Week 21: Our journey to the fasted lifestyle, pt. 29

Not quite there, but still close.

There is so much to say, but I'm really struggling to determine what to type.  Let's just say that my heart is heavy and burdened, but I can't put it into words.  I think I will have to save it for another post or two.

Almost there, weeks 19 & 20: Our journey to the fasted lifestyle, pt. 28

We are almost back on track fully.  We ate out only once this past week and it was truly due to extenuating circumstances.  We had a gas leak in the house and we snacked, but couldn't get into the fridge or cook until after the gas guy left.  Well by that time we were on our way to church and absolutely had to eat something.  That was our one and only time to eat out this week.

It makes me so happy to even type that!  The previous week was very hard and we had to have some serious discussions about our discipline and obedience.  Our finances are extremely tight yet again due to eating our money.  It has been for the past two and a half months since falling off the wagon.

We talked about how when a demon is kicked out we have to be on guard to not let it and seven of it's friends back in.  We were discussing how this time was so much harder and it's because we let our guard down.  Are we gonna let satan get the best of us?  No!  So we have to pick ourselves back up and do it and not just talk about it.

Last week's message at church, our pastor talked about doing our part.  I can pray to be healthy and fit all day, but am I doing my part.  No, I haven't been.  I've been eating junk but expecting a miracle to change my situation.  How can He give me such a great blessing if I'm just going to throw it away?

So that's the main theme of the past two weeks, doing our part.  The Lord will do His.  Here we go!  Thanks Lord for getting us back on track!

Zoe at a park feeding the ducks.  She loved it!

Week 17 & 18: Our journey to the fasted lifestyle, pt. 27

Not much change in our eating/spending from the previous month.  Which makes me sad.  The Lord is good because He has been so gracious to us and provided despite our disobedience.

I did have a lot of revelation the last few days specifically on the topic of obedience.  I went to Texas Homeschool Coalition Convention here in The Woodlands.  I know our girl is 19 months old, but I wanted to get a foundation for preschool.

I had grand plans, but saw that I could be easily overwhelmed when I started looking at the seminars available.  I wanted to go listen about things that are so great, but not really what I was needing at the moment.  So I asked the Lord what I should do.  He guided me to the seminars and areas that were PERFECT for me.

I sat in on seminars dealing with child training, toddlers, and discipline.  Basically, the Lord was telling me about myself.  Of course!  My heart was so convicted about how lack of discipline trickles down to our little ones.

I know that my discipline to the Lord is between Him and I, but our kids do observe and if we are disobedient, then our kids will be too.  One woman defined obedience in her home.  Basically obedience is supposed to be done 1.) cheerfully, 2.) completely, and 3.) immediately.  She explained that if your child does something immediately and completely but is complaining, then they are rebellious in their heart.

Talk about heart piercing.  When I obey the Lord, it isn't always done cheerfully.  So I'm still rebelling in my own heart.  It's so like the Lord to impart knowledge and wisdom for my situation as a parent, but also as His child.  For that I'm truly grateful.  It showed me that I want to obey the first time, to the fullness, and with a smile on my face and song in my heart.

Thank You Lord that I could go for these divine appointments.  You guided me as to what I needed to hear and what will get us back on track.

Week 16: Our journey to the fasted lifestyle, pt. 26

This week has been amazing, sad, joyful, heartbreaking, encouraging, humbling all wrapped up into one.  We are feeling the stirrings of revival in our church.  Lots of stuff in my heart is coming to the light and being swept away.

I made some hard admissions and felt things that I thought were gone, but they were just buried and festering.  I had my whole being shaken in ways I never knew existed.

I prayed and the answer was no and then I was left wondering why?  I prayed and the answer was yes, but I was left wondering why now? 


The biggest thing that came out of this week is a closer relationship with Jesus.  When I was asking my "why's" to the Lord, He showed me Job 40:2a- Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? 


I'm having to learn that the why's don't matter, but that His judgments and timing are perfect.  With the why's I was telling God how to do His job.  Not my place.  Just my place to trust.  


That's where I'm at, I will elaborate more as the Lord leads.  

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."-Matthew 7:7

Image courtesy of Bliss Photography

Rest

The day is hectic.  Rain off and on for days can make things feel a little closed in.  While I'm thankful for the rain, I'm ready to go back out into the world.

I get my opportunity and it starts raining yet again.  I come home feeling slightly defeated.  My daughter is sleepy, I am too.  I go put her in her crib for a nice afternoon nap and she cries.  She keeps crying.

I go back to her and think, "you are tired, just rest already".  The conditions are perfect for a nap: rainy weather, light thunder, dark afternoon, cozy sleeping arrangement.  What else do you need?

