I am up to my ears! In baby prep, career change, and home improvements. I really just want to cry it out. And I have cried a lot lately, but it doesn't feel like I'm really letting it out.
I have had a marathon over the last two weeks and am trying to catch up. I have my family baby shower this weekend which is why the home improvements are taking place. I feel so stressed about getting everything together and also the added stresses of work this week. It is going to be our busiest week we have ever had. I'm about to lose my mind.
I say all these things not to vent, but to be honest with myself. I keep telling myself, "You can do this, this is nothing, you can make it." Well in all honesty I don't know how I'm going to do that on my own. I keep looking to people and they keep failing me. I feel like I ask for help and they agree, then they back out. Or they offer, then tell me how busy they are and how it would be so hard to help me out. I feel very let down. And I shouldn't take up the offense. I get it people are busy, people have lives. My problem isn't with them. It's with myself. I keep looking to man to satisfy that need that only Jesus can.
Lord, I'm sorry for not looking to You when I need You. I'm sorry for looking to flesh to fulfill my need. I need to be fully satisfied with You as my provider, my source of strength, my everything. Father God, please take my heart and heal the wounds. Please take my life and mold me and shape me. Give me the strength to persevere. You are the only One I need. Shine the light on the dark places of my heart. When I feel pressured to perform for one reason or another, please tell me what I should be doing to please You and not man. Please help me to find rest in You and You alone. Thank You for all the blessings You bestow on me. I know I am not worthy of any of them, but I am made worthy by the blood of Your Son. In Jesus' sweet and holy name, Amen.