Galatians 5:22-23

What a difference a year makes

2011-12-31T21:54:00.000-08:00

I feel renewed. I feel peace. I feel I'm coming up from the wilderness.

If you would have asked me a few days ago, I may have had a different answer. The Lord brought us through the most challenging year of our lives and we are seeing the amazing transformation He has set up for us from the beginning.

I will be blogging more in the new year as the Lord leads me on an amazing new journey. I can't wait to reveal the things He has for me and maybe you too.

This post will be kind of disjointed, but that's because I'm super tired and wanted to get this out quickly.

A few resolutions:

Read more, play on the internet less
Eat healthier (pretty much every year, lol)
Study the Word more (this is NUMERO UNO)
Choose joy
Love more

That's all I have for now. I will be posting soon about the first part of some deep revelations.

Birthday Girl

2011-12-30T19:44:00.000-08:00

Today is our sweet baby girl's first birthday! Where did the time go? Really... Where did it go? A year ago, I was holding her fresh out of the oven. Today she is a fast, talkative, smiley bundle of fiery haired passion.

The past twelve months have been the most challenging and rewarding of my life. Today was wonderful day of redemption. A year ago today, we were blessed with the most precious gift the Lord can bestow, but it was also fraught with turmoil. I won't go into details, but relationships amongst various family members were strained for a very long time.

Instead of joy on that day, there was alot of tears of anger and sadness. Oh, we were joyful for our wonderful daughter, but we were angry at those that would steal that joy.

Today however, the Lord redeemed the day. He always wins. We had the joy we should have had back then. We got to celebrate in a whole new way. I am so thankful! And I rejoice in the Lord's goodness! He also revealed many things to us today about the direction we need to take with Zoe and any future children. All in all it was a marvelous day.

Here are some highlights.

Zoe at 7 Acre Wood at the petting zoo. She LOVES animals!

My first cake! She fell in love. She has had very limited sugar until today.

Getting ready for bed and a story in my Narnian bedroom.

Happy birthday Zoe! Mommy & Daddy love you!

Open the eyes of my heart

2011-12-22T19:47:00.000-08:00

I run slides at church on Thursday nights. I enjoy it typically, but tonight was hard. I struggled the entire night. It was so overwhelming that I wanted to run right out of the prayer room. A cacophonous assault of anger, frustration, rejection, and offense berated me. I couldn't hear anything else.

I wanted to enter into worship. I prayed and prayed that I could let all of it go, but it did not. I feel like the Lord was opening up my ears to the things that plague me all the time. The questions of "why am I left out of everything to do with these people that I want to grow to know", " why can't they just like me", "what's wrong with me", "why can't I move past this", and so on and on and on.

I felt a great measure of freedom back in August and felt I was completely free. Of course I felt tested in that freedom. Then I was ill for all of October and most of November. I was homebound for 6 weeks with little to no contact with them. I felt like an island. It was extremely lonely.

When I came back I expected a level of awkwardness, but I wasn't expecting the barrage of attack I would feel. I desperately wanted to run away, just like tonight. In my sense of freedom, I became complacent. I let my guard down to the enemy and I was infiltrated. The loneliness I felt was amplified. I felt like I had left my island, entered the heart of New York and was completely lost with little to no help.

Pretty pathetic huh? I feel lame just writing about this. I know in my head that I have help, but my heart was being squished and wouldn't accept the help. I hate when my heart is wrong and it wins over head knowledge. It never allows that knowledge to sink into my heart which trumps it for good.

So that's where I'm at as we end this year of ups and downs. I want the Lord to open the eyes of my heart. So that I can fully know His goodness and trust in Him. I no longer want to struggle with what I have been for a long time. I want to walk in full freedom and my heart be so full of love for the Lord that nothing else matters.

I want to worship more fully. Live for Him. Tear down the idols in my life. Lord, help me to get to this place where I come up from the wilderness leaning on my Beloved.

Thanksgiving Fun

2011-11-27T16:47:00.000-08:00

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone! Hope you all had a great time and lots of turkey! I know I did . We decided to host Thanksgiving at our house this year and it was really fun. I loved it and was so happy to have friends and family join us for such a special occasion.

Here are some highlights...

Zoe and Grandad

Turkey Napkins

Zoe and Aunt Sandi

Declutter

2011-11-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

So my stress level for the year has gotten to me. I have had shingles for almost a month now. Too evaluate what has been going on, I have to back up a couple of months.

September was probably one of the hardest months in our marriage. We went through some really rough stuff and the Lord helped us through. We had another miscarriage and we both were at opposite ends of the spectrum of how we felt about it.

When we suspected we may have been pregnant, I was scared. I cried ugly tears. How could I be ready for this when our daughter is still so young? I was emotionally not ready for this at all. I was still trying to adjust to our girl because we have had a roller coaster of a time with her. I felt like I was spinning out of control.

Please don't get me wrong. I had settled in my heart that if we had another baby so soon, we would love and accept it. But my initial reaction was panic rather than joy. I hate even admitting that, but I am human and I am not perfect. In a perfect world, I would have been overjoyed at the surprise. And please know that I have settled all of this with God as well.

So I took three tests, the second one having a faint blue line. The other two nothing. I don't think my hormone levels elevated enough to register for a solid yes. So two weeks after my missed period, I miscarried at church. That was a surreal experience. I had no idea what to feel at that point.

I got home to my hubby and baby and told him what happened and cried on his shoulder. I was not relieved, I was sad. I felt guilty for having fear over having another baby so soon. I felt crushed. I did not know what to do. But this miscarriage was different in the fact that the time I had to grieve was in short increments. My daughter needed her mom so I had to proceed with business as usual and when I got the time, I could cry and process.

My husband on the other hand, was less affected. Which upset me. I know it shouldn't as men tend to process and accept things differently. I know all these facts about "a man doesn't feel like a father till the baby is in his arms", "men don't process a miscarriage the way we do because they don't feel the same bonds we do", etc... I had a hard time telling him how I felt when I wanted someone to say I know how you feel (which is highly unrealistic since he could never really know how I felt), I know your hurting, I feel the same way you do (again, not realistic), etc. I also felt like he blamed me for the miscarriage since I did not react so favorably to the idea of being pregnant again. Guilt has a way of making you feel that everyone around you is mad at you.

We finally worked it all out, but it took a few weeks to get there. We were able to express how we felt and what we needed from each other in times of crisis. Which is a great thing and it has helped us communicate better on other levels.

In the midst of all of this I was working on my second craft fair inventory and rushing to meet deadlines. I got sick in the middle of it with a sinus/upper respiratory infection. The stress of the miscarriage/marriage trial, craft fair, crazy deadlines, and illness exploded the day before the craft fair. My right shoulder and right side of my neck were ON FIRE! It felt like pins and needles shooting flames under my skin. I went to the doctor that Monday afterwards and turns out I have shingles. YAY! Not so much.

Shingles takes a long time to heal and you can't be around people who haven't had chicken pox or the vaccine. So I have not been out of the house (except walking with the hubby and daughter) in almost 4 weeks. I'm heavily involved with the kids at church and can't risk giving it to them...unless their parents want them to get chicken pox. Then they can come to me, lol.

So what have I used the past four weeks to do: Get my life right with the Lord. And deep clean/purge my house. All this busyness, stress, and distraction had left a huge whole in my life. I had not spent time with the Lord. I had let so many other "obligations" take over my time, that I had forgotten what was important. This was manifested in my home life. I was not communicating with my husband, our house was literally a wreck, I was spending less time with Zoe so I could do other things, but mostly I wasn't praying. We weren't praying as a family.

The Lord in His exceeding graciousness, found a way to get my attention and bring me back to my first love... Him! So that's where I have been and now where I am going. Back to the beginning.

Suburban Homestead: Fall Garden

2011-10-09T09:17:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. I wanted to update you on what our little homestead is doing. We finished putting in our fall garden a few weeks ago. We have had a few sprouts but a few things didn't make it (carrots and broccoli).

So far our leafy green bed sprouted and our sugar snap peas sprouted. The celery looks pretty pitiful at the moment. It doesn't help that we are going into fall with very hot and dry temperatures. But hallelujah, we are getting rain today! Watering on our own every other day only does so much when the land is this parched.

Check back soon for an update on what's growing, some recipes, and other sustainable living tips and tricks.

I Blinked

2011-10-01T14:24:00.000-07:00

And September was gone! I can't believe that it has gone by so quickly. We are now in the 10th month of the year. That is hard to believe as well. My daughter is almost a year old. Which is happy and heartbreaking at the same time.

I have been super busy and am looking forward to October being over as well. Two craft fairs in one month will be challenging for sure. Plus our Nativity play at church (we are doing it as close to Jesus' real birthday as possible), church fellowship dinner at the end of the month, and various errands and work to be done.

I'm just asking the Lord to give me strength and stability in the next few months. The holidays are always difficult. Let's just say when people think of the holidays, they think of happy times with family. Not so much for us. But we are hoping to change that. We don't want a negative spirit this time of year.

Other than working till I pass out every night, I am trying to enjoy our little girl as much as possible. We watch this alot...
It is Zoe's favorite! Her favorite parts in order of importance: When Dory speaks whale and when Bruce the Great White shows up. She gets ridiculously happy at both these parts. She seems to get concerned (as in she will make a weird whiney noise at the TV) when Dory and Marlin are in the jellyfish forest. It's totally odd, but so cute.

Well that's what we have been up to. I will post an update on our fall kitchen garden soon.

Abundant blessings to all!

Suburban Homestead

2011-09-09T20:07:00.001-07:00

The Lord has been doing wonderful things in our lives over the past year. He has shown us the importance of being self sufficient and not relying on the world's economy to supply our needs. He is also showing how He provides for His people.

Part of all of this has been a burden to store supplies, become more frugal, and to look at things from a survival perspective. So I decided to start documenting our family's journey through this process.

I have made my own laundry and dish washer detergent thus far. We will be starting a fall garden this coming week! And we are looking into power alternatives (i.e. solar, fire, going without, etc).

So welcome to our series Suburban Homestead. I will blog all the things we are currently working on or doing to make our lives more God reliant (we can't really say self reliant since we are to fully rely upon God).

Hope you enjoy!

The Response

2011-08-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

I had the amazing privilege of attending this once in a lifetime event. The Lord was there and over 30,000 people broke down denominational barriers to cry out to God with one heart, one mind, and one voice saying "HEAL OUR LAND, LORD!"

We got their early to get good parking and because our friends we rode with were apart of a prayer team that had to meet an hour before the doors opened. We settled into our seats and already I felt the attack. Some of our group were sitting in another area. That rejection thing started gnawing at me. I wrestled with "is there more anointing in that place?", "why can't we all sit together", and "they are going to be blessed more than us". (So ridiculous right!)

While these things are floating around in my brain, I start to tell myself quit that! You are being so silly! Well the Lord chimes in with "Close your eyes!" So I closed them. He revealed to me how I was looking at everyone with jealousy and contempt. I was envious of what was going on "over there" when I needed to be content with what was going on "right here". I spent about 30-45 minutes with my eyes closed repenting to God for these ugly things and asking Him to take them away. My heart breaking with each revelation.

Then He told me "Open your eyes." So I did and a wave of love washed over me as He said "Don't you see how beautiful this is!" I began to weep as He showed me a picture of Himself weeping with joy over His Bride longing for Him in unity. He was so moved and the thought of it makes me cry even now. He longs for us so much, but how often do we long for Him? I know not nearly often enough.

He then showed me another vision of myself as a very little girl running to Him and getting tangled in His robes as I hugged His leg. You know, the way little kids do when they see their parents. He was showing me that that's who He is. A good parent who delights in us and wants us to run to Him with faith like a child.

We all heard powerful prayers and praised, worshiped, and loved the Lord with all we had that day. The intensity and sincerity of it was palpable. I have prayed that I would not become complacent again, that I would press on and go even deeper with the Lord, but sadly I have felt the tapering off again. This has made me want to push past the plateu and keep going. I don't want to get complacent. I don't want other things to distract me. I don't want another lover of my soul. I want You Lord and that's it. "I'm in love with God and God's in love with me. This is who I am and this is who I'm going to be and that settles it. Completely"

I wrestle now with my time. I give so much of my time to things of this world. I can't be a friend of the world and a friend of God. It doesn't work that way. I notice when I spend all day working at the computer for my business or watching trashy daytime TV game shows, I feel those things the Lord broke off me that day start to scratch at my door begging to come back in. I have to keep my resolve no matter what.

Father God, My prayer today is that I will rest under Your wing and that You will shelter me there. Because it is under Your wing that the heartbeat is. I want to lay next to Your chest and hear Your heartbeat just as John did. That is the source of true intimacy with You, God. That we would consistently ask what Your thinking, what Your heart wants. Reveal Your heart to me and my family God. Would You let me love You more. I am lovesick for You, God. I do not want to run from Your presence. I want to run to it! With a zeal unmatched by anything that could catch my eye. Help me to guard my heart, eyes, ears, tongue, and thoughts God. I know these are the inroads to death in the spirit Lord and I want nothing to do with idleness. I want to think on things lovely, noble, and righteous. Even now as thoughts try to creep in of rejection, praise, and doubt, let me shun them and say "Out! For this mind is in love with Jesus! You have no place here!" Father God, reveal to me your heart. I am listening.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Yet another mountain

2011-07-27T22:15:00.000-07:00

I know in the process of removing things that hinder love, is the process of removing internal things that are hindering my relationship with the Lord.

One of these things is the fear of rejection and the praise of man. I hate this mountain! It stings far more than I like to bear. Which is why I only gain a measure of freedom and not full freedom each time. I wish it were an easy fix. That I could rip the band aid off and just be free!

Sadly, that's not how this is. It is a constant struggle. I am constantly worried about what people think about me, feel deep wounds when we are rejected in any measure (intentional or unintentional), and feel judged when we have revelation about something that others don't. This causes many sleepless nights for me, I am so sad to admit.

I have always marched to the beat of my own drum. Never cared for what people thought of my clothes, my appearance, my choices, but when it comes to having acceptance for loves sake I haven't been able to shake this. I want people to love me and my family. But sometimes that just doesn't happen. Sometimes you don't get the pat on the back from that person you enjoy being around. Sometimes you don't get the invite from the person you really want. Sometimes you are just not apart of the "in" crowd.

