I had the amazing privilege of attending this once in a lifetime event. The Lord was there and over 30,000 people broke down denominational barriers to cry out to God with one heart, one mind, and one voice saying "HEAL OUR LAND, LORD!"
We got their early to get good parking and because our friends we rode with were apart of a prayer team that had to meet an hour before the doors opened. We settled into our seats and already I felt the attack. Some of our group were sitting in another area. That rejection thing started gnawing at me. I wrestled with "is there more anointing in that place?", "why can't we all sit together", and "they are going to be blessed more than us". (So ridiculous right!)
While these things are floating around in my brain, I start to tell myself quit that! You are being so silly! Well the Lord chimes in with "Close your eyes!" So I closed them. He revealed to me how I was looking at everyone with jealousy and contempt. I was envious of what was going on "over there" when I needed to be content with what was going on "right here". I spent about 30-45 minutes with my eyes closed repenting to God for these ugly things and asking Him to take them away. My heart breaking with each revelation.
Then He told me "Open your eyes." So I did and a wave of love washed over me as He said "Don't you see how beautiful this is!" I began to weep as He showed me a picture of Himself weeping with joy over His Bride longing for Him in unity. He was so moved and the thought of it makes me cry even now. He longs for us so much, but how often do we long for Him? I know not nearly often enough.
He then showed me another vision of myself as a very little girl running to Him and getting tangled in His robes as I hugged His leg. You know, the way little kids do when they see their parents. He was showing me that that's who He is. A good parent who delights in us and wants us to run to Him with faith like a child.
We all heard powerful prayers and praised, worshiped, and loved the Lord with all we had that day. The intensity and sincerity of it was palpable. I have prayed that I would not become complacent again, that I would press on and go even deeper with the Lord, but sadly I have felt the tapering off again. This has made me want to push past the plateu and keep going. I don't want to get complacent. I don't want other things to distract me. I don't want another lover of my soul. I want You Lord and that's it. "I'm in love with God and God's in love with me. This is who I am and this is who I'm going to be and that settles it. Completely"
I wrestle now with my time. I give so much of my time to things of this world. I can't be a friend of the world and a friend of God. It doesn't work that way. I notice when I spend all day working at the computer for my business or watching trashy daytime TV game shows, I feel those things the Lord broke off me that day start to scratch at my door begging to come back in. I have to keep my resolve no matter what.
Father God, My prayer today is that I will rest under Your wing and that You will shelter me there. Because it is under Your wing that the heartbeat is. I want to lay next to Your chest and hear Your heartbeat just as John did. That is the source of true intimacy with You, God. That we would consistently ask what Your thinking, what Your heart wants. Reveal Your heart to me and my family God. Would You let me love You more. I am lovesick for You, God. I do not want to run from Your presence. I want to run to it! With a zeal unmatched by anything that could catch my eye. Help me to guard my heart, eyes, ears, tongue, and thoughts God. I know these are the inroads to death in the spirit Lord and I want nothing to do with idleness. I want to think on things lovely, noble, and righteous. Even now as thoughts try to creep in of rejection, praise, and doubt, let me shun them and say "Out! For this mind is in love with Jesus! You have no place here!" Father God, reveal to me your heart. I am listening.
In Jesus Name,