I begin to rock her and hold her like a little baby.  The baby she no longer is.  I'm holding a toddler.  She drifts off and I don't really notice because I'm rocking and singing.  I look down and there is my little baby again.  Her weight, features, and length completely different, but the look is the same as the day she was born.  The look of peace, comfort, and rest.

How I remember those days rocking, nursing, or snoozing together on the couch when she was little.  Those times are few and far between now.  She wants her independence and most times fights to stay awake until she is in her own bed.  But looking at her peaceful countenance I flashback to one and half years ago and play all those memories back like a movie.  I cannot fathom the precious gift each one is.

I long to have that comfort, peace, and rest in my life.  It is free to obtain, but my independence is in the way.         I can run to my Father and lay in His lap, but I don't.  I fight to stay awake.  I fight to handle things my own way.

Why can't I rest?  He knows I'm tired and the conditions are perfect:  I'm thirsty for the Word, I have wounds that need healing, and I want to know Him more.  Why do I think I know better?

He longs for me to rest in His arms.  To see peace wash over my face.  To know that I know that I'm protected, safe, and completely comfortable in His presence.  Yet I don't.  Stubborn as a mule, I don't budge closer than I dare.

Am I afraid? Sometimes.  Do I trust Him? Yes and no.  I'm sometimes afraid that if I trust Him, He will give me more sorrow or anguish than I can bear.  So I hold Him at an arms length.  And for that I'm sorry Lord.

I look down at my daughter again and I think of how she trusts me wholeheartedly.  I know that the feelings she has for me are a picture of what I should have for the Lord.  And the love I feel for her is just a fraction of what the Lord feels for us.  I want to be wholeheartedly trusting of the Lord.  Even now, my heart breaks at just the thought of loving on the level I need to love.  I long for it as He longs for my heart.

Zoe asleep on Mommy, 1 Month

I know He won't leave me where I am.  "He won't relent until He has it all."  Remove the things that hinder love, Lord.  I want to dance after You with joy, fall into Your arms and rest in perfect peace.

Week 15: Our journey to the fasted lifestyle, pt. 25

We are slowly but surely making it back to the right path.  We ate out twice this week which is getting closer to the mark.

We learned a lot this week through warfare, repentance, and pressing.  

1.  Things will come at you when you least expect.  The enemy can attack in any way, shape, or form.  

2.  Eating your emotions is not a healthy way to deal with your circumstance (one of the times we ate out).  

3.  Close friends and family are priceless!  A friend who will pray for you is invaluable.

4.  There is a definite need for people who will mirror a healthy, honest image of you back to yourself.  If you have mud on your face and you don't have a mirror who will tell you?  A true friend.

5.  Meditate on the Lord's thoughts for you and no one else's.  

6.  Bitterness hinders revival (and miracles).  Turn from it, repent, and you will see true freedom.

7.  A snippet from the message at church today:  Prayer and fasting is not a substitute for obedience.  (Will expand on that in a little bit).

8.  There is no Junior Holy Spirit.  Some kids will blow you away with their knowledge and wisdom.

9.  You don't know your strength until you are tested.

10.  Envy causes the Lord to crush the object of envy in order to produce compassion. (Finished up reading Envy by Bob Sorge.  LOTS of wisdom and revelation!)

We have so much to learn about God's will.  That's the ultimate lesson this week.  

As for the snippet from the message- The revelation is that we can fast and pray but if we are not obedient, then the fasting and praying won't produce what we are desiring.  The Lord cannot move without obedience.  

Another pastor wrote on his facebook status:  "If your intentions don't lead to obedience then your good intentions are just hidden rebellion"-Luke Holter.  Yikes!  So I'm really rebelling when I don't walk in obedience to the Holy Spirit.  How many times have I said, "Lord, I will get to it" and never really do.  So today, I'm restarting this whole thing.  

As I'm walking out obedience, I'm contending for many things, but mostly I contend for a transformed life.  A life that brings glory to God.  

Week 14: Our journey to the fasted lifestyle, pt. 24

This week was somewhat better, but we are still off track.  All three of us came down with a bug.  Daughter-Ear infection, Husband-Strep Throat, Me-Pink eye that turned into bronchitis (huh?).  So this week was more about convenience than anything.

However, I did conquer the storage room purge so YAY!  Got alot done around the house too.  In between coughing fits I would clean until I got too tired.  Then sit for a little bit.  So our house is looking pretty good at the moment.  Which makes me feel pretty good mentally.  Clutter everywhere makes me insane.

Also, yesterday we visited the lovely new Trader Joe's in our area for the first time.  LOVE IT!  I think this will be instrumental in getting us back on track.  We have been spending lots of money on fresh organic food at the store and here comes Trader Joe's with fresh organic food at a much lower price.  Hooray!

Onward we march!  Have a great Sunday tomorrow everyone!

Zoe touching the cheetah statue at the Zoo.  That's one big kitty cat!