The resting I talked about in the last post... well didn't happen as much as I would have liked. The tiredness I was feeling last Monday was the start of a kidney infection brought on by extreme intact of caffiene and sugar to keep me going (and you guessed it, stress).
I was out of commission for about 3 days. Drank nothing but water and a little bit of organic no sugar added cranberry juice. That stuff is NASTY!
My little girl came down with a yucky stomach bug that's been going around. She threw up a total of 10 times over the course of about 4.5 hours. We stayed up and watched corny movies, tried to sleep on the couch together (she did, I didn't) and got up at around 5 AM. I had to go get the hubby at about 6 AM because I just couldn't stay awake any longer.
I napped from about 6:30 to about 8:30. I literally dreamed my husband came to wake me up because he needed me for something. I went out and he said, "why are you awake?" I said you just came to get me. Oh tricky sleep deprived mind.
So today we have been napping, feeding our girl very little but with lots of water and pedialyte, cleaning/disinfecting, slathering ourselves with essential oils to prevent us from getting it as well. Both the hubby and I have had some tummy twitches, but we are praying they pass quickly. We don't need to have a full blown stomach bug later in the week because of my sweet cousin's wedding.
That's where we are right now. Have a healthy week everyone!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
Breathing
I have made it to the third week of September intact! I really was wondering if I would make it. I kept saying "if I can make it through September" every time I would feel overwhelmed.
But by grace I have made it to a plateau. Which is a seriously good thing. I was beginning to stress so bad that shingles was threatening to return and my hair was falling out.
I feel for the sweet friends and family that have seen me wide eyed and frantic. And I appreciate those who prayed for me both in person and from afar. Thank you all so much.
The stress was worth it though. I have spent some great time with friends and family every weekend. I have celebrated with my best friend. I have grown closer to people I had hoped I would grow closer to for years. I had my first night/weekend away from my daughter and I did not freak out (I actually did great) and it gave me a sweet renewing that I needed. I have had great encouragement in a new endeavor.
I'm glad to be on the other side of the bulk of the chaotic schedule, but I can look back and see the blessings in each portion of the last few weeks.
For today, I'm taking a break and breathing a little bit. I'm not going to worry that the house is messy, that I have fall decorations to put up, that I have a mountain of things to get done that have been pushed aside. I'm going to take it slow, enjoy the day with my hubby and daughter and see what the Lord has for us.
But by grace I have made it to a plateau. Which is a seriously good thing. I was beginning to stress so bad that shingles was threatening to return and my hair was falling out.
I feel for the sweet friends and family that have seen me wide eyed and frantic. And I appreciate those who prayed for me both in person and from afar. Thank you all so much.
The stress was worth it though. I have spent some great time with friends and family every weekend. I have celebrated with my best friend. I have grown closer to people I had hoped I would grow closer to for years. I had my first night/weekend away from my daughter and I did not freak out (I actually did great) and it gave me a sweet renewing that I needed. I have had great encouragement in a new endeavor.
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| Our view from the Gristmill in Gruene, TX. We went to Gruene for my cousins Bachelorette Weekend. It was a very relaxing weekend! |
For today, I'm taking a break and breathing a little bit. I'm not going to worry that the house is messy, that I have fall decorations to put up, that I have a mountain of things to get done that have been pushed aside. I'm going to take it slow, enjoy the day with my hubby and daughter and see what the Lord has for us.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Week 21: Our journey to the fasted lifestyle, pt. 29
Not quite there, but still close.
There is so much to say, but I'm really struggling to determine what to type. Let's just say that my heart is heavy and burdened, but I can't put it into words. I think I will have to save it for another post or two.
There is so much to say, but I'm really struggling to determine what to type. Let's just say that my heart is heavy and burdened, but I can't put it into words. I think I will have to save it for another post or two.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Almost there, weeks 19 & 20: Our journey to the fasted lifestyle, pt. 28
We are almost back on track fully. We ate out only once this past week and it was truly due to extenuating circumstances. We had a gas leak in the house and we snacked, but couldn't get into the fridge or cook until after the gas guy left. Well by that time we were on our way to church and absolutely had to eat something. That was our one and only time to eat out this week.
It makes me so happy to even type that! The previous week was very hard and we had to have some serious discussions about our discipline and obedience. Our finances are extremely tight yet again due to eating our money. It has been for the past two and a half months since falling off the wagon.
We talked about how when a demon is kicked out we have to be on guard to not let it and seven of it's friends back in. We were discussing how this time was so much harder and it's because we let our guard down. Are we gonna let satan get the best of us? No! So we have to pick ourselves back up and do it and not just talk about it.
Last week's message at church, our pastor talked about doing our part. I can pray to be healthy and fit all day, but am I doing my part. No, I haven't been. I've been eating junk but expecting a miracle to change my situation. How can He give me such a great blessing if I'm just going to throw it away?
So that's the main theme of the past two weeks, doing our part. The Lord will do His. Here we go! Thanks Lord for getting us back on track!
