occasionally become inflamed and infected.  Nothing contagious mind you, just nasty nagging pain all day and night.

How does one get this condition?  I'm so glad you asked.  It's because of eating processed food.  It is a newer condition.  It did not show up until the early 1900's because that's when processed food was introduced to our way of life.  Our processed food has no nutritional value and no fiber so our intestines become malformed and things can get ugly pretty fast.

I feel I could be the poster child for "Don't feed your kids processed food" or "Eat organic or pay the price".  I have had so many stomach/digestive issues all because of food.  Nothing hereditary.  Nothing genetic.  All food!  I didn't eat the best growing up.  Lots of sugar, canned veggies, and pre-made stuff.  Now I'm literally paying the price of poor eating habits.

The hubby and I were on a good path at the end of Spring and over the summer we got WAY off track.  We ate horribly and spent what we didn't need to spend.  The Lord told us how He wants us to live and we have been in rebellion.  I know the Lord is not punishing me, but that He can't move in power in my life if I'm not doing what He wants me to do.  He sometimes has to step out of the way and give us over to the consequence of our sin for things to change.

"The wages of sin is death".  I don't feel I will literally die.  But I'm having physical manifestations of my sin played out.  The fruit of what He has for me is dying on the vine while I take my time on my way to obedience.

So that's where I'm at.  Frustrated with myself and deeply desiring to quit this cycle of defeat.  Prayers are appreciated.

Stomach Bug 2012

The resting I talked about in the last post... well didn't happen as much as I would have liked.  The tiredness I was feeling last Monday was the start of a kidney infection brought on by extreme intact of caffiene and sugar to keep me going (and you guessed it, stress).

I was out of commission for about 3 days.  Drank nothing but water and a little bit of organic no sugar added cranberry juice.  That stuff is NASTY!

My little girl came down with a yucky stomach bug that's been going around.  She threw up a total of 10 times over the course of about 4.5 hours.  We stayed up and watched corny movies, tried to sleep on the couch together (she did, I didn't) and got up at around 5 AM.  I had to go get the hubby at about 6 AM because I just couldn't stay awake any longer.

I napped from about 6:30 to about 8:30. I literally dreamed my husband came to wake me up because he needed me for something.  I went out and he said, "why are you awake?"  I said you just came to get me.  Oh tricky sleep deprived mind.

So today we have been napping, feeding our girl very little but with lots of water and pedialyte, cleaning/disinfecting, slathering ourselves with essential oils to prevent us from getting it as well.  Both the hubby and I have had some tummy twitches, but we are praying they pass quickly.  We don't need to have a full blown stomach bug later in the week because of my sweet cousin's wedding.

That's where we are right now.  Have a healthy week everyone!

Breathing

I have made it to the third week of September intact!  I really was wondering if I would make it.  I kept saying "if I can make it through September" every time I would feel overwhelmed.

But by grace I have made it to a plateau.  Which is a seriously good thing.  I was beginning to stress so bad that shingles was threatening to return and my hair was falling out.

I feel for the sweet friends and family that have seen me wide eyed and frantic.  And I appreciate those who prayed for me both in person and from afar.  Thank you all so much.

The stress was worth it though.  I have spent some great time with friends and family every weekend.  I have celebrated with my best friend.  I have grown closer to people I had hoped I would grow closer to for years.  I had my first night/weekend away from my daughter and I did not freak out (I actually did great) and it gave me a sweet renewing that I needed.  I have had great encouragement in a new endeavor.

Our view from the Gristmill in Gruene, TX.
We went to Gruene for my cousins Bachelorette
Weekend.  It was a very relaxing weekend!

I'm glad to be on the other side of the bulk of the chaotic schedule, but I can look back and see the blessings in each portion of the last few weeks.

For today, I'm taking a break and breathing a little bit.  I'm not going to worry that the house is messy, that I have fall decorations to put up, that I have a mountain of things to get done that have been pushed aside.  I'm going to take it slow, enjoy the day with my hubby and daughter and see what the Lord has for us.