This week made me realize how weak and vulnerable I am and have become over the past few months. I have come to the revelation that I have allowed myself to meditate on 1.) what other's thought of me and 2.) my negative thoughts of myself. I could link to every post I have ever written about emotional eating and my own struggle with poor self esteem, but you would be reading for hours.
I had gained a measure of freedom in the realm of fear of rejection/praise of man, but I didn't know how deep it went until I went a little deeper with the Lord. Oh my, the root is deep and the anxiety it produced was paralyzing. I couldn't go anywhere without meditating on and tearing apart each conversation/awkward look I got from every person I encountered.
It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I really saw the need for deliverance. I am still in that place of anxious mediation and I'm seeking the Lord for freedom. I need to replace improper meditation with meditating on what the Lord thinks, feels, and says. Prayers are appreciated for sure if you are lead to pray.
We have a long way to go and I don't think it's a coincidence that we reentered this lifestyle change right before the holidays. I feel that the Lord will guide each and every step of the journey back to the fasted lifestyle.