It makes me so happy to even type that! The previous week was very hard and we had to have some serious discussions about our discipline and obedience. Our finances are extremely tight yet again due to eating our money. It has been for the past two and a half months since falling off the wagon.
We talked about how when a demon is kicked out we have to be on guard to not let it and seven of it's friends back in. We were discussing how this time was so much harder and it's because we let our guard down. Are we gonna let satan get the best of us? No! So we have to pick ourselves back up and do it and not just talk about it.
Last week's message at church, our pastor talked about doing our part. I can pray to be healthy and fit all day, but am I doing my part. No, I haven't been. I've been eating junk but expecting a miracle to change my situation. How can He give me such a great blessing if I'm just going to throw it away?
So that's the main theme of the past two weeks, doing our part. The Lord will do His. Here we go! Thanks Lord for getting us back on track!
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| Zoe at a park feeding the ducks. She loved it! |
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Week 17 & 18: Our journey to the fasted lifestyle, pt. 27
Not much change in our eating/spending from the previous month. Which makes me sad. The Lord is good because He has been so gracious to us and provided despite our disobedience.
I did have a lot of revelation the last few days specifically on the topic of obedience. I went to Texas Homeschool Coalition Convention here in The Woodlands. I know our girl is 19 months old, but I wanted to get a foundation for preschool.
I had grand plans, but saw that I could be easily overwhelmed when I started looking at the seminars available. I wanted to go listen about things that are so great, but not really what I was needing at the moment. So I asked the Lord what I should do. He guided me to the seminars and areas that were PERFECT for me.
I sat in on seminars dealing with child training, toddlers, and discipline. Basically, the Lord was telling me about myself. Of course! My heart was so convicted about how lack of discipline trickles down to our little ones.
I know that my discipline to the Lord is between Him and I, but our kids do observe and if we are disobedient, then our kids will be too. One woman defined obedience in her home. Basically obedience is supposed to be done 1.) cheerfully, 2.) completely, and 3.) immediately. She explained that if your child does something immediately and completely but is complaining, then they are rebellious in their heart.
Talk about heart piercing. When I obey the Lord, it isn't always done cheerfully. So I'm still rebelling in my own heart. It's so like the Lord to impart knowledge and wisdom for my situation as a parent, but also as His child. For that I'm truly grateful. It showed me that I want to obey the first time, to the fullness, and with a smile on my face and song in my heart.
Thank You Lord that I could go for these divine appointments. You guided me as to what I needed to hear and what will get us back on track.
I did have a lot of revelation the last few days specifically on the topic of obedience. I went to Texas Homeschool Coalition Convention here in The Woodlands. I know our girl is 19 months old, but I wanted to get a foundation for preschool.
I had grand plans, but saw that I could be easily overwhelmed when I started looking at the seminars available. I wanted to go listen about things that are so great, but not really what I was needing at the moment. So I asked the Lord what I should do. He guided me to the seminars and areas that were PERFECT for me.
I sat in on seminars dealing with child training, toddlers, and discipline. Basically, the Lord was telling me about myself. Of course! My heart was so convicted about how lack of discipline trickles down to our little ones.
I know that my discipline to the Lord is between Him and I, but our kids do observe and if we are disobedient, then our kids will be too. One woman defined obedience in her home. Basically obedience is supposed to be done 1.) cheerfully, 2.) completely, and 3.) immediately. She explained that if your child does something immediately and completely but is complaining, then they are rebellious in their heart.
Talk about heart piercing. When I obey the Lord, it isn't always done cheerfully. So I'm still rebelling in my own heart. It's so like the Lord to impart knowledge and wisdom for my situation as a parent, but also as His child. For that I'm truly grateful. It showed me that I want to obey the first time, to the fullness, and with a smile on my face and song in my heart.
Thank You Lord that I could go for these divine appointments. You guided me as to what I needed to hear and what will get us back on track.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Week 16: Our journey to the fasted lifestyle, pt. 26
This week has been amazing, sad, joyful, heartbreaking, encouraging, humbling all wrapped up into one. We are feeling the stirrings of revival in our church. Lots of stuff in my heart is coming to the light and being swept away.
I made some hard admissions and felt things that I thought were gone, but they were just buried and festering. I had my whole being shaken in ways I never knew existed.
I prayed and the answer was no and then I was left wondering why? I prayed and the answer was yes, but I was left wondering why now?
The biggest thing that came out of this week is a closer relationship with Jesus. When I was asking my "why's" to the Lord, He showed me Job 40:2a- Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?
I'm having to learn that the why's don't matter, but that His judgments and timing are perfect. With the why's I was telling God how to do His job. Not my place. Just my place to trust.
That's where I'm at, I will elaborate more as the Lord leads.
I made some hard admissions and felt things that I thought were gone, but they were just buried and festering. I had my whole being shaken in ways I never knew existed.
I prayed and the answer was no and then I was left wondering why? I prayed and the answer was yes, but I was left wondering why now?