I know how silly this is. How much people's opinions really matter. It's just vapor. I want that to settle into my heart and never leave. I want to never be concerned about the way others view me again. I know that the Lord loves me and that I am His favorite! Now why can't I just let go and let God?

I read last year at the urging of a sweet friend, Bob Sorge's book, Dealing with the Rejection and Praise of Man and it was eye opening! Sometimes God uses rejection as a tool to dig a deeper well of love for Him in a persons life. The only catch, it is coupled with the equally difficult demon of praise of man. Yuck! Two things in one. So to conquer one you have to conquer the other. So that means, it's not a quick easy deliverance. It's years of cultivating a fasted spiritual lifestyle of seeking God only. His advice and counsel is far better than any person's counsel. Not to say that God doesn't send people to reveal things to you of course. But He should be my Go To Guy! Run to the throne, not the phone.

I also need not worry what people think of what the Lord is doing with our family. He is leading us down a path that some may not want or need to go. And that's ok. He has tailor made our walk with Him to suit us perfectly. We need not worry about what everyone thinks of our walk either. We have had a lot of backlash for it and we should expect it and count it all joy!

Father God,
I lift this part of my heart up to You and I say please have Your way. Please take it. Take this part of me and mold me and shape me into what You want me to be. I know You won't relent until You have it all. I desperately want to give all my heart to You. I know I can't follow You while dragging my baggage, saying "but can't I just keep it". You want me to lay my burdens down and that is what I want to do right now, lay this burden down at the foot of the cross. I want to be so in love with You that the voice of others is drowned out by Your magnificence. I know You have gone before me and the victory is already won. I ask that we see the full manifestation of the victory here in the natural. I want to look back a year from now and have the greater measure of freedom. I want to be content where I am in Your church. That I wouldn't seek affirmations from man, but from You. I want to grow where I am planted and to do that I have to get rid of weeds. I ask that You remove this weed in my life for it does not bear fruit or any good thing, but chokes the life out of the fruit I have already cultivated. Father God, You are good and You will finish the good work You started in me.

I ask this in Jesus name,
Amen

Removing things that hinder love

2011-07-17T14:12:00.000-07:00

This feels familiar. Oh yeah, this has happened before. I keep going around this mountain. I imagine I will do it again and again.

I have been in a spiritually dry place in my relationship with the Lord. I know that this is cyclical and it happens each time the Lord is drawing me deeper into His dwelling place.

I have given up so many worldly things in my walk with the Lord, but there is more still. These things hinder my love for Him who is I AM. The hubster and I have had a lot of conviction about the way we spend our time and what we give our hearts to.

After Zoe was born we got Netflix for our Wii. I was very nervous about it because I know myself. Lo and behold, I'm addicted to the thing. It was wonderful while Zoe was going through the worst part of acid reflux. She would quiet down for Word World, Veggie Tales, and Backyardigans. I would be able to zone out when I was overwhelmed with everything going on.

I also spend so much time on the internet, which I know some of it is unavoidable as I do business on the web. But I spend too much time.

I have also been watching, listening to, and reading things I know I shouldn't. Secular music, violent and evil movies, and books written by those who are known enemies of the Lord. What am I thinking? What is going on? Compromise is going on. I compromised myself and what I had promised to the Lord and now sin is rampant in my life.

We heard amazing testimonies today from our youth who came back from the Fascinate Conference at IHOP Kansas City. It impacted our hearts so deeply. The hubster came home and got rid of Netflix immediately and we discussed how we are to purpose our time from now on.

The Lord is so good that He saw to it to convict us both at the same time. Praise the Lord! Now to walk it out. Which is the hard part. God has grace for us though. We are going to win because God has already won the battle for us!

I have longed to feel this fire for sometime and I don't want to let it go again. I know the Lord will prune things from us in the future, but I don't want to fall into complacency and compromise again. Lord, help me to be faithful to You and only You! For You are exceedingly faithful to me and never fail me.
Amen

So It's Been Awhile...Subtitle: Our Journey through Infant Acid Reflux

2011-06-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

Us at our family photo trip to Brenham.

It has been quite some time since I posted here. Which is sad, I must say. I have started another blog called Adventures in Eating, but I don't want to abandon this one at all. I like to keep this one for revelations and life musings.

So what has life been like the past few months... busy, stressful, tearful, joyful, ready-to-pull-my-hair-out crazy, amazing, blessed.

I had not posted for so long because Zoe, our sweet baby girl, has been struggling with weight gaining issues and a nasty case of acid reflux. She cried for HOURS everyday for 6 weeks. At first we thought it was colic, but she was in some serious pain.

There would be days when I would cry right along with Zoe, not knowing what to do. There is nothing in this world like that hormone (that horrible, horrible hormone) that releases when your baby cries. It makes a mom insane. It makes you feel the need to soothe the baby and make things better. Well when there is nothing to be done because nothing works, you feel helpless, hopeless, and all around mad at the world. I felt like such a failure at times.

I finally broke down after trying EVERY possible colic remedy (none of them being successful) and took her to the doctor. I know a lot of people would have taken her in sooner, but we would call the pediatrician and she would say, sounds like colic, try X,Y or Z. We would and nothing. We talked to friends and they would say, sounds like colic, try X, Y or Z. We would and nothing. You can imagine the frustration. I literally got sick of hearing "that sounds like colic".

When we went in, it was determined that I needed to switch her formula and put her on children's Prevacid. The day we started these things, we had a completely different baby! I praised the Lord for this amazing transformation. We had prayed and prayed for the answer and we finally had it.

Since then Zoe has been the sweetest, cuddliest baby you have ever seen. She only gets fussy if she is wanting to snuggle and is sleepy but fighting it. Which she fights the naps during the day with all her might. I think she thinks she is going to miss something. She will be on the verge of sleep and her eyes will shoot wide open and look around. Silly girl is just like her Momma when she was a kiddo.

Some of this stuff is hard to admit to myself let alone in public, but I want to be real. And in the interest of being real, I fully admit I felt horrible about myself as a mother during that time, I did not enjoy my baby (please don't confuse that with not liking or loving her, I did both of those, I just could not enjoy my time with her, it was constantly being spent consoling), none of my preconceived notions of parenthood and child rearing happened the way I wanted them too, I need to trust my instincts more, the Lord is pruning me for being judgmental (OUCH), and I have a lot more growing to do (which was a no brainer, but this experience has shown me how far I have come and how much further I need to go).

I know that the seasons of our lives are changing. We have moved from distress, worry, and frustration to more peace, joy, and the stability of routine. The Lord saw us through it all and we will press on as each new season comes.

7 Weeks

2011-02-19T05:24:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it has been seven weeks since my last post. So that means we have a sweet seven week old angel in our midst. I love her more than words can express. Since life with a newborn is super busy I will just give a list of things that have been going on for the past seven weeks.

-Brought home baby (will post about Zoe's birth story soon)
-Was an emotional wreck (thank you hormones) for about 3 weeks
-Baby wasn't growing the way she should, can you say panic?
-Little bit started rolling to her side at 2 weeks which totally tripped us out!
-Praying everyday for seven weeks for our little one has opened up our prayer life to pray for other people/situations
-Breastfeeding has been super challenging: cracked and bleeding nipples are not fun in the slightest, baby having latching trouble, fussy and gassy baby due to my diet, me not eating enough to give the proper nutrition due to stress
-Found out I had plugged ducts about week 4, no wonder little bit wasn't growing, poor thing wasn't getting enough
-Started formula supplementation and now someone has super chunky thighs and I LOVE IT!
-Got mastitis in week 6, I have officially had every breastfeeding issue out there now.
-She started smiling out of emotion about week 4 and now greets me with a smile when I pick her up from her bassinet or glider. What a JOY! Totally makes my heart melt.
-Cuddling a newborn is happy/coma inducing. What is it about a baby sleeping on you that makes you want to pass out? Could be the peacefulness or it could be the sleep deprivation...
-Non baby related: Got better internet and finally broke down and got the local channels. Also got Netflix for the Wii which very well could be the greatest invention ever or the devil. Not sure which yet.
-Little bit has slept through the last two nights, praying this is a continued thing. Hallelujah!
-Hubby has been back at work since week 2. It was sad to see him go back, but now its a whole new thing when he comes home for lunch or at the end of the day. "Daddy's home!" is one of our favorite phrases
-Hubby had his 27th birthday! I love him more and more each day. Watching him with our babykins makes my heart leap with joy. He is a great dad and husband.
-We have had great friends and church family pay us visits and bring food which has been the best blessing! We appreciate all the prayers and support. Thank You Jesus for these amazing people!
-The house has been a total wreck for seven weeks straight and its driving me insane. I will get one area clean, then its crazy again in ten minutes. WHAT UP WITH THAT?
-I love seeing Zoe discover new sights and sounds. She loves the birds chirping and starring at the fan in the living room.
-She cooed and gooed herself to sleep last night in her bassinet and it made me want to cry with joy. How much she has grown and developed in just seven weeks.
-She greeted me with biggest smile today when I picked her up out of the bassinet.

So that's all that I can remember thus far. I'm sure I'm leaving out a ton of stuff. I want to thank everyone for the prayers and support again. Especially the women who have given me so much advice and wise counsel. It has really helped me through so much of the struggle with the breastfeeding/weight gaining issue. I'm learning great and wonderful things each time I speak with them. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T23:13:00.000-08:00

Best way to start the new year.....bringing home your brand new baby girl!!!!! More details to come!

Loving this...

2010-12-07T20:54:00.000-08:00

Hello all, went to the doc today. This was the first time she did the check to see if I was dilated at all. And I was 2 cm dilated and she could feel Zoe's head. So little miss is in prime position. It was so weird and cool at the same time. (Not that I enjoy pelvic exams or anything, yuck!). It was just so cool to know that our little one could be making an entrance sooner than later.

Well I came home and my nesting instinct kicked into overdrive. Which was mostly worrying about making her quilt. House still needs to be cleaned, but I can clean, then cut fabric, then clean some more, then sew fabric, then clean some more... You get the idea.

This is my first quilt ever and I'm so excited! It's already starting to come together quite nicely. Which makes me smile. I love creating things for my sweet daughter! I'm hoping that she holds out just a wee bit longer so I can finish up what needs to be finished, but if she comes soon, I know I will be just ecstatic!

Thank You Lord for this amazing gift. Thank You that joy is in my heart and fear is not present. Thank You for knowing our hearts desires and giving them to us. You are amazing God! In Jesus name, Amen.

Would you partner with me to pray for my labor? I could use all the warriors I can get!

Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T05:59:00.000-08:00

Image from Google Images

Thanksgiving is such a special holiday to me. Not only does it remind me to always posture my heart in an attitude of gratitude to our Lord who is the giver of all good gifts, it also connects me to my ancestry.

The first ancestors that came to the new world in our family were on the original Mayflower voyage. John Howland and Elizabeth Tilley Howland met on the ship and married shortly after settling in Plymouth.

I love what this holiday represents. It is one of the only holidays that remain untainted. Although Black Friday is sure trying to creep in with corporate greed. I love that there is no need to give a gift of extravagance, go out of your way to please people, etc. I love the simple fact that you come together and give thanks to the Lord who has provided a bountiful harvest all year long.

So everyone count your harvest blessings today and always. What has the Lord sewn into your life this past year? What have you sown into other's? I pray that we all can come together with a thankful heart today.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Stretch marks and varicose veins...and why I wouldn't change a thing

2010-11-15T08:40:00.000-08:00

So alot of women have been coming up to me and saying how much they hated their body after a baby. They want to change this or that. They can't get rid of that pooch on their belly, they are ashamed of their stretch marks, etc. All this makes me sad because they say "you will change your mind as soon as you have the baby."

Well for one I rebuke that right here and right now. I must be the odd ball here, but I love my "extras", lol. I feel beautiful when I look at my growing belly in the mirror. I have stretch marks that go well over my belly button and I'm ok with it. I have a scary looking varicose vein on the back of my leg that totally scared me when I went to try on maternity clothes at Target one day. I had no idea what it was and until I realized I thought something was horribly medically wrong with me or the baby. When the revelation came, I was like whew! That's all it is...

I consider these things my body is going through to be apart of one of the most important journeys of my life. My stretch marks are my badges of honor, because I carried a baby for nine months and gave birth. I am a mom. I am beautiful. Every bit of me, every bit of the new me. My body has done what it is designed to do. Produce fruit. Give life. I'm so amazed, it leaves me speechless.

I don't know if the change came after the miscarriage or what, but I used to have a vanity issue about this. Right now I'm just thankful I can produce life. Yes, I have my moments where I'm tired, irritable, heart burny, still struggle with morning sickness (yes, I'm one of those pregnant ladies who did not get to leave their morning sickness in the first trimester, sigh), and a plethora of other things. But I want to stay joyful over each and every thing. I want to look at the past 9 months when my daughter arrives and say every bit of it was worth it and that I would do it again in a heartbeat.

We all get so wrapped up in our physical appearance, but what about our heart appearance. If we are so concerned with the external, the internal is not being cultivated and can look pretty ratty in no time. Please understand, I'm not saying throw your diets out the window and wear sweat pants everywhere. There is a place for appearance, but it should be secondary and not consume us.

I think we need to have a healthy mindset of who we are, what we aren't, and where our approval comes from. Only then will the external truly reflect the internal.

I'm on a mission to stop "fat talking myself". Please visit operationbeautiful.com to join the mission. I want to stop saying if only this were better or I had prettier skin, or I lost 50 pounds, etc. I need to be realistic and say, Yes I want to be healthy and with God as my focus throughout this process it will happen. And I want to tell myself daily how beautiful I am because I am God's masterpiece.

Hmmmm....

2010-11-11T12:35:00.000-08:00

So I believe I left everyone hanging last time I posted. I was seeking prayer for gestational diabetes testing. Well the tests came back and I have it. God is good and He will see our family through. Please continue to pray for health for Zoe and that I will still be able to have a natural childbirth. It has been so strong on my heart. The hubster and I have been praying that she comes in late December spontaneously so that there is minimal risk for her.

The last few weeks have been crazy busy! So much to do before baby cakes gets here. Hopefully the hubster and I can knock out some stuff tomorrow and Saturday and be able to start posting pics of the nursery soon. Well gotta run. Gotta get started on dinner and get things ready for church tonight!

Overwhelmed

2010-10-31T19:16:00.000-07:00

I am up to my ears! In baby prep, career change, and home improvements. I really just want to cry it out. And I have cried a lot lately, but it doesn't feel like I'm really letting it out.

