Sunday, February 15, 2009

Book Review: The Five Love Languages

Twice in one day? Just thought I would catch up and answer the call.

I have been reading "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. First off it is incredible! It has revolutionized my marriage in a way I would have never of imagined.

It is also helpful for any relationship especially if you are having trouble communicating love to someone. As children of God we are all called to "love thy neighbor as thyself." This is not always easy.

It explores how we communicate love to our spouse (and others). Our method we choose may not be the best for the individual you are trying to show love to. Let me illustrate:

The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Rarely is a couple using the same language. You read the book then take the quiz in the back to show what areas speak to you most.

I have three major areas and they are: Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Words of Affirmation.
My husband's three major areas are: Physical Touch, Quality Time, and Words of Affirmation.

We were similar in the fact that we both valued quality time and words of affirmation, but those areas needed work because we were not "speaking" them properly. Also, the two major areas that differed were areas that were vitally important and we had no idea.

For example: I love it when my hubby does things around the house, fills up my car, or takes out the trash for no specific reason and without instruction.
My hubby loves just holding my hand when we are sitting next to each other, having a nice little smooch, or a big bear hug.

I love cuddling, but not all the time. He loves cuddling, but he likes it 98% of the time. I'm more like 75%. I did not know how important this was to him and when I didn't want to cause I was distracted or doing something else, it actually felt like rejection to him.

I can't tell you how heartbroken I felt when I discovered this. I never would have wanted him to feel rejected because he is always loved and wanted. By my rejecting his strongest love language "physical touch" I was "saying" to him "you are not wanted." I was not showing him the love the way he needed to be shown.

Our relationship is better than ever. Not that it was horrible before, but we have unlocked a new door in our lives. We have broken down the barrier of lack of communication by saying hey I need an extra hug or my love tank is only half full today (you will understand when you read the book, lol).

If you are having struggles in any relationship in your life, I suggest reading this book. It will make a world of difference!

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