Not having your days full of stuff to do/go, go, go really makes you think. A lot. About your life. And yourself. And mistakes.
Basically, you can go stir crazy in the silence and the stillness. I have done major amounts of reflecting, beating myself up, second guessing whole conversations, meditating on past or current wrong doing on my part, and generally just letting my thoughts beat me up.
It's a tough feeling. And can be very lonely.
Praise the Lord, He sends the cavalry in. I have had numerous texts and calls for people to come hang out with me for a few hours. I gladly accept! And I have been having so much fun talking to so many people about anything and everything. I'm getting to know people that I didn't have deeper relationship with a lot better and it's wonderful to see things bloom.
There are so many ups and downs in this season. The highs are high. Joyful visits. Meaningful conversations. Wisdom and revelation. Worship and praise in the midst. And the lows are extremely low. What if's asked. Doubts and fears. Misconceptions. Questioning the strength of things.
At the end of the day I have to remind myself to 1.) be thankful and 2.) my God is so much bigger than all of this.