I have had a marathon over the last two weeks and am trying to catch up. I have my family baby shower this weekend which is why the home improvements are taking place. I feel so stressed about getting everything together and also the added stresses of work this week. It is going to be our busiest week we have ever had. I'm about to lose my mind.

I say all these things not to vent, but to be honest with myself. I keep telling myself, "You can do this, this is nothing, you can make it." Well in all honesty I don't know how I'm going to do that on my own. I keep looking to people and they keep failing me. I feel like I ask for help and they agree, then they back out. Or they offer, then tell me how busy they are and how it would be so hard to help me out. I feel very let down. And I shouldn't take up the offense. I get it people are busy, people have lives. My problem isn't with them. It's with myself. I keep looking to man to satisfy that need that only Jesus can.

Lord, I'm sorry for not looking to You when I need You. I'm sorry for looking to flesh to fulfill my need. I need to be fully satisfied with You as my provider, my source of strength, my everything. Father God, please take my heart and heal the wounds. Please take my life and mold me and shape me. Give me the strength to persevere. You are the only One I need. Shine the light on the dark places of my heart. When I feel pressured to perform for one reason or another, please tell me what I should be doing to please You and not man. Please help me to find rest in You and You alone. Thank You for all the blessings You bestow on me. I know I am not worthy of any of them, but I am made worthy by the blood of Your Son. In Jesus' sweet and holy name, Amen.

Trust

2010-10-14T07:49:00.000-07:00

So this pregnancy has not been the smoothest. It has been joyful, don't get me wrong. We have had a few ups and downs and some scares, but God is always faithful and mighty to save. The Lord gave me the verse from Zephenia that talks about how He is mighty to save, when I was interceeding for our little one in the first few weeks of her life.

The pregnancy began and we went to the doctor to confirm, they noticed that the yolk sac was abnormally shaped. We prayed into it and had others pray with us and for us. God IS mighty to save because the next time we went to the doctor everything was perfect! God is so good.

At about 21 weeks, I had some bleeding that sent me to the doctor scared and shaking. Zoe was in there just having the time of her life. Totally happy and unaware her mother was going nuts, lol. The bleeding was cervical and nothing to worry about. Yet again Praise the Lord!!! He is a mighty protector.

Now I have gone through the glucose test and my bloodwork came back high. We have another battle we are fighting. They want me to come in tomorrow to do the extended blood work glucose test. I am not afraid, I know the Lord is on my side. He is my healer, deliverer and protector. The devil is a liar. We stand on God's word alone!!!!!!!!

I know the victory has already been won and we just have to see it here in the natural. Everytime these things come up to lie to us, I ask God, "what am I supposed to learn through this?" And His reply is always, ALWAYS "Do you trust Me?" I humbly say, "Yes, Lord". He is drawing me into a closeness with Him that is so full of trust and faith. Thank You Lord for Your love and Your gentle guidance. "Faithful, You're always faithful. True, You're always true." I love You Jesus! I trust in You God! I want to be faithful to the end just as You are with me.

Cries of the Unborn

2010-10-01T09:44:00.000-07:00

There is a problem in our world. I know there are many but this one speaks to my heart in such a way that it makes me weep. I'm talking about the Silent Holocaust. Abortion.

I was talking with a friend and she had heard the testimony of a man who had an out of body experience. The kind where they go to Heaven and come back and tell of the experience they had. This man had gone to Heaven and God walked him around a little bit before sending him back to his body to give the testimony. They came upon an area where there were babies as far as the eye could see. Babies everywhere.

He asked the Lord, are these the babies you are going to send down to earth? God told him no, these are the babies I SENT to be a blessing, and they were SENT BACK. Upon hearing these words my heart was crushed. It is like saying to God, this blessing isn't good enough, this blessing isn't coming at the right time for ME.

Yes there are circumstances that are not ideal in our lives and sometimes there are harsh instances where pregnancy occurs. Such as rape and incest. I understand that those exist, but also that God is bigger than those circumstances. He turns all things good for the good of His people. Those instances account for less than 1% of pregnancies in the world today.

We all hear the cries of "how can a woman move on when there is a constant reminder that she was abused?" Well I don't know of anyone that could get over being raped or abused in less than 9 months. There is an alternative everyone, it's called adoption. If you cannot bear to see that child every day after it is born, then please please please allow someone else the chance to love that child and raise it.

There is also the unfortunate circumstance of possibly having a child with a disability. There has been so many advances in the field of medicine that we can determine what the child's body will be like when they are born. When women hear there may be something wrong, they would rather end the child's life to spare it from being born that way. When in actuality it is more because they are scared of what it will do to their lives. In the immortal words of Gianna Jessen, abortion survivor with Cerebal Palsy, who among us cannot learn from the least of us?

I read a story about a woman who was pregnant with twins and she found out one had down syndrome, so she chose to do "selective reduction". Basically kill the imperfect baby and keep the perfect baby. During the procedure, the doctor killed the wrong baby. She was still pregnant with the baby who had down syndrome. She underwent another abortion and killed that baby as well. First there were two, then there was one, then there was none. What tragedy.

There is so much more to say, and so much more to learn, but I can't go on with this topic at the moment because it is so emotionally taxing for me that I have to stop and interceed for women everywhere. Women who think that this is their "right" when it really is just an exploitation of women. Doctors and Planned Parenthood workers all over the globe will say that they are giving the women the right to choose their reproductive rights. But what it really is is a money hungry beast ready to kill innocent children and convince women they are doing the right thing.

I heard this question at the pro-life rally in January 2010 when Houston was on the verge of opening the largest abortion clinic in the western hemisphere: Why is satan so afraid of babies? These women are not terminating children that will one day be serial killers or rapists. These children's lives are being snuffed out because they are pastors, evangelists, missionaries, etc. A generation is being culled to suit satan's needs. It is time to wake up! It is time to rise up church! Let us say with one voice NO to the plans of the enemy! Let us interceed night and day for the end of abortion!

Life Update

2010-09-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

So I am 25 weeks now and I'm starting to have a small bout of nesting. I'm trying to get things done around the house. It is small short bursts of work, but it's something. Right?

So far we have had a ceiling panel replaced from when our ceiling leaked a few months ago. Our AC unit was working overtime in this Texas heat and started to sweat so much it caused our living room ceiling to buckle and dip and become discolored. Our wonderful friends from Forerunner Home Improvement came out and took care of us. We painted the ceiling after it was all said and done and our living room, breakfast room, and kitchen have never looked better. Who knew just a coat of paint on the ceiling would do so much?

A sweet friend of ours came out and painted Zoe's room for us. Trim and doors still need to be done. My husband and I are working on painting the changing table right now too. Things are slowly coming together.

I started a new project. My husband and I take out allowance each week to save money. We haven't done it in a while, but we started it back up recently to help pinch the pennies. So I am spending my allowance on new interior doors for the house. I'm tired of the 70's doors that are beat up and flat. I love the beveled doors so I went out and purchased the first one today. It will go in the foyer of our home. So exciting! I guess you know your an adult when you get excited over home improvement projects and new appliances, lol.

The only draw back to this project is the fact that I have to get the workers at Lowe's to load up the door and all that jazz. But when I get home, I have to figure out a way to get it in doors. It is slightly over my weight lifting limit for a 25 week pregnant lady. The hubster has been working a lot so I guess it will have to stay in the car until he gets out of work.

Another thing we are saving up for which needs to happen somewhat soon is taking care of the hubster's car. It has been acting shady for a while now and we really need to get it looked at. We should be able to take it in soon. Praise the Lord for that!

Some of these projects we want done before November 6th because it is my baby shower and we are having it at my house. One project that has been on our radar, but probably won't happen until mid November early December: Replacing our back fence that fell over on our gas line last March. It will happen. I know it will, we just have to get a few other things out of the way first.

Other than the chaos of preparing our house and life for a baby, things are just exciting. We can't wait to see things progress over the next few months. We are so blessed to have the things we do and to be able to prepare for the things we will. God is so good to us!

Another thing on my personal wishlist, that I have pined for for over a year: A Canon EOS Rebel T1i Digital SLR Kit with EF-S 18-55 mm f/3.5-5.6 IS lens (15.1 MP). Yes I'm that specific. This of course is not a necessity, but man I have had my eye on that camera for a long time. I guess the longer you wait for something the more satisfying it is when you actually get it. Kind of like a baby... ;)

Overcoming Perfection, Day 14: The End

2010-09-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

Well this is the end of the Overcoming Perfection Series. What have I learned? Not to sweat it. Not to worry if my blog posts are too short, too long, not insightful enough, not funny enough, not good enough. I can blog about what I'm going through and not fear rebuke.

At the end of the day all I can be is me. That's what I want this blog to reflect, the journey I am on with the Lord and the everyday victories, however tiny they may be.

God has me in a special place right now and I pray He keeps me going down this deepening path. I want to be able to share it as well. Part of that is writing it out here. But to do that I need to conquer the perfectionist spirit and cast it out.

The past two weeks have been truly freeing. I'm not 100% there and I know I will touch on this subject in the future, but I have gained a measure of victory and I am truly thankful.

Overcoming Perfection, Day 13

2010-09-19T14:48:00.000-07:00

I was out of town yesterday on some family business. It was fun and all, but I have some major major allergies when I go to visit them. They live in the Brazos Valley and I go into sneezing fits like you have never seen when I enter the valley. Oh well. All in all it was great to see everyone. I'm going to go take a nap then I will be back on later to discuss the wrap up of the Overcoming Perfection Series.

Overcoming Perfection, Day 12 (Baby Update)

2010-09-17T08:29:00.000-07:00

Baby Zoe at 19 weeks

Zoe Noel is doing really well. She is active and super cute! I know even before I meet her that she is super cute.

I am so blessed to have such an amazing God who would trust us with this precious cargo. I can't wait to meet her in January. My heart is so full!!!

It has not been the most perfect pregnancy (notice how God is dealing with me on perfection even in this avenue, lol). I have had to fight fear with everything I have. I don't want satan to get a foothold into my spirit or my baby's spirit.

I had morning sickness up until about 22 weeks, that affected me a good portion of my days. I have had random bouts of it and I am now 24 weeks. I have had so many more issues but I won't share because it may be TMI.

None of it has been the beautiful easy pregnancies you see some of your friends going through, but every second is worth it! Absolutely worth it! Just to feel her little kicks or wiggles, makes my heart smile and I can't help but thank God. I thank Him every day for this miracle!

Overcoming Perfection, Day 11 (or should I say post 11)

2010-09-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

I did not get around to writing my blog post yesterday because of being busy at work and then going straight to church. This is yet another example of why I can't sweat it. Yesterday was not the perfect day and I did not have the time. So it's good enough.

I have been dealing with alot of imperfect situations lately. Having disagreements with people I love the most. Friendships and relationships tested by hard times.

I would love to act like the woman who has it all together, but sadly I'm not. I think when you show your vulnerable, less shiny, somewhat crazyness to the world. It opens a door to showing others it's ok to not be perfect as well.

I would like some prayer. So if any of you are praying folks, please pray for these times of testing the Lord has me in. I'm praying for the refining fire of the Holy Spirit to come and change my heart.

Overcoming Perfection, Day 10

2010-09-15T17:44:00.000-07:00

This song really spoke to me today as I drove home from a hard day at work. Thank You God for revelation and for speaking to me so sweetly.

Overcoming Perfection, Day 9

2010-09-14T17:18:00.000-07:00

This is a quick one. Happy Anniversary to the best husband in the whole world!!! We are married 3 years today. God is so good to me to give me such a great guy!

Overcoming Perfection, Day 8

2010-09-13T16:41:00.000-07:00

My heart is broken today. My heart is broken for the broken families out there. The families torn apart by divorce.

My husband told me something a little bit ago that brought tears to my eyes. On facebook, he is a fan of a local Christian radio station and they posted on their page "Crazy Monday for you too?" One man replied that his wife divorced him today, but that God is in control.

Amen for that man's faith, but it's almost as if I can feel the hurting of the families torn apart by satan's deceptions. I feel as though I can feel the Lord's heart break for these families He knit together being ripped apart.

My husband and I both are from families of divorce. Both our mothers married again and we love our step parents, but neither of us know our biological fathers on any real basis. He has met his father face to face, but the last time he saw him, my husband was still a small child.

I have never met my father. They divorced when I was 6 months old. And for a long time I felt like a gap was missing and that meeting my father would fill that. It was only after I met Jesus that I truly understood a father's love. Now my need isn't to fill that gap, it's to help pray for and minister to families who are contemplating divorce.

I did come in contact with my biological Grandmother a few years ago and that was enough of a pursuit for me. I talked to her twice, but felt as if that's where the relationship was to end.

I have known many a family member or friend that went through a divorce and I have seen what has done to the family. How the children react, how the spouses seethe anger, bitterness, resentment, etc.

It wasn't until after I was married and came to know Christ did I have a revelation of the Father's heart about marriage. His will is for people to stay together, but our free will sometimes prevents that from happening.

I know there are tough situations such as infidelity, abuse, etc. I know that also is not God's will that those things happen in marriage. Yet again that's where our free will comes in.

Today I am praying and interceeding for the hurt and broken. The children who are questioning why? Was it my fault? The men and women lost and alone. Father God return their hearts to You. Heal them of their pain. Set the captives free, God. You and You alone can do this.

Overcoming Perfection, Day 7

2010-09-12T14:41:00.000-07:00

Quick baby update: Zoe likes hot chocolate. I know its the sugar. It gets her all riled up and wiggling about. And you may be wondering why I am drinking a hot beverage when it feels like 110 degrees out in the Houston area. Simple, the heat helps clear my sinuses. Still trying to shake this sinus infection.

Ok, so I have been holding onto this one for awhile. I am a perfectionist with God. Not that I doubt that He is perfect or anything. I just feel like I'm not perfect enough to spend time with Him or that I may not be in the perfect mindset, etc.

When I put it out there, it seems so silly to me. Why wouldn't I come to Him when I am angry, lost, confused, etc? Those are the times when I need him most. The perfectionist spirit lies though and says God won't accept me until I'm pure and white as snow. Which is NOT TRUE! In any form. God takes who we are now and transforms us over time from a piece of charcoal to a diamond.

I'm nowhere near a diamond. I'm definitely still in the piece of coal stage. And probably will be for a long time. But I just need to come to Him and lay it at His feet and let Him change my heart and mind. I can't do it and then come to Him afterwards. God would be waiting for me for eternity.

