So I have been waiting for almost a week for my miscarriage to complete. It's like everyday is Russian Roulette. "Is today the day?" It has been a very trying time. I know the Lord has always tested my patience and helped me grow, but some moments feel like torture. These are the moments when I can barely breathe, where I want to let sorrow over take me. Then I have to push back and say "MY GOD IS BIGGER!"
We have had many opportunities to let our pain become too much. We fight this tooth and nail. Once we go down that road, its so hard to come back. We keep holding onto our promises, soaking in the Word, praying for strength, and accepting love and guidance from the Lord and the great people in our lives.
Not everyone has the best advice and some people have actually made me angry. This is when I have to love them with grace. I know they mean well, but not everyone swoops in with the perfect thing to say or do.
The Lord has given us more truths to hold onto during this time:
11. He uses the least severe method to produce the greatest amount of love, in the greatest number of people in the shortest amount of time.
12. We have some really amazing friends and family members! The love we have recieved is overwhelmingly abundant.
13. Just because I feel like my heart is broken in two and one half is with the baby, means that that other half is in Heaven in Jesus' arms. What better place for it to be?
14. I will be on the other side of the bridge. Probably sooner than I know. I will be able to look back and see my starting point and see where I am and where I need to go.
15. I will be ok. My husband will be ok. We will be ok together.
16. We will have children someday (all in the Lord's timing).
17. I refuse to let fear, despair, and bitterness overtake me. This has been a struggle. I will win the fight.
18. I'm so thankful God gave us a child to begin with.
19. I'm so thankful that He knew that I could handle this.
20. I know the Lord loves me and will not leave me in this place of sadness.
We have the most amazing church family. Some of our friends stopped by our house today (the one that has so many things on the lists of repairs that its not even funny) and said they were there to landscape our yard. One of the larger tasks Stu and I have been dreading. The Lord sent them to minister to our hearts through acts of service. How AMAZING!!!! The hubster called me at work and said that he was going to cry. He told me what had happend, then I started to cry, then I told my boss and she started to cry. How touching the love of great friends can be.
Lord, Father, God, Savior, Redeemer, Friend! Thank you for showing up every day in a huge way. Thank you for being our peace and strength. Thank you for being our provider. Thank you for giving us the support we need from the people around us. Thank you for continued healing of our hearts. Lord we trust you and your judgments are perfect.