Wednesday, November 4, 2009


The waiting is over. The miscarriage completed yesterday. My body was still under the impression that I was pregnant so I had to help it along with drugs. I took Misoprostol and an herbal remedy a friend provided on Monday night about 8 PM.

I started cramping around 10 PM and it continued into the night. It was painful and frustrating because of the lack of bleeding. I finally started the heavy bleeding at around 7:30 AM yesterday (Tuesday). I stayed in the bathroom pretty much all day.

I was scared at first because of my lack of knowledge, but the Lord saw us through. The hubster was at my side the whole day. We both found strength we didn't know we had. It was from the wellspring that God has placed in us and the knowledge that God knows we could handle this.

I have a peace today that I haven't had in almost two weeks. I feel calm and still. Even my boss could see it today at work when she came in. I have no doubt the Lord will give us children in the future. I have no doubt that He loves us. I have no doubt that He keeps His promises. I have no doubt that He knows what He is doing and His judgements are perfect.

All that is left now: a slight tug at my heart called memory, a small tear in my eye called absence, a leap in my heart called hope, a smile on my face called joy, a knowledge in my mind called faith, a calm in my spirit called peace, and a set of arms around me called Love.

Thank You Lord for You are faithful. I will always carry that with me. You have shown us Your unfailing Love. I am reminded of the lyrics "And You said 'I know that this will hurt, but if I don't break your heart things will just get worse. If the burden seems too much to bear, remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get Us there." Lord I know You chose us to go through this because You knew we could handle it. That we could persevere. I thank You for holding us through all of this and we trust You. Thank You for the wisdom and revelation that we have had through all of this and the wisdom and revelation that is to come. We are in hopeful anticipation of Your will. Praise Your Holy Name!

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