I am resolving to spend time each day, in any measure or mood. I want to be with Him always, but I need to get rid of this stinking thinking and this oppressive spirit.

Overcoming Perfectoin, Day 6: Never forget

2010-09-11T16:34:00.000-07:00

It is hard to forget a day like 9/11/2001. It will be forever etched in our memories. The photos, the video footage, the sounds and screams. It's so vivid.

I'm personally glad that we can remember such a tragedy and carry it with us. Mostly because it means we are not dead inside. The world has been desensitized to so many things, but this is one of our last remaining moments that make us truly feel.

Passions are stirred when we hear of protesting because of 9/11. I know mine was. I felt the indignation of a mosque being built near Ground Zero. I felt extreme sadness when I heard of a pastor, a Christian, wanting to burn the Quaron.

Both of these issues really touched me deeply. I do not agree with a mosque being built so close to Ground Zero. I do feel it is a slap in the face to the survivors and it shows our ignorance of what the Muslim world is capable of. When they conquer a land, they build a mosque there. Do we not see a connection here? If they want to build one, build it somewhere else. This is too solemn of a place to build near.

Then there is the pastor who retaliated by wanting to burn Quarons as a form of protest. How ridiculous! There are so many facets to this lack of logic that just baffles me. First of all: How are you showing God's love by performing a blatantly hateful act? If anyone feels this man is justified in his hatred, they obviously do not know the Father's heart. He loves us all. This does not mean He does not hate sin or idolatry. He absolutely does, but He does not want us going around spewing hate for hates sake.

Secondly, the point was brought up that our own military burned Bible's last year in Afghanistan. Muslims always burn our flag or Bibles as well. So why can't we do it? I will tell you why we can't "return the favor". Because vengeance is not ours. It is the Lord's. He says so specifically many times in the Bible. Do not repay evil for evil. God will take His vengeance in His time and in His way. Who are we to circumvent His will? This would just put us at their level. We are called to be more than that. We have a higher purpose and by doing these things we would be grieving God's heart.

Thirdly, an act of this magnitude is endangering people all over the world. By Muslim law, every American and Christian would have a target on their back. They would kill anyone remotely associated with our country and religion because of their belief that they have a duty to kill any of us on sight.

I am glad to hear that the Florida pastor changed his mind, but sadly there are still people planning on going through with the plan. I hope the Lord reaches out to them and opens their eyes and ears. I pray that they can turn back from this hatred and focus on Jesus, the true Prince of Peace.

And just to clarify, I do not agree with the Islamic faith. I do not think that they are a people of peace. I believe they are misguided by Satan. But I love them. Because Jesus loves them. We are to be the light of the world and are to teach others about Christ. What better way to do it than to tell the lost how much they are loved?

Ok, I'm off my soap box. Had to get that off my chest.

Overcoming Perfection, Day 5

2010-09-10T12:34:00.000-07:00

Hello again.

I have been on the hunt for fabric for Zoe's quilt, crib skirt, and curtains. I have had the hardest time in the world to find anything that ties in these colors: lime green, lilac purple, light turquiose, and a soft lemon yellow. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. I'm ready to pull my hair out! It doesn't have to be perfect, but I'm hoping I don't have to change the color scheme.

I have grand plans for the weekend. A friend is coming over to paint the nursery while I clean/work on projects. If it doesn't all get done, then it doesn't, but I will be happy with any progress made.

Hope you are all blessed and that you have a blessed weekend.

Overcoming Perfection, Day 4

2010-09-09T17:26:00.000-07:00

Hoooray! Lots to celebrate today. Feeling a little better now that I'm on the mend!

First off, Happy New Year everyone. Rosh Hashanah is today and it starts the Jewish new year. Hooray for what the Lord will do in this upcoming year. I am praying blessing on each and everyone of you as we enter a new year of the Lord.

Secondly, I have windshield wipers again! Ok, some back story might be helpful. About two weeks ago, my wiper motor went out on my car and we just got it fixed tonight. Which I am so thankful to the Lord for providing the way and the means. Driving in the first part of rainy season in Texas plus Tropical Storm Hermine coming through and dousing us was a little unsafe.

Thirdly: We have had a series of things happen to our cars and house that have had to be fixed. It has been stressful, but God is good and He helped us through it all. Our ceiling in our living room leaked and warped some of the drywall. We got that replaced two weeks ago and the hubster finished painting two nights ago. YAY for progress! We just need a new back fence and baseboards in certain parts of the house and we will be in business, lol.

Fourthly: I love feeling my baby move. I don't think I updated to spread the news. We are having a girl and her name is Zoe. She has been super active today. It's such a reassuring, joyful feeling! Thank You, Jesus for Your protection over this sweet little one.

Ok, so I think that's about it for today.

Overcoming Perfection, Day 3

2010-09-08T14:31:00.000-07:00

Hello again. So I found out why I had such a terrible migraine. I have a pretty nasty sinus infection. No fun! Oh well I was prescribed a baby safe antibiotic and should be on the road to recovery very soon.

I'm about to call it quits at work for the day. So I will head home, have something warm and easy to eat (my left side of my face is a little swollen) and spend some time with the Greatest Healer, Jesus.

Overcoming Perfection, Day 2

2010-09-07T08:36:00.000-07:00

Definitely not a perfect day. This post is short. I have a migraine and am struggling through work. Hopefully I can cut out early to make my way home and lay down. So here is my post, and it's good enough.

Overcoming Perfection Series, Day 1

2010-09-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

Hello all. As promised (go here for details) I am writing a blog entry everyday for the next two weeks.

One of the things I have slacked on in my life because of the spirit of perfection is my business/crafting. This past weekend motivated by the Simple Mom blog (also see previous post), I set aside 30 minutes at a time to accomplish the pile of sewing and craft projects that have been taking up space in my craft room. I was waiting for the "perfect" day to sit down and knock them all out at once. Well of course I would be waiting forever if I kept on that trend.

I have made a few of these:

And I have made this for my nephew Tyler:

Both of these items will be on sale on my facebook profile. My sis-in-law and I decided to join forces in order to support each other. If you are interested check out Lesley N' Allie on Facebook. Our official business name is Aley Creations.

The Spirit of Perfectionism

2010-09-05T20:16:00.001-07:00

So I haven't written in awhile. I have had plenty to write about. Baby updates, revelations for the Lord, things I'm passionate about, things I'm grateful for... The thing that has stopped me from writing all of these things is perfectionism.

I read a blog post from Simple Mom titled "Perfection: the thief of Good Enough". It really hit home. I have been told I have this spirit on me for a long while now. I didn't really want to do anything about it, but this blog really convicted me.

My house is a wreck most days. I let projects pile up and pile up till it becomes so overwhelming I'm discouraged to even touch them. I'm disorganized and out of sorts (some due to pregnancy brain but some not).

When I read through some of the examples I was shocked to say that each one was me. "Because you don’t have the time or energy to scrub the kitchen counters to a spit shine, you’ll just let the day’s dishes pile up." That's just one of many.

I always wait for the "perfect" time, mood, energy level, motivation, etc before I can tackle anything. I have had great and wonderful things to share on this blog, but I haven't because the ideas or thoughts weren't perfect enough or I didn't have the time. How sad that I can let one thing take over so much.

I'm ready to say no more! I'm ready to kick this spirit to the curb! I want to be happy with good enough. Even if that means, one room or even corner of a room gets clean that day. At least it was something. At least I can look back and say "I just got the dishes in the dishwasher and that's good enough." '

I'm challenging myself to write a blog post everyday for the next two weeks. Even if it's just a picture or a sentence, it will be good enough.

This of course is going to be a series of changes that I will write about. Let's just say it's my Overcoming Perfection Series.

Bigger than me

2010-07-12T14:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been sitting doing nothing or doing something and the revelation of the Lord's heart hits you like a ton of bricks? I am at work right now and I was contemplating all things baby. Names, what to register for, if its a boy or girl, etc.

I checked my blog reader and came across Joye's post over at The Joyeful Journey for today. The saying at the end of this beautiful post snagged my heart so hard. "God doesn't exist to make my dreams come true...I exist to make His come true." It nearly took my breath away.

I thought if I am here to make God's dreams come true, how much more is my little one going to make God's dreams come true here on this earth on through eternity.

Here I have been praying so hard for our baby to be safe, protected, healthy, alive, etc. Not that those aren't great prayers, but what I should be praying for more is his or her destiny in Jesus. For God's will to be done through their life.

I feel like I have been selfish, wanting this baby because I wanted to be a mom and raise godly children. It has always seemed about me, but it's not about me in the slightest. What I should be thankful for is that God will give it to us not because we deserve it, but because His dream is going to come true through them. That is the better goal hands down.

The Lord will finish the good work He started in me, but it's not just for me. It's for Him and that is all I can hope for in this world. That He will use my family for His purposes.

Thank you Joye for the prophetic word. I obviously needed the wake up call.

Dad

2010-06-20T15:10:00.000-07:00

He takes care of me while I'm too sick to move. While my growing belly is stretching, my hormones are raging, my body too tired to do much. He takes care of me.

He is patient with my endless crying because a greeting card opened the floodgates. My sudden snaps of anger, my moodiness, my randomness. He is patient with me.

He loves me not because I deserve it but because he has freely given it. I don't always accept this love in the most gracious manner, but seeing the wonderful man he is makes me want to try harder. He loves me.

Thank you sweet husband for being a good dad to our growing baby and our baby in Heaven. You are so good to us. We love you and can't wait for next year when you will get to hold our growing baby in your arms. Happy Father's Day.

New Beginnings

2010-06-05T19:11:00.000-07:00

Hello all. I had my second ultra sound on Wednesday. We have a cutie patootie of an 8 week old (technically I'm 9 weeks now). Of course you can't make much out but the baby is growing and has a strong heartbeat. I have been struggling with fear and not wanting to blog about it, but I say NO to fear and say YES to the miracle the Lord has given us.

Every time I ask the Lord why something strange is happening or something I'm not sure about, He always replys "Do you trust Me?" I say yes Lord! Another word He gave me was that He is mighty to save. So I have spoken that over my baby and womb everyday! Faith comes by hearing you know.

I had another Healing Room appointment and felt fear leave me, but it has tried desperately to get back in. Trying to find other avenues and ways to knock me off my game. I rebuke all fear and you are not allowed back in! In Jesus name!

So this is what is going on with my life. Wonderful growth and life in my womb. What's happening in yours?

New Season

2010-05-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

I have been so swamped that it's been hard to write. I have also been dealing with spiritual warfare which has made it hard also. The season that the Lord had me in where I was searching was a transition season. It was peaceful and invigorating at the same time. Well I have come into a new season that is difficult, wonderful, scary, amazing, and kinda disheartening all at the same time.

I found out a few weeks ago that I am pregnant again. I took the at home test and just stared at the result and was like "what do I do now?" Don't get me wrong we were ttc and both very excited. Before I was pregnant I would always say I will not let fear rule me. Boy was I wrong. Fear jumped up and down on me making me a nutcase.

My hormone levels are really high, much higher than they ever got with my first pregnancy. We have not had our ultrasound and I can't help but wonder if we will see the same thing. A lifeless baby. I know it sounds sick, but that's my only experience to go by thus far.

I have been leaning on the Lord for everything. Help with the fear, help with the pregnancy, praying for every bit of my life to come into alignment with His Word. When that voice tells me "you still have two weeks to the ultrasound, anything can happen between now and then" I have to fight. Fight for my sanity and my baby's life. I can't let fear rule me. I keep asking Lord, what's going on and he replies with another question... "Do you trust Me?" I keep saying yes and I will keep saying yes.

So I guess this is my season of trusting. I found the Lord in my season of searching and He wants to know if I trust what I found. Like I said I will keep saying yes.

Just an update

2010-04-18T08:40:00.001-07:00

Don't have time for a very long post as I apparently have food poisoning or a stomach bug and may need to leave the computer for awhile.

Just wanted to update everyone on a few things. The Lord is so good. There are many revelations he is pouring out into my spirit and I can't wait to share, so stay tuned.

Obi is doing well. He is very spirited and a great watch dog already. We just wish the cat, Cedric, will get along a little better. I know they will love each other eventually, but can't it be sooner so we can have peace among the different species in the house?

The hubster and I are doing great. Things with the house are progressing very well. The Lord provides for everything that comes up. Glory to Him who sits on the Throne!

Well that's about it. Will update again later.

Breastplate of Righteousness

2010-04-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

So my second round of teaching adults is here. I teach Sunday school for 2-5 year olds and teaching adults is waaaaayyyy different. It's great and nerve-wracking at the same time.

My topic is the breastplate of righteousness. I went into it focusing on righteousness. I had had a word from the Lord that He wanted to work righteousness in my life in 2o10. So I jumped at the chance to teach that subject. Woohoo, Lord tell me more about righteousness!

Well I got started studying and I think He wanted me to learn more about the breastplate instead. I hadn't even thought of the breastplate being significant. Sure it's significant in the fact that it is a protection. That it protects your vital organs (especially from a physical view). But it really is so much more!

The word breastplate in Hebrew (2382 Chazayah) is a combination of two words 2372 Chazah: to gaze at, meant to percieve, contemplate, to have a vision of, behold, look, prophesy, provide, see and 3050 Yahh: the Lord most vehement (passionate).

When we put on the armor of God, we are putting on this breastplate- the Passionate Lord's prophesy and vision. What better place to have His prophetic word than over our hearts? The position really speaks to me. His word protects our inward parts. Gives me chill bumps!

Not only is it positioned over our heart, it is positioned BEFORE our hearts. When we go into battle, it is their ahead of our own passionate heart, protecting.

If you look at the combination of the words for breastplate indicates that it is a revelatory armor. It is prophetic and visionary, basically revealing things yet to be seen.

Now for a more physical view of a breastplate. When a soldier enters a battle, what does he put on? His armor. What are the two components in the armor of God that are solely for protection? The helmet of salvation and the breastplate of righteousness. Now in the physical we have a third component, the sheild. Well the shield can be used as a offensive and defensive mechanism so I will not include it. It can also be lost or damaged in battle (in the physical not the spiritual mind you). You would be a silly fool for not putting on your helmet or your breastplate when going into battle (it would be silly to not have all the parts, but you know what I mean).

