New Season

I have been so swamped that it's been hard to write. I have also been dealing with spiritual warfare which has made it hard also. The season that the Lord had me in where I was searching was a transition season. It was peaceful and invigorating at the same time. Well I have come into a new season that is difficult, wonderful, scary, amazing, and kinda disheartening all at the same time.

I found out a few weeks ago that I am pregnant again. I took the at home test and just stared at the result and was like "what do I do now?" Don't get me wrong we were ttc and both very excited. Before I was pregnant I would always say I will not let fear rule me. Boy was I wrong. Fear jumped up and down on me making me a nutcase.

My hormone levels are really high, much higher than they ever got with my first pregnancy. We have not had our ultrasound and I can't help but wonder if we will see the same thing. A lifeless baby. I know it sounds sick, but that's my only experience to go by thus far.

I have been leaning on the Lord for everything. Help with the fear, help with the pregnancy, praying for every bit of my life to come into alignment with His Word. When that voice tells me "you still have two weeks to the ultrasound, anything can happen between now and then" I have to fight. Fight for my sanity and my baby's life. I can't let fear rule me. I keep asking Lord, what's going on and he replies with another question... "Do you trust Me?" I keep saying yes and I will keep saying yes.

So I guess this is my season of trusting. I found the Lord in my season of searching and He wants to know if I trust what I found. Like I said I will keep saying yes.

Always on my mind

I have noticed the shift in my thought process. He is always on my mind. I'm thinking about the Lord 85 to 90% of the time now. I want it to be 100%. But its so amazing to me that when I was a teen and was baptized, mostly because the other kids were getting baptized, I didn't think that much about him. I would go to church camp and be on fire for like a week, then I would get back into my routine. I did not understand what it meant to wholehearted.

Now that I'm entering this new season, I'm praying for this to continue. I want to be in constant communication or thinking about the Lord. Ramping up to 100% is not easy, and not necessarily attainable, but it is my goal.

I have noticed the attacks on my thought life. I have been inundated with impure thoughts, doubts, fears, and things that I have not struggled with in a long time. I know it is the Lord testing and refining me. He wants my whole heart and mind to be his. How can it be his if there is still junk that needs to be swept out?

One area that is particularly difficult is my dreams. I have dreams from the Lord on occasion, and dreams from the enemy on occasion, and of course some are from the flesh. I want to know how to help shield your mind during sleep. Any ideas?

I'm asking for prayer as I continue on this journey. It has been so rewarding and challenging. I can't wait to see the fullness of this season. The fruit that will come out of it. I'm so excited to have him on my mind and for the majority of the day.

On a quick side note, I'm so ecstatic to tell everyone, the hubster and I are going on a trip to Kansas City, MO to visit at the House of Prayer! Woohoo! Road trip for Jesus! We are spending our vacation this year worshipping, studying and soaking in the prayer room. So excited!