Friday, January 29, 2010

Not the end of the story

Most of us know that stories never truly have an ending. It's the same way with testimonies.

I was struggling with anger about the upcoming surgery. Not that I had to go through it, but because I never have time to take time off. How can I heal if I don't have time? How can I take time off when there is so much to do at work? I was seriously stressed out.

Well, a woman at church who has incredible discernment came up to me and flat out told me "what's up with your spirit?" So I told her how I'm just trying to get through and deal with the pain, work out a time to get the procedures done, and how tired I was. She prayed for me and she said something "Lord show Alex what she needs to do and what she needs to let go of."

Big check in my spirit! I was praying to God, what is going on? What do I need to get rid of? How can I even accomplish that? Of course I was being doubtful. He then told me during church service, "There was still another lesson you needed to learn from your miscarriage, that's why you are still carrying this leftover. I need you to be free from the guilt and obligation you feel to certain people, certain places, and certain things. I need you to be free from the word YES. Always saying yes to everything and always no to yourself, your husband, your home, your ministry outside your job, your friends, your family (the list went on and on). I don't treat you that way, so you shouldn't either." I was blown away! He then told me "I'm forcing you to say NO!" He revealed that the spiritual reason the miscarriage has not completed, that the cyst has grown to a large size, that I'm so sick and tired was because I need to learn to say no. I need to learn that its ok to take time for yourself to heal.

I cried and went up to get prayer from a good friend for freedom from the word yes. She cried with me because she has been speaking that word to me over and over. It's funny how you can get something in your brain and it totally makes sense, but until it sinks into your heart and spirit, its not fully understood.

How often do we do this to ourselves? Push ourselves beyond any reasonable limit because "I fear for my job security", "there's no one else to do it", "I have to because so and so will be mad at me." God does not treat us that way. He does not operate in fear of job loss, rejection, guilt, etc. Oh how foolish I have been. Lord forgive me. He asks us to do what He wills for our lives, which is way better than our to do list any day! The only To Do list we should be concerned with is His!

I'm not 100% free, but I know its coming. I'm praying for strength to do the things that need to be done in order to say no in love and not in anger. I'm not there yet, but I will be. The Lord has my back! I know He is preparing me for great things. I need to be able to set boundaries in order to grow in the things He has planned for me.

Lord thank You for Your wisdom and revelation. Thank You that You are growing me into Your likeness everyday. Lord, forgive me for my fear has caused me to sin. Please Lord come and give me freedom from the fear of the spirit of man. I ask this in Your Son's Holy Name, AMEN!

1 comment:

  1. I can relate so well to everything you've written here! I am a YES person as well and God is trying to teach me how to say no and how to prioritzie!! We take on so many burdens that He never intended for us to take upon ourselves! I'm so glad you responded to His Holy Spirit and I will be praying that you are renewed from within!