The breastplate gives you not only protection but what?... Boldness and confidence! You are to go out boldly knowing you can not be taken down because of what is sheilding you! If we are to look at the Hebrew meanings of breastplate it should look like this: walking in boldness for The Passionate Lord's Vision. There are those chill bumps again...

Now onto righteousness. In the Hebrew it translates (1343 geeh, root word 1342 gaah) to mount up, to be risen, be majestic, increase. Our translation in english defines it as: a state of being blameless before God or morally upstanding. How do we achieve this state or moral rightness and majesty before the Lord? We purify our lives. We tear down anything that is not of Him! How difficult to kill our flesh everyday!! But it is necessary for the Lord to work in our lives in a greater measure.

This new season everyone is entering is a deeper intimacy with the Lord. We must purify ourselves in order to achieve this state of blamelessness. Of course we are not perfect and never will be until the Lord returns, but we can strive for purity and righteousness everyday.

What is the first step to righteousness? Putting on the breastplate of righteousness and letting that protect you, guide you, go before you. Let it sink into your heart so that the Lord can begin removing all the hinders Love for Him. As you let that sink in, the rightness and boldness will rise up (just like the Hebrew translation to be risen indicates). It is also letting your spirit do all the ruling in your life and not your soul. Your spirit is the one that is connected to the Lord and as it gets its marching orders, we need to obey and not buck the system.

So how do we let our spirit rule? Practice, coninuous practice. You will eventually start to get it right. Shine the spotlight on the dark areas of your life and give it to God. Have Him wash it clean. He is the only One that can! When things come into your mind that are filled with fleshly or evil desire, cast it to the pit! Get rid of it! If it's a continual struggle, seek out a friend to confess to and be in agreement with. Always be praying for that purity to enter your life in a greater measure. Pour out your righteousness on Your people, Oh God!

Always on my mind

2010-03-22T21:02:00.000-07:00

I have noticed the shift in my thought process. He is always on my mind. I'm thinking about the Lord 85 to 90% of the time now. I want it to be 100%. But its so amazing to me that when I was a teen and was baptized, mostly because the other kids were getting baptized, I didn't think that much about him. I would go to church camp and be on fire for like a week, then I would get back into my routine. I did not understand what it meant to wholehearted.

Now that I'm entering this new season, I'm praying for this to continue. I want to be in constant communication or thinking about the Lord. Ramping up to 100% is not easy, and not necessarily attainable, but it is my goal.

I have noticed the attacks on my thought life. I have been inundated with impure thoughts, doubts, fears, and things that I have not struggled with in a long time. I know it is the Lord testing and refining me. He wants my whole heart and mind to be his. How can it be his if there is still junk that needs to be swept out?

One area that is particularly difficult is my dreams. I have dreams from the Lord on occasion, and dreams from the enemy on occasion, and of course some are from the flesh. I want to know how to help shield your mind during sleep. Any ideas?

I'm asking for prayer as I continue on this journey. It has been so rewarding and challenging. I can't wait to see the fullness of this season. The fruit that will come out of it. I'm so excited to have him on my mind and for the majority of the day.

On a quick side note, I'm so ecstatic to tell everyone, the hubster and I are going on a trip to Kansas City, MO to visit at the House of Prayer! Woohoo! Road trip for Jesus! We are spending our vacation this year worshipping, studying and soaking in the prayer room. So excited!

The Season of Searching

2010-03-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

Like I have posted, the Lord has me entering a new season. Part of this season has me searching. Searching for His Truth in each situation.

It is not always clear, whereas before it would be blatant. I think He is challenging me in a new way. To actively seek His face. I'm the one who has to run after Him because He is drawing me deeper. It's almost like He is saying "I'm going over here, would you like to join Me?" Sometimes there is hesitation (I hate to admit) and sometimes I'm bursting with excitement.

Now when I am having a hard time seeing God in a situation, I try to dive deeper and ask Him "where are You, what is the purpose?" It reminds me of the Shulamite woman in Song of Soloman. I want to be intimate with the Lord so I have to seek and I will find.

Lord, All I want is You. All I crave is You. I want to know who You are, what You think, what You feel, how You love, how You see, how You move. I want to be Your best friend, Your intimate confidant. I want to lay my head on Your breast and hear Your heart beat. Burden my heart for what burdens Yours. I want to Love like You do. Teach me Your ways Oh Lord. Amen.

Puppy Love

2010-03-19T17:12:00.000-07:00

I pulled into the driveway at work this past Wednesday and saw the most awesome sight. A 6 month old boxer mix puppy. He was precious. And super friendly. He wanted to get in my car immediately. I called the hubster and he said he would think about it.

I have been wanting a dog for months, but it never seemed to be the right time. The hubster came up to check him out. He said we could take him home, but we had to print out found dog flyers and post them. If no one claimed him in a few weeks we could keep him. Of course we do not want to take anyone's dog, but we also don't want him wandering around the countryside up by the station. Alot of people do just drop off their dogs in our neck of the woods because they think they will just wander away.

So here is our foster puppy: Obadiah (Obi for short)Can you tell I'm smitten already?

Out of the boat

2010-03-19T09:04:00.000-07:00

Entering new seasons can be difficult. Trying times are abundant because you are operating in a new way. It may be that you have made the season change to be a stay at home mom or enter full time ministry (in the sense of working for a ministry). It could be that the Lord is leading you into a deeper intimacy with Him.

Whatever that season may be, we all encounter times of struggle. It's like birth pains as you transition. Something is being born in your spirit that has never been there before. Of course that means some pain, pruning, and walking through some wilderness.

One thing most people struggle with during season changes is trust. Trust that the Lord will provide the means to plant the harvest, that the drought will not kill the crop, and that the harvest will be abundant. The main obstacle to trust is fear. We see things in our natural circumstances that cause us to lean on ourselves and forget God's goodness.

Matthew 14:29-31 (New International Version)
"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

Oh, how we are like Peter. FREAKING OUT when things seem impossible. How is it that I am walking on water? This seems impossible! Oh look it is impossible because I'm sinking! And what is Jesus's response.... Stop that! You know I'm always here. What's wrong with your way of thinking that you would doubt Me? Haven't you seen all that I have done?

When we are going into a new season, we are asked to get out of the boat and walk on water. Something we thought we would never be able to do. He says trust Me, I won't let you sink.

I know for me, going into this new season of intimacy with the Lord there have been so many things I thought I would have to live with. The Lord is showing me that's not true. I don't have to live in fear, I don't have to always battle my thought life. I can be free. But what does freedom look like? I have never walked ontop of the "fully set free" waters. (I say fully set free, because I have had measures of freedom.) Which in turn makes me have a Peter freak out moment.

I want this season. It is going to be great and I'm so glad the Lord has led me to this place. I want to follow Him all the days of my life. I don't want doubt to ever enter my mind. So I walk on the water straight to Jesus.

Oh that You would rend the heavens!

2010-03-15T13:53:00.000-07:00

I have been struggling with some ugly things for the last few days. I have been feeling the disconnect between me and God. I know it is all me because He never leaves nor forsakes us. I have been crying out "Lord what is going on?!"

We went on a retreat with our Intercessory Worship team at church this past weekend. I had high hopes about what to expect. What I got was something completely different. Instead of words spoken just for me I was attacked by the enemy. Not saying anyone was mean or cruel to me. My mind was a battlefield all weekend long.

I don't give the enemy credit for these attacks. I know they are from the Lord and that He wants me to be free and to test the freedom I have gained so far. I know He has allowed me to be tested in my thought life and so that I can stand in the face of adversity.

I was hit hard too. I felt like I was 14 years old again! When I was 14 I felt invisible and I was right back in those moments. I had the feeling that everyone was looking right through me and that what I said didn't matter.

I had such a freedom over the last few weeks over the fear of rejection and my identity was no longer found in what other's thought of me, but what the Lord thought of me. Imagine my surprise when it hit me like a sledgehammer. I want to be found righteous and I can't carry this on with me if I want to grow in the Lord. So I will push through this testing because I love the Lord with all my heart and want only His will in my life!

I prayed with a woman at church on Sunday and I felt the slow reconnection of the Lord's heart and mine. I heard him say "I missed you." I cried so hard. I missed Him too.

Later that day I started reading Pigs in the Parlor with my joy sister and prayer warrior friend. We were identifying areas of our lives that we need to sweep clean. We started the process of cleaning out our "houses" and filling those places with the Holy Spirit.

I can't grow or go deeper being hindered this way. As I clean my "house" (spiritually, emotionally, physically) I will share revelations of the Father's Heart as He guides me through. I'm excited about this new portion of my journey. I want to walk worthy of You Lord.

Father God,
Oh that You would rend the heavens and come down. Come down into my heart, into my life, into my home, into my city, into my state, into my nation. Lord come down. Bring freedom, not just for me, but for everyone who struggles. Everyone who hurts or lives in deception. We miss You Jesus and we want You to return. Return to our hearts. We invite You in. We hold up our hands to recieve Your love and repent of holding them clenched shut.
I am lovesick for You Jesus. I want Your heart.
Amen

This is the song that has been playing in my head most of the day....

So good to me

2010-03-09T07:31:00.000-08:00

It's been rainy for a few days here and normally I love rainy, cold, overcast weather. But mostly when I'm at home under some blankets with hot cocoa in my hand. The last few days have not been appealing to me. It has made me a little blue.

I thought I would share what I do when I feel blue. I listen to this song and it makes me focus on the greatness that is God. Hope you enjoy.

You're Beautiful

2010-03-08T07:36:00.000-08:00

So I have some insecurities that I am battling. I'm overweight (60 pounds to be exact, yikes, I really just admitted that), never really liked my face, never really liked much about to physical appearance to be honest.

I was driving one day lamenting my physical state. "How can I be so fat?" "How can I be so unattractive?" "What does my husband see in me?" When the Lord stopped me right in my thought tracks. He said "I don't talk about you that way, so you shouldn't talk about yourself that way. You are the fairest of ten thousand." Whoa! Talk about conviction.

I have now tried to shift my thoughts. I am beautiful because the Lord loves me. That is the only opinion that matters. Granted I am trying to lose the weight because it is not healthy and the Lord wants me to be healthy.

I know so many people that need the revelation of the Father's heart on this issue. So many women are beat down by society and our culture of waif thin models, thick makeup to hide "imperfections", and plastic surgery to have an "ideal" body. I'm praying for those women who find it hard to even like themselves because I have been there. It's a lonely place to be.

You are beautiful! Because God loves you. He does not make junk. He makes you in His image. Don't feel like you are hopeless or need surgery to fix your "mistakes." I say this only because I am pointing the finger right back at myself. I'm saying these things for myself more than I am for you.

The Book of Eli Review: Warning contains spoilers*

2010-02-24T13:11:00.000-08:00

I was hesitant to see this movie because I'm no longer a fan or rated R or violence. I like to keep it PG and under. But after reading a fellow Christian blogger talk about it and how it has a great message. I felt compelled to check it out.

For the record, sorry it has taken so long to post this, but I have had tons of stuff going on.

My husband and I went to see it on our date night and we were in agreement that if it got to be too much we would leave. Well I'm so glad we saw this movie! There was a little more violence than I would have liked, but it was fantastic.

Quick synopsis: Eli (Denzel Washington) has been traveling for 30 years to the "west" in order to bring a specific set of people the book he carries. He comes across a town where Carnegie is in charge (Gary Oldman) who has been looking for the book since the great war. Every copy of the book had been destroyed because it was considered powerful. Carnegie finds out Eli has the book and tries to take it from him.

Spoilers start here:

Most people already know that the book Eli is carrying is the Bible. It was so amazing to see the devotion and care he took to protect it. I also took note that it was the only book that was destroyed completely. They had made mention of its power, its message, and that it started the war. It really felt like more of a glimpse of the future than a movie. How many people in the last days will be so threatened by the Word of God that they will go to great lengths to destroy the message of hope?

Another part of the movie that spoke to me was when Eli was describing how he found the book. He said he heard a voice telling him where to go that was coming from inside him not around him. Wow! The Holy Spirit speaks to us in this manner and I really think they (filmmakers, screenwriters, and actors) did a great job of portraying the communication with God that Christians feel in a respectable manner. Basically they didn't make us out to be crazy people that "hear voices".

I almost cried at the end when he could recite the whole bible from memory. I want that kind of devotion to the Word to where I can recite what the Lord has written. This movie more affirmed my faith than tore it down like most movies these days do. It really inspired me to go home and read my Bible.

I will not endorse this as a family movie in anyway. There are plenty of parts they could have done without in my opinion, but I thought it was great for couples and for those that like action and love the Lord.

Love vs. Lust

2010-02-21T17:20:00.000-08:00

Something I left out of my previous post was the study about lust. I read a Facebook Status update from Doug Stringer who quoted Edwin Louis Cole - "Love desires to give at the expense of self, while lust desires to get at the expense of others." Powerful statement, no? It got me thinking about lust.

Is lust purely sexual? I did some digging and how we define lust in our human understanding is predominantly sexual. But in the Concordance and the Biblical definition lust is anything that causes us to obsess to the point of sin. Colossians 3:5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. As you can see in this passage, sexual immorality is seperate from lust.

That is alot of stuff covered under one word. Addictions, hobbies, sports, impure thoughts... The list can go on. What do I have in my life that causes me to obsess to the point of sin? Definitely food. Food to me is comfort, but it causes me to sin by eating things that are bad for me and to obsess about what I'm going to have at my next meal.

Doing crafts can become a sin if I don't give God all the glory and credit. If I am solely thinking about what project I want to do next, there is no room for God. I try to ask God what He would want me work on, then work on that while praying and praising. It's a slippery slope because it's easy to fall into the trap of "look at me" or "I don't have time for reading my Bible, I have too much to do."

When you think about it in these terms, lust sets up idols in our lives. 1 John 2:16
For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world.

The difference between love and lust is Spirit vs flesh, Godly vs wordly. I know I need to submit to the Lord for freedom from my lusts of this world and be solely focused on Him and His commandments.

True Love

2010-02-20T06:04:00.000-08:00

My husband is the leader of our Altar Builders (church small group) and we were discussing what to talk about tomorrow. I suggested a study on the Fruit of the Spirit. He is going to let me take the reins tomorrow and teach which makes me a little nervous.

Of course I love the Fruit of the Spirit and what it represents. Hence the name of the blog. Once I went in depth into each aspect, I never would have imagined what I would find. I started with love which will be our focus tomorrow.

Love is basically the entry level position of the Fruit of the Spirit and by far the most important. If you do not love how can the others grow?