The biggest thing that came out of this week is a closer relationship with Jesus. When I was asking my "why's" to the Lord, He showed me Job 40:2a- Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him?
I'm having to learn that the why's don't matter, but that His judgments and timing are perfect. With the why's I was telling God how to do His job. Not my place. Just my place to trust.
That's where I'm at, I will elaborate more as the Lord leads.
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| “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."-Matthew 7:7
Image courtesy of Bliss Photography |
Monday, July 16, 2012
Rest
The day is hectic. Rain off and on for days can make things feel a little closed in. While I'm thankful for the rain, I'm ready to go back out into the world.
I get my opportunity and it starts raining yet again. I come home feeling slightly defeated. My daughter is sleepy, I am too. I go put her in her crib for a nice afternoon nap and she cries. She keeps crying.
I go back to her and think, "you are tired, just rest already". The conditions are perfect for a nap: rainy weather, light thunder, dark afternoon, cozy sleeping arrangement. What else do you need?
I begin to rock her and hold her like a little baby. The baby she no longer is. I'm holding a toddler. She drifts off and I don't really notice because I'm rocking and singing. I look down and there is my little baby again. Her weight, features, and length completely different, but the look is the same as the day she was born. The look of peace, comfort, and rest.
How I remember those days rocking, nursing, or snoozing together on the couch when she was little. Those times are few and far between now. She wants her independence and most times fights to stay awake until she is in her own bed. But looking at her peaceful countenance I flashback to one and half years ago and play all those memories back like a movie. I cannot fathom the precious gift each one is.
I long to have that comfort, peace, and rest in my life. It is free to obtain, but my independence is in the way. I can run to my Father and lay in His lap, but I don't. I fight to stay awake. I fight to handle things my own way.
Why can't I rest? He knows I'm tired and the conditions are perfect: I'm thirsty for the Word, I have wounds that need healing, and I want to know Him more. Why do I think I know better?
He longs for me to rest in His arms. To see peace wash over my face. To know that I know that I'm protected, safe, and completely comfortable in His presence. Yet I don't. Stubborn as a mule, I don't budge closer than I dare.
Am I afraid? Sometimes. Do I trust Him? Yes and no. I'm sometimes afraid that if I trust Him, He will give me more sorrow or anguish than I can bear. So I hold Him at an arms length. And for that I'm sorry Lord.
I look down at my daughter again and I think of how she trusts me wholeheartedly. I know that the feelings she has for me are a picture of what I should have for the Lord. And the love I feel for her is just a fraction of what the Lord feels for us. I want to be wholeheartedly trusting of the Lord. Even now, my heart breaks at just the thought of loving on the level I need to love. I long for it as He longs for my heart.
I know He won't leave me where I am. "He won't relent until He has it all." Remove the things that hinder love, Lord. I want to dance after You with joy, fall into Your arms and rest in perfect peace.
I get my opportunity and it starts raining yet again. I come home feeling slightly defeated. My daughter is sleepy, I am too. I go put her in her crib for a nice afternoon nap and she cries. She keeps crying.
I go back to her and think, "you are tired, just rest already". The conditions are perfect for a nap: rainy weather, light thunder, dark afternoon, cozy sleeping arrangement. What else do you need?
I begin to rock her and hold her like a little baby. The baby she no longer is. I'm holding a toddler. She drifts off and I don't really notice because I'm rocking and singing. I look down and there is my little baby again. Her weight, features, and length completely different, but the look is the same as the day she was born. The look of peace, comfort, and rest.
How I remember those days rocking, nursing, or snoozing together on the couch when she was little. Those times are few and far between now. She wants her independence and most times fights to stay awake until she is in her own bed. But looking at her peaceful countenance I flashback to one and half years ago and play all those memories back like a movie. I cannot fathom the precious gift each one is.
I long to have that comfort, peace, and rest in my life. It is free to obtain, but my independence is in the way. I can run to my Father and lay in His lap, but I don't. I fight to stay awake. I fight to handle things my own way.
Why can't I rest? He knows I'm tired and the conditions are perfect: I'm thirsty for the Word, I have wounds that need healing, and I want to know Him more. Why do I think I know better?
He longs for me to rest in His arms. To see peace wash over my face. To know that I know that I'm protected, safe, and completely comfortable in His presence. Yet I don't. Stubborn as a mule, I don't budge closer than I dare.
Am I afraid? Sometimes. Do I trust Him? Yes and no. I'm sometimes afraid that if I trust Him, He will give me more sorrow or anguish than I can bear. So I hold Him at an arms length. And for that I'm sorry Lord.
I look down at my daughter again and I think of how she trusts me wholeheartedly. I know that the feelings she has for me are a picture of what I should have for the Lord. And the love I feel for her is just a fraction of what the Lord feels for us. I want to be wholeheartedly trusting of the Lord. Even now, my heart breaks at just the thought of loving on the level I need to love. I long for it as He longs for my heart.
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| Zoe asleep on Mommy, 1 Month |
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