I looked up what love means on Dictionary.com, in the Strong's Concordance, and of course in the Bible. In our limited human understanding of love, alot of the definitions mean feelings and emotions. I found one definition that really stuck out to me: A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

How interesting. We love our spouse because of the underlying oneness and commitment we share, the underlying oneness we have with our friends is that we share things in common, the underlying oneness we share with family is blood and background. What about others in the body of Christ, we share the Holy Spirit. Even those we may think rub us the wrong way, we are to love them because of that oneness. Let's go a little further, what about the unsaved. Our oneness is that we are all sinners and we are created by a loving God. Christ died for them as well as us. We are called to love everyone, even people we don't feel are worthy of our love, but I'm skipping ahead, more on that in a moment.

When I looked up love in the Concordance, it is translated from the Greek word #26, Agape (uh-gah-pay). I love the word agape. In greek it means: love, benevolence, affection. When you just look up the word agape (uh-gay-p) it means wide open. Funny how the Greek meaning and the English meaning have a similar correlation. Benevolence means desire to do good for others while affection means fond attachement or devotion. Agape as the English term means wide open as in a gate, but just look at the wide open portion for just a moment. When we love how should we act and what should our heart condition be? We should be wide open to recieve and to give. Freely I recieve, freely I give.

The Greek Agape type of love does not have any physical conotation to it. It's not lustful, self seeking, or does not try to exploit. It speaks of a love that you give to everyone despite their willingness to accept it or the fact that they deserve it or not. Agape is more about the person doing the loving rather than the person being loved. This is how God loves us and how he wants us to love others. It's seeing everyone through His eyes.

A friend of mine really inspired me to study love because she said that love is neither a feeling nor an emotion. She asked me to read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: ⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Yep, not a mention of feeling or emotion in there.

So if we are supposed to love everyone that we feel an underlying oneness with an agape love what does that mean? Being patient with them, being kind to them, not envying them, not boasting or proud, not being rude to them, not being self-seeking, etc. Whoa that is a tall order! But God wouldn't command us to do that if He didn't think we could do it. I know I fall short everday with everyone. Do I show love to the waitress who gets my order wrong, do I show love to the friend who is late, do I show love to the person who cut me off in traffic, do I show love to God when His plans and my plans don't match up? My poor husband alone has to deal with me being selfish, impatient, rude, score-keeping and so on.

All I know now after researching love is that I want to do all these things. I want to be a better lover to everyone, especially God.

Not the end of the story, pt. 2

2010-02-13T16:45:00.000-08:00

So I had my surgery. I have been super busy and have wanted to share this story in its entirety. I wanted to have all the facts and figures before I shared. This will be a long post, so bear with me.

I will start at the beginning:

I was a "sick person" since I was a child. I got sick very easy. I have had stomach issues for as long as I can remember. I found out a year ago that it was due to my scoliosis. Scoliosis is an unnatural curvature of the spine that basically pinches off nerves and kills them. When the nerves cannot communicate with the rest of the body those areas tend to become weak, ill, or completely die. I have been going to a wellness chiropractor for help with basically jump starting my body. A wellness chiropractor focuses on treating the main reason why you are sick which is your body not being able to function properly due to subluxations in the spine and neck.

Fast forward to Tuesday Feb. 2,

The day before I was to go into my surgery, a woman at my church emailed me and asked if I could come into church that evening so they could pray for me. I agreed wholeheartedly. I love to be prayed for before something major happens. Well to put it lightly something major did happen!

I got there and three women started praying for me. They began praying for healing and restoration. For the surgeons to be blessed. Then one of the women said "I pray for Alex's body to be lined up with the word of God and that her nervous system is able to function properly." I stopped them and said I have scoliosis.

So they began to focus on my back. They laid hands on my spine and prayed. I felt a shifting taking place. I felt muscles begin to pull. It burned and it was painful. I told them and they had me stand up. One woman told me she heard the Lord saying that He wanted to put me to sleep like Adam when He took his rib to make Eve. So she prayed that over me and my back went numb. It was as if the Lord had given me a local anesthetic. I was trembling and they sat me back down. The Lord gave me a vision of a rose, but I didn't mention it at that moment to the others.

They prayed for the spirit of death to be broken off of me and I felt something leave my torso. It was very surreal. They then walked me into the santuary where the Tuesday night Intercessory Worship team was playing so I could soak in the Word. I laid on some chairs at the back while I felt my back shifting and lengthening. I opened my eyes at one point and looked up and I saw an angel standing over me. He was looking into my eyes. It was a split second and then I could not see him anymore, even though I knew he was still there. I felt so peaceful.

They continued to pray over me as I sat, laid, or stood while the Lord adjusted my back. At one point it felt like my neck was in traction at the chiropractors office. I could not move it while the Lord was working on my healing. Close to the end, I felt a burning in the cyst on my right ovary. It felt like fire.

After two hours of prayer and healing I was able to walk around freely. I felt GREAT! I have never felt that good in my whole life. I had always had pain walking and standing because of my back. I did not have pain from the cyst pressing on organs. It was awesome!

I was able to tell a few people what had happened and I was in hopeful anticipation of the next day! I asked the women that prayed for me, what the vision of the rose meant and they said it is life. The Lord was giving me life.

Feb 3 (It's no coincidence that this happened on my husbands and my two year "re-birth" day. We were saved two years ago on Feb. 3, 2008.)
I went in for my surgery and I asked if they could do an ultrasound before cutting me open and they said no. My mother asked why I wanted one and I said that the Lord had healed me and I didn't think they needed to do a cystectomy. My mother, how I love her, did not believe me.

So they went in anyway. When I woke up and my husband said, "Hey guess what? The cyst shriveled up, collapsed on itself and was basically empty!" I just laughed. THE LORD IS GOOD! A week later at my post op appointment, even my doctor was amazed. She said that cysts don't do that. That it takes a long time for them to go away on their own. Woooohoooo! Praise the Lord!

As for my back, I went in for my 1 year x-rays at my chiropractor. I wanted the results right away. I looked at them and although my back was not completely straight, it was significantly straighter. I will tell you right now, that it was not the result of the chiropractic adjustments because I had only gone to get adjustments 4 or 5 times since my last x-rays two months ago. It was all the LORD!

My chiropractor, who is an awesome man of God was even amazed. He said I basically had two years worth of adjustments since my last x-rays. My neck is strong and the muscles are being restored. My posture is greatly improved. My husband measured me and I am a whole inch taller. I went from 5'3" to 5'4"! And boy what a difference an inch makes!

So for anyone who says, the Lord does not work in miracles, I am here to say YES HE DOES! I have copies of my x-rays and pictures of my empty cyst as proof. I am so humbled and honored that the Lord chose me for this testimony. That He trusts me enough to give me something that will encourage many.

So when I said in my last post that there was more the Lord wanted to teach me through my miscarriage, this is it! He had to prepare my heart to recieve this amazing blessing and testimony to share with others. Freely I recieve and freely I give.

I'm standing on the promise that my spine will be straight, that I will walk in 100% health very soon. I walk in freedom from the spirit of death and of fear. I am so blessed!

Is there something you need healing for? Health issues, heart break, loss? Please feel free to comment. I want to pray in agreement with you.

There is more to share that I will share over the next few weeks.

Not the end of the story

2010-01-29T17:50:00.000-08:00

Most of us know that stories never truly have an ending. It's the same way with testimonies.

I was struggling with anger about the upcoming surgery. Not that I had to go through it, but because I never have time to take time off. How can I heal if I don't have time? How can I take time off when there is so much to do at work? I was seriously stressed out.

Well, a woman at church who has incredible discernment came up to me and flat out told me "what's up with your spirit?" So I told her how I'm just trying to get through and deal with the pain, work out a time to get the procedures done, and how tired I was. She prayed for me and she said something "Lord show Alex what she needs to do and what she needs to let go of."

Big check in my spirit! I was praying to God, what is going on? What do I need to get rid of? How can I even accomplish that? Of course I was being doubtful. He then told me during church service, "There was still another lesson you needed to learn from your miscarriage, that's why you are still carrying this leftover. I need you to be free from the guilt and obligation you feel to certain people, certain places, and certain things. I need you to be free from the word YES. Always saying yes to everything and always no to yourself, your husband, your home, your ministry outside your job, your friends, your family (the list went on and on). I don't treat you that way, so you shouldn't either." I was blown away! He then told me "I'm forcing you to say NO!" He revealed that the spiritual reason the miscarriage has not completed, that the cyst has grown to a large size, that I'm so sick and tired was because I need to learn to say no. I need to learn that its ok to take time for yourself to heal.

I cried and went up to get prayer from a good friend for freedom from the word yes. She cried with me because she has been speaking that word to me over and over. It's funny how you can get something in your brain and it totally makes sense, but until it sinks into your heart and spirit, its not fully understood.

How often do we do this to ourselves? Push ourselves beyond any reasonable limit because "I fear for my job security", "there's no one else to do it", "I have to because so and so will be mad at me." God does not treat us that way. He does not operate in fear of job loss, rejection, guilt, etc. Oh how foolish I have been. Lord forgive me. He asks us to do what He wills for our lives, which is way better than our to do list any day! The only To Do list we should be concerned with is His!

I'm not 100% free, but I know its coming. I'm praying for strength to do the things that need to be done in order to say no in love and not in anger. I'm not there yet, but I will be. The Lord has my back! I know He is preparing me for great things. I need to be able to set boundaries in order to grow in the things He has planned for me.

Lord thank You for Your wisdom and revelation. Thank You that You are growing me into Your likeness everyday. Lord, forgive me for my fear has caused me to sin. Please Lord come and give me freedom from the fear of the spirit of man. I ask this in Your Son's Holy Name, AMEN!

Long day...

2010-01-22T17:11:00.000-08:00

It seems that since August I have been exhausted. It was because I was pregnant and creating a baby is hard work. Then there was the miscarriage which was really exhausting as well. It just felt like the past few months the tiredness lingered.

Turns out not everything left my body when I had the miscarriage and am now going to have a D&C. I also have a large cyst on my right ovary that causes quite a bit of pain and that will be removed as well. I'm looking at two surgeries coming up very soon.

I have a peace about everything. Spiritually and emotionally I'm great. I totally trust the Lord and know that His plans are way better than ours. I have joy about all of this.

The only thing that gets me is the tiredness! The extreme, fall asleep standing up exhaustion. My body has thought it was in the first trimester of pregnancy since August. Plus being anemic makes me tired on top of that.

I'm looking forward to a fresh start after all the surgeries. The Lord has big plans for us and I'm just so excited to see what they are!

2010, the first 8 days.

2010-01-08T18:58:00.000-08:00

Captains log, stardate 2010. The title sounds like I should start my blog like that. Or like I'm trapped in the wilderness somewhere with a small journal chronicling what may be the last few days of my life. Ok, I'm weird, I'll admit it.

Anyway. The first 8 days have been challenging and rewarding. Our house flooded a few days before the New Year. Our guest bathroom, the hallway, our bedroom, and the living room all had water in them to some degree. The main line that leads out to our house to the sewer system backed up. It is basically roots from our two large oak trees in the front yard.

I can usually stay pretty optimistic, but this one got me. I was down for a few days. The hubster and I were thinking of ways to pay for the plumbing (garage sales, selling stuff online, posting more things on my Etsy site, etc.). The house was a wreck (still is) and I want this fixed ASAP!

We were also praying. And as He always does, the Lord came through. I can't believe I doubted this one. I kicked myself for that. He always takes care of us because He loves us so much. If He had a fridge our picture would be on it!

He doesn't want us to stay in the funk, the worry, the doubt, or the questioning. We are such an impatient people that we want things to happen right now, but we have to wait on the Lord. The waiting is the hardest thing in the world sometimes, but we need to cultivate in our spirits the patience and peace that only He provides. Apparently I'm not done learning about patience. But I do know, He doesn't want me to be where I've been in 2010.

So I will continue learning and growing and waiting on the Lord. His way is way better than mine.

Our house is still in shambles, the back up is not fixed, we need new carpet and baseboards and I couldn't be happier. The Lord is so good and it will all get done in His time.

2010... So weird!

2010-01-01T14:29:00.000-08:00

TOTALLY weird to say Twenty Ten! Seems wrong to me. Much like it did to say 2000, after living much of my life in the Nineteen somethings.

Anyway, time for the annual resolutions. It's more like what I want to discipline myself in and what I'm asking for God to do in our lives and the lives of everyone around us.

Things of the Spirit:
1. Ask for more of God in my heart. This means more dying to my flesh. 2009 seemed like a whole long year of dying to my flesh, but I want more. I'm thirsty for the Lord and I want to go deeper.

2. Be continually growing. I think I made this resolution last year, but it still applies.

3. Love more, hate less. I will always be a work in progress.

4. Forgive more, be offended less. I need to let things go. Lord come into my heart and wipe out those things that have unforgiveness around them.

5. Rejoice in the everyday miracles. I don't need a huge sign to say "The Lord is right here". I need to open my eyes to see Him in everything everyday.

6. Walk through the refining fire of the Holy Spirit with grace. God gives us tests and I need to resolve that I will walk through the fire if He wants me to.

7. Pray more for others and not just myself. I can get wrapped up in what I want and forget to ask what someone else needs. Apart of this is to pray for those we love that are not saved. Lord bring Salvation!

8. Pray more for what is on the Lord's Heart and not just my own. I need to die to the selfish "me, me, me".

9. Speak in Boldness about the Lord! NO fear!

10. Walk in my authority and gifts. I want God to work through me so that His light will shine to everyone around me. That He will be glorious and there will be no question of Who HE is!

Things of the Natural:
1. Make a nice home for me and my husband to live in. Cook and clean more. Be a good wife both in practice and in prayer.

2. Spend more time in the Word.

3. Read more.

4. Be on a schedule! I'm so bad about just doing stuff on a whim. Or packing my schedule full.

5. Say NO more. Create healthy boundaries with people. I don't have to over commit myself to everything. I only have to do what I really want to or that I am available more. If I have to completely rearrange my schedule to accommodate something then I probably don't have to do it.

6. Stick to our budget.

7. Create more.

8. Take time to rest.

9. Declutter.

10. Be more healthy. (Typical huh?) I mean all around healthy. Diet, exercise, thought life, heart condition, toxin removal (in my body and in my environment).

Of course there are things that I would love the Lord to bless us with (a child for one). But that's for Him to decide and if it's in His will, we receive it and if it isn't for this year, we receive that too.

What are your New Year's Resolutions?

Christmas Traditions

2009-12-26T22:23:00.000-08:00

Hello all. Hope you are all doing well this wonderful Christmas season. Of course today is the day after Christmas (Boxing Day in the UK).

I saw on Wonder Woman Wannabe's blog that she had a Christmas tradition Link Party. I missed it! But it did inspire me to write about some of the traditions the hubster and I are starting.

We are not your typical American family. We have a few traditions that most people think is bizarre and really no one gets it unless the Lord has led them to do the same thing.

1. We do not give material gifts, we give presence, acts of service, charitable donations, etc. We do not give things that are tangible. This is our first year to cut ties with the material side of Christmas. It was a little rough at first for the family members to understand when we broke the news. We decided not to give anything this year so people can be accustomed when we give a card next year saying "a donation was made...." or "this year I will help you clean your garage...". If we are celebrating Jesus' birth we want to give Him presents in the form of love, kindness, servitude, etc. I don't get presents on my sister's birthday, do I? For us this isn't any different.

2. We don't do Santa. Period.

3. We celebrate Jesus' birth with no worldly distractions. We want Him to be our focus! Our ONLY focus! I read in another blog when I was struggling to explain our Christmas traditions something that made a whole lot of sense. She was quoting a woman who wrote a book about Christianity and Christmas. If people from a foreign country were to come into your house at Christmas time and they had never heard of the name Jesus, would they know who you served by looking at your decorations? If Santa, Reindeers or Frosty is plastered all over will they get that I am celebrating the birth of my Lord and Savior?

4. We love looking at Christmas lights. There is one street in particular in our area that is EPIC! We love it though because so many people put so much hard work and heart into those decorations.

5. We bake cookies for the fire and police departments in the area as a Thank You for serving our community all year long.

I'm sure there are plenty of other family traditions that we will start in the years to come and as we add to our family. I'm sure our house will be the most popular among the secular set, lol. We aren't here to be popular, we are here to serve the Lord. That's all we want in our lives.

Houston....Alaska

2009-12-13T21:12:00.001-08:00

Our Nativity scene that we keep up year round.

Hey, did you know there was a Houston, Alaska? I didn't until about 12 hours ago. I hail from a little farther south in Houston, TX. I would love to go see Houston, Alaska one day mostly because it has something I desperately long for.... Snow! I love me some snow!

I had not seen real snow until this past January when my husband and I went on our honeymoon to the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. I fell madly in love. Well while we were up there, I was inspired by all the winter decor items there (Moose, Black Bears etc.). I already had quite a collection of penguins and polar bears and tried to find some common ground to blend the two decor groups. Then it hit me... Alaska!

Being the weirdo who likes to research things I went on the interwebs and found out some fun facts about their wildlife. Alaska has all my favorite winter animals and the longest coast line in the US (did I mention I like the beach as well). With the exception of penguins, they are not native but sometimes find their way into Alaskan waters. So I will keep them, thanks. I think I have come up with fun decor in my opinion of course. I like to call it "Alaskan Coast." (Yes I name the themes in my house.)

Black bear wreaths. Inspired by the Nester's Fur Wreath.

They are so cuddly I could snuggle them! They are hung with plaid fleece cut to look like scarves and I liked the way they draped over the back of the door so I just dolled them up (see below).
Front entryway decor.
This is Blakeslee. I got him on our honeymoon. He inspired the whole front entryway motif.
Feather tree from Hobby Lobby.
Green, silver and white ornaments with silver glitter shells.
Cloche with wintery nest inside. I made the tassly thing with a $1 bell from Michaels and extra fabric that I had laying around.
Snowball Fight Ammunition (will spruce it up more next year).
The trunk behind our couch. I used faux polar bear fur and put some of the penguins on it.
Our mantle. The mason jars have epsom salt in them that looks like snow (thanks Inspired Room).
Eddie Ross Ornament Wreath. Mine is highly unstable. I mixed in a few breakable ornaments since I was going to hang it indoors in a stationary place.
These decorations are very preliminary. This is our first Christmas in this house so we will see how it grows.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Don't forget the real reason for the season.

The Lord Heals

2009-12-11T22:48:00.000-08:00

Father God forgive me for not sharing this sooner! I have an awesome testimony that I cannot believe I forgot to type out. I have told a ton of people in person, but I sometimes forget to share on my blog.

Last month I attended a women's Bible study/prayer meeting with my friend Kim. She was the only one I knew there. We praised, worshipped, prayed, and gave words of encouragement to each other. It was awesome! The Lord really met us there.

While we were praying in a circle, my back was on fire. It was killing me to stand up. One woman, Cookie, asked me to come over to her and pray. So I prayed my prayer for those seeking fulfillment and looking in the wrong places. After I prayed she said "you have back problems don't you?" I told her I did. She said God wanted to heal me. I was shocked and ready!

She prayed for my hips to come into alignment and for my back pain to cease. I felt my hips move while my feet were firmly planted on the ground. It was a weird shift, but I felt it move! After she finished, she asked me to do something I have never been able to do without pain. For the FIRST TIME in my LIFE, I TOUCHED MY TOES!!!!!!

To understand what a HUGE deal this is let me give you some history. Growing up I was the "smart" one. My sister was the "pretty, athletic" one. I desperately wanted to be athletic. I couldn't be a cheerleader at our high school unless I was able to be flexible. I had never been able to touch my toes my entire life. So I would stretch for hours for days on end. I tried so hard. Nothing ever worked. I would be so frustrated and angry. Why wouldn't it work for me?

Well when I touched my toes, I burst into tears and thanking Jesus for His amazing healing! I have been able to touch my toes since and I love doing it!

Well the Monday after I was prayed for, I had to go in for X-rays for my chiropractic evaluation. That Tuesday I went in to talk to Dr. Chad to get the results. My back had improved only a little and my neck still needs alot of work (I have scoliosis). He said that my victory was in my HIPS! He showed me how they are now perfectly aligned and level! I burst into tears again (again I'm totally a crier). I hadn't had an adjustment in over a month and had been lagging in my adjustments before that. I told him what Jesus had done for me. He was so excited and told me to tell everyone. So here I am to tell you all, JESUS HEALED MY HIPS!

Unexpected

2009-12-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

Very few things in life are planned. This past year has been proof positive of that for us. We have been on the roller coaster of our life this year. If you compared it to some of the previous years, this year would be the Viper where as other years might be the Serpent (those of you that grew up in the Houston area and went to Astroworld know what I'm talking about).

I usually wait till the last day of the year to write a recap, but I felt strongly about doing it tonight even though there is several weeks left in the year.

We started the year off like many others. Stu at work. I was at church praying in the new year (new tradition). We were both so excited about this year. We had big plans. You know that joke-Ever want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. Well He had other plans for us.

We bought a house in March. Biggest step in our married lives thus far. It was an awesome feeling. It was not where I wanted it to be, but God gave us something so much better than what I had planned. We have a beautiful neighborhood, Jesus loving neighbors, small town feel, etc. God had set us in the place He wanted us.

We knew houses were work, but this was some serious labor. We may now be qualified as contractors (so joking). We have had roots in our guest bathroom toilet pipes, a kitchen that took FOOOOORRRREEEEEVVVVEEEEERRRR to make it usable, rodents in the attic, dead rodents in the wall a few weeks later, and not one single room in the house is complete. We wouldn't trade it for the world. God has taught us so much through this process and we have been growing in skills and spiritual gifts because of this house. My husband is a regular handyman now. He was good before, but he is now honing his skills.

In August we decided we would TTC. It was alot of prayer, indecision, and fear that got us to that point. God had put it on our hearts that now was the time. So we timidly stepped forward into the possibility of growing our family. Within two weeks we were pregnant! Completely unexpected. We thought it would be months, but no, the Lord is good.

Two and a half months into the pregnancy, we found out the baby passed away. We were heartbroken, but we have leaned on God for strength. He has taught us so many things about His perfect will for our lives. We are 100% certain that His judgements are perfect. He has healed our hearts and helped us walk into a new understanding of His love and grace.

Another thing that has cropped up in this last week, which is another part of the road we are on. Doctors found a shadow on my mother's mammogram results. She went back in today for some more testing and should get the results and the diagnosis whether she needs a biopsy on Wednesday. (Please pray if you feel lead to pray.)

I have just scratched the surface as to the plethora of things that happened this last year. So many birthdays, holidays, births, deaths, joyous occassions, sadness, arguments, laughter that make up the everyday. I have just chosen these specific ones because they are the ones with the strongest emotions attached to them.

It seems that everything that has happened to us this year has been perfect for us. That feels totally weird to type. God has our lives planned and we don't need to worry about any of the details. Everything has happened for a reason. Just because the path isn't always pretty with tulips and roses lining the road, doesn't mean it's not a good path. Our path this year has had it's share of jagged rocks and slippery stones, but we have someone who has held our hands every step of the way. I think you learn the most from the rocky, narrow path.

If you would have told us a few years ago that any of this would have happened, especially how we have come through this year, we would have laughed in your face. A few years ago, we did not have Jesus in our lives and would not have dealt with this year very well. God knew when we could handle this year. He planned it all this way. He is so gentle and faithful like that. We have found in ourselves reactions, words, thoughts, and actions that are completely unexpected to even us. We have tangible evidence of who we were then and who we are now. That transforming power is only through Jesus. We wouldn't have been able to get through any of this without Him. I guess that's the thing about Jesus, always expect the unexpected.

Birthday Recap

2009-12-05T20:42:00.000-08:00

Sadly, no snow pics. It stopped by the time I could get around to taking pictures. Oh well, maybe it will snow later in the season (I type with a hopeful leap in my heart). Lord please let it snow again! Global warming is a total joke!

Who knew?

2009-12-04T12:38:00.000-08:00

So it's my 28th birthday and it's snowing. Some people may say that's normal. What isn't normal is that it's HOUSTON, TX!!!! I will post pics if I can get any. It rarely snows in Houston, like once a decade. It has snowed the past two years and then two years before that. I'm so happy to have snow on my birthday. Jesus, thank you for making it snow on my birthday! It's the best birthday gift ever!

Thanksgiving Blessings

2009-11-27T09:36:00.000-08:00

This year was great! That is pretty much the first time I can say that. Both the hubster's family and my own have a history of ugly holidays. Fights, crying, harsh words (sometimes, fisticuffs). Sad, but true.

We prayed into the Thanksgiving holiday so much this year and took authority over anything that would try to steal, kill or destroy our joy. We prayed to be the light of Christ to our families. God showed up in such a big way that it makes me cry.

On Wednesday we got to visit with the hubster's sister, baby boy Tyler =), and the hubster's mother. We had a blast. Only thing I did not cover in prayer was the topic of my miscarriage. I have such peace about it now that I forgot to pray that no one would feel weird or obligated to go out of their way for me. That was the only awkward point is when people would ask about it, like I was fragile. Of course the enemy likes to seize those opportunities when you are not prayed up in a certain area, so I did cry a little on our way home.

We played with Tyler and he is such a happy baby! We had a great lunch, shopping, and helping out around the hubster's sister's house. So much fun!

The biggest blessing of all came the next day when we had called the hubster's grandma in Alabama to wish her happy Thanksgiving. She said she had talked to his mom earlier that day and said she saw how happy we were. That made me cry! (If you can't tell I'm a crier for any ocassion.) The Lord showed His Joy through us like we had prayed and his mother could see it!

Thursday we went to my family's house out in the country. We laughed so hard we were in tears! We loved on everyone, especially the newest member of the family, Brayden. So much love flows in that place. Not everyone walks with the Lord, but love abounds there that the Holy Spirit comes to subdue any issue that may arise. I even got to minister to some cousins!

Man the Lord is good. That is only one of the countless reasons that I am thankful this year! Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

The light at the end of the tunnel

2009-11-21T20:47:00.001-08:00

Almost there! I repeat almost there!

I am almost finished with the physical part of miscarriage. It has certainly felt like a long month. I'm so thankful the Lord has been so good to us. He has healed our hearts and gently spoken to us through this whole process.

I have felt more physically better the last few days so I seem to be regaining some of my old get up and go. I have really come along way in my emotional, spiritual, and thought life healing as well. Yes those negative thoughts and feelings will try to creep up, but the important thing to do is to proclaim that your spirit is in charge of your mind, will and emotions.

Alot of people are amazed that I'm not depressed and I don't see that there is a need to be. All you have to do is trust the Lord and He will see you through. Yes I do cry on occasion, but the Lord holds me through those too.

I have had those moments when I see someone pregnant and I feel that twinge of "why can't that be me?" And the Lord reminds me again, "that is their path, I chose this path for you." He is always right. Praise the Lord because He is the Author of my days! The Lord gives grace when it is needed and He has given me joy for others. I can now celebrate in their bundles of joy with them rather than be jealous of their blessing. My blessing is coming and this experience too is a blessing. The Lord will use this testimony to reach many women who have suffered through child loss. I hope that one day it will speak of His glory!

Things that go bump in the night

2009-11-16T16:55:00.000-08:00

So I'm not a fan of horror movies. I detest them! They open gateways that shouldn't be there. (I used to love them in my heathen days.) Our house has become a host of creeks, scratching, and skittering right out of a horror flick.

Trust me I'm not scared, I'm more annoyed. The creatures that have set up shop up there give us a nightly array of noise. Just now they ran from one end of the house to the other over and over again.

We have set a humane catch and release trap up there, but we have had no takers. I was sure that it was an opossum or a raccoon because they sounded so heavy. Well yesterday I looked out my window at the oaks trees in the front. I saw the HUGEST squirrels I have ever seen in my life. These things were ginormous. They lumbered from tree limb to tree limb. They were not nimble like their smaller and cuter counter parts. These things were beefy! Squirrels on steroids!

It is now entirely possible we have mutant squirrels living in our attic who are super geniuses that are too smart for our pitiful trap. I have searched the Internet and sadly have not found any pics of these freakish monsters.

I shudder to think what could happen if left unchecked...Image courtesy: Flicker

OK maybe now I'm scared. We may need to call in reinforcements...Image courtesy: Wordpress

On second thought...

2009-11-09T14:22:00.001-08:00

So my wait wasn't completely over after all. Saturday night I had extreme pain and ended up going to the emergency clinic the next day because I still have some retained "products of conception." In other words, my miscarriage is not fully done.

The physical pain has been excruciating but I am trying my best to tough it out (not without complaining, but I'm trying to stop that too). They gave me antibiotics to prevent infection. This is supposed to buy me more time in order to pass everything naturally.

The Lord has been so faithful and is holding our hands through this. He hugged me this morning and said "Just a little longer, you can hold on. It's almost over." And I believe Him and I trust Him.

So I wait a little while longer. It's God's way of further testing our faith. I want to pass every test He gives me.

Peace

2009-11-04T17:10:00.000-08:00

The waiting is over. The miscarriage completed yesterday. My body was still under the impression that I was pregnant so I had to help it along with drugs. I took Misoprostol and an herbal remedy a friend provided on Monday night about 8 PM.

I started cramping around 10 PM and it continued into the night. It was painful and frustrating because of the lack of bleeding. I finally started the heavy bleeding at around 7:30 AM yesterday (Tuesday). I stayed in the bathroom pretty much all day.

I was scared at first because of my lack of knowledge, but the Lord saw us through. The hubster was at my side the whole day. We both found strength we didn't know we had. It was from the wellspring that God has placed in us and the knowledge that God knows we could handle this.

I have a peace today that I haven't had in almost two weeks. I feel calm and still. Even my boss could see it today at work when she came in. I have no doubt the Lord will give us children in the future. I have no doubt that He loves us. I have no doubt that He keeps His promises. I have no doubt that He knows what He is doing and His judgements are perfect.

All that is left now: a slight tug at my heart called memory, a small tear in my eye called absence, a leap in my heart called hope, a smile on my face called joy, a knowledge in my mind called faith, a calm in my spirit called peace, and a set of arms around me called Love.

Thank You Lord for You are faithful. I will always carry that with me. You have shown us Your unfailing Love. I am reminded of the lyrics "And You said 'I know that this will hurt, but if I don't break your heart things will just get worse. If the burden seems too much to bear, remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get Us there." Lord I know You chose us to go through this because You knew we could handle it. That we could persevere. I thank You for holding us through all of this and we trust You. Thank You for the wisdom and revelation that we have had through all of this and the wisdom and revelation that is to come. We are in hopeful anticipation of Your will. Praise Your Holy Name!
Amen

Distraction

2009-10-29T19:22:00.000-07:00

Distractions are part of everyday life and definitely a part of the grieving process. Right now my major distractions are the creatures (probably rats) in our attic. Every time I'm in the kitchen, office, or game room at night I hear them scurry about. I have a longer more creepy story that I will wait to tell you all about.

So anyone know any good exterminators or methods of getting rid of unwanted house guests?

Our yard, Pt. 2

2009-10-28T20:20:00.000-07:00

Here are more of our flower bed in our front yard. Yet again sooooooooo thankful. Everything was so beautiful!

Our yard

2009-10-27T16:37:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the pics of the yard today. What wonderful people we have in our lives! Will post more when its complete =)

Waiting...

2009-10-27T12:46:00.000-07:00

So I have been waiting for almost a week for my miscarriage to complete. It's like everyday is Russian Roulette. "Is today the day?" It has been a very trying time. I know the Lord has always tested my patience and helped me grow, but some moments feel like torture. These are the moments when I can barely breathe, where I want to let sorrow over take me. Then I have to push back and say "MY GOD IS BIGGER!"

We have had many opportunities to let our pain become too much. We fight this tooth and nail. Once we go down that road, its so hard to come back. We keep holding onto our promises, soaking in the Word, praying for strength, and accepting love and guidance from the Lord and the great people in our lives.

Not everyone has the best advice and some people have actually made me angry. This is when I have to love them with grace. I know they mean well, but not everyone swoops in with the perfect thing to say or do.

The Lord has given us more truths to hold onto during this time:
11. He uses the least severe method to produce the greatest amount of love, in the greatest number of people in the shortest amount of time.
12. We have some really amazing friends and family members! The love we have recieved is overwhelmingly abundant.
13. Just because I feel like my heart is broken in two and one half is with the baby, means that that other half is in Heaven in Jesus' arms. What better place for it to be?
14. I will be on the other side of the bridge. Probably sooner than I know. I will be able to look back and see my starting point and see where I am and where I need to go.
15. I will be ok. My husband will be ok. We will be ok together.
16. We will have children someday (all in the Lord's timing).
17. I refuse to let fear, despair, and bitterness overtake me. This has been a struggle. I will win the fight.
18. I'm so thankful God gave us a child to begin with.
19. I'm so thankful that He knew that I could handle this.
20. I know the Lord loves me and will not leave me in this place of sadness.

We have the most amazing church family. Some of our friends stopped by our house today (the one that has so many things on the lists of repairs that its not even funny) and said they were there to landscape our yard. One of the larger tasks Stu and I have been dreading. The Lord sent them to minister to our hearts through acts of service. How AMAZING!!!! The hubster called me at work and said that he was going to cry. He told me what had happend, then I started to cry, then I told my boss and she started to cry. How touching the love of great friends can be.

Lord, Father, God, Savior, Redeemer, Friend! Thank you for showing up every day in a huge way. Thank you for being our peace and strength. Thank you for being our provider. Thank you for giving us the support we need from the people around us. Thank you for continued healing of our hearts. Lord we trust you and your judgments are perfect.
Amen

On loss

2009-10-21T18:11:00.000-07:00

Everything is still so fresh. Every time someone talks to me and consoles me, I relive it. Stu and I found out this morning that our precious baby passed away a few weeks ago. We are now just waiting on the miscarriage to be complete. It is hard to even type let alone say. But I push on because writing is therapeutic for me. Not that anyone wants to read, but because I need to get it out.

We prayed for a baby. We had a promise from the Lord and we were so excited. Our prayers were answered very quickly. We found out we were pregnant on our two year anniversary. We were over joyed and ready for the blessing and challenge.

We had 9 wonderful weeks where we talked, prepared, and prayed in thanksgiving.

I had some light spotting periodically but one doctor told me its normal as well as several friends. I pushed my fears aside. I kept praying for fear to leave and faith to come. And faith did come. I was not fearful. I had no doubt the Lord wanted to give us a baby. I just didn't know it was not going to be this baby.

We were calling him Blueberry (or Bluebert or Blueopolis) until we found out what gender he was. (I will call it a he because we both had dreams it was a boy.) There were few things here and there that we would pick up at the store or at Babies R' Us. My mother, bless her heart, she had already bought the travel system and crib (without us knowing). She was just so excited for us.

I had more spotting on Tuesday and this time it was slightly heavier. I began to fear again. I knew in the pit of my stomach that something was not right. I happened to have clients at work when it was happening. They are both friends and one is my pastor. They both prayed for me to have peace and for the health of the baby. I called the birthing center to see if they could squeeze me in and they said that they could the next day (Wednesday, October 21).

I kept telling my husband that I was nervous and he was so brave and kept telling me its going to be fine. He didn't want to tell me he was unsure as well. I had this nagging feeling that our lives would change that day. We went in for our ultrasound.

When we were looking on the monitor I kept thinking everything looks so still. I saw the gestational sac and it was still small. My heart began to race. I would ask the tech what she was seeing if anything and she told me that the care provider has to go over ultrasounds with the patients. She left the room to get one of the midwives.

I was trying not to panic because what she left on the screen was our baby and he was too small to be a 9 week old baby. I knew this was it. Melanie (one of the sweetest women) came in and told us that our baby had passed away a couple of weeks ago. It was probably one of the most surreal moments I have ever had. It's like when you are waking up from a dream that felt so real and your not sure if that was reality or what your waking up to is. I instantly started to cry. I had two sets of thoughts: "No, this is not happening" and "Oh no, this is really happening."

It was hard to look at my husbands face through all of this. He cried but was so quiet. It's hard to see the man you love in pain.

She was consoling us and helping explain things and I told her that we know the Lord has a plan. I don't think she was expecting that. She said the best thing to do is to let my body pass the baby naturally because my body will heal faster.

She said we could stay in the room as long as we needed. Our pastor (totally a God thing) had called to check on us because he had prayed for us the day before. I told him the sad news and he prayed with us over the phone in that ultrasound room. You never understand how comforting prayers are until you have been saved and you truly need it.

The tech came back in and told us she was so sorry and she was not allowed to give us that news legally. I told her it was OK and she hugged me. We got to the car and began to "rip the band-aid off" by calling family members so they could start telling the rest of the family. We knew that would be very hard. Telling people over and over.

We came home and prayed, cried, numbed ourselves with movies, took calls when we felt strong enough too, and mostly just were together. We both talked about it and there are unshakable truths to this whole situation.
1. Our baby is in heaven with the Lord. We are so happy for him! He does not have to go through this rough life.
2. Our baby's mission in life is complete. His time was short, but he had a purpose. We are so proud of him for completing his purpose in all of our lives.
3. The Lord does have a plan. We trust His will.
4. We have hope. The Lord has given us a promise and He will complete in me the good work He started. The Lord is faithful.
5. We have faith and are rebuking fear. We are not scared or angry, we have faith that we will see the Lord's glory in all of this.
6. We want to display the Lord's glory in this situation. We want those around us to know that we love the Lord in good times and bad and that His judgements are perfect.
7. He is healing my heart faster than I expected. He is giving me more joy than sorrow.
8. We will miss our little one. There was this little bundle that we were so excited to meet. Now that it is gone we miss him.
9. We know we will meet our little one someday.
10. We know that this experience will always be with us. It will be a bittersweet memory forever. But I hope we can look back and say wow, look at what God did!

I know we have much more to learn from this experience and I'm open to receive these lessons.

Thank You, Lord for giving us such a great gift and we know that children are not ours, but on loan from you. You send them when they are needed here and call them home when they are needed there. I trust everything You have for us. I believe in Your will and will follow it all the days of my life.
Amen

*This took me a few days to write because of all the emotions behind it.

The Joy.... Pt 2

2009-10-13T23:45:00.000-07:00

Of the Lord is my strength. Does a certain scripture sometimes pop up at you over and over. It usually happens when you need it most. It is the Lord's gentle reminder that He is your Rock and Fortress.

I'm up super late again and this time its because of morning sickness. Most women would groan at that phrase and yes I groan at the experience to some extent. But I find joy in my morning sickness, achy muscles, headaches, foggy brain, and random leg cramps. Mostly because the Lord will complete in me the good work He started.

Another reason this scripture comes to mind (and another reason I am up so late) is my husband and I decided to be bold for the Lord with family members and it ended not so well. The decision was a hard one, but we were obedient to His word. This has been on our hearts for over a year and it has finally come into the light and we are left with roaches scattering trying to find a safe place to dwell again.

I have no doubt that we made the right decision. I have no doubt that the Lord will take care of us. I just feel weary and its only beginning. This is why "The Joy of the Lord is my Strength!" I know I can find joy in this situation. If I can find it in adversity, if I can find it in a loss, if I can find it in the darkest places in my life, heck if I can find it in morning sickness, I can find it in this. If His Joy strengthens, then Lord bring on the JOY!

I submit this prayer request. Please pray for us and our family members who do not understand the choices and decisions we make based on our relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ. Please pray for the joy that strengthens to reside in our hearts.

Oh that brain of mine

2009-10-11T00:52:00.000-07:00

Insomnia has kicked in at 1:20 AM. I'm hoping my brain will slow down so I can go back to sleep. I am after all creating a new life and need the rest. The hubster came home from his job and I was wide awake.

I think it is all the plotting and planning for baby's arrival. I searched for gender neutral fabric all Saturday and alas found none that I liked. Then when he came home I started thinking about all the cute things I could do to the room and then all stuff we will need to baby proof the house. Now my brain is racing. Hopefully a little internet surfing will help slow things down.

Sweet dreams to all of you out there that are still up and trying to sleep. I'm praying for rest for all of us.

The Lord is Faithful

2009-09-27T18:06:00.000-07:00

A tiny announcement! We are expecting!!!!! Ok, not so tiny after all. We are so excited to be expectant parents.

We found out on our anniversary and confirmed with the doctor that Wednesday. We are about 6 weeks along at this point.

The Lord is faithful and blesses obedience. We had been struggling with the decision for awhile and the Lord had been pressing on our hearts. So we said ok, Lord, your our Father, Provider, and the Author of our days. We ttc for less than a month and God blessed us!

We cannot wait to meet our little one. I will update on baby soon!

So Thankful

2009-09-14T13:50:00.000-07:00

I'm so thankful for the wonderful man God has fashioned for my life. Happy 2 year Anniversary honey! I love you more than words can describe!

September 11th

2009-09-11T18:00:00.000-07:00

I remember everything about 9-11-01. I even remember what I was wearing (black quarter sleeve blouse, khaki pants with frayed legs, and black boots). Eight years ago today, I was standing in my bathroom getting ready for my college classes for the day. As I walked out I saw that my sister was watching Regis & Kelly. I paused to see who was on that day when the news interrupted the show for breaking news.

I saw the smoldering building of the World Trade Center and I thought "what a horrible accident." Then the second plane hit and I thought "now that's not normal." But I didn't think it was an attack. I didn't listen to the radio on the way to class because I didn't want to hear about all the people dead or dying. I wanted to stay in my secure bubble and not listen to the bad things going on outside of my safe haven. When I got to school, our Texas history professor was so distraught and he said to go home, watch the news, class was cancelled.

Everyone converged on the student center to watch the big screen TV. We watched in horror as report after report came in. Terrorists had come to our land and killed out people. My secure bubble was popped.

We all have our "where were you when 9-11 happened" stories. We all felt strong emotions that day. Many of us still do. I pray today for the families that lost someone. I pray for the families of those who hijacked the planes. I pray for their salvation. I pray for protection. I pray for those still serving in the war. I pray for our nation.

Alot of praying goes on on days like today. What we need to do is not just pray today, but pray everyday for all these things. Immediately after 9-11 churches were full every Sunday for a month. A revival in America, but it was short lived. We settled back into our complacency and God became silent in many lives again.

It's not that God is silent, it's that we are not listening. We need to seek Him first in all things. We need to pray what's on His heart. The only way to know what's on His heart is to listen. We need to become sensitive to His voice. And we need to do it willingly, wholeheartedly.

I read on someone's Facebook status a few days ago, something that shook me to the core. "If God where to answer all of your prayers today, what would change? Your world or THE world?" This has been a big area of conviction for me. How often do we seek what is on our hearts and not God's? I know I can answer "not enough".

Let's press in for our nation, state, city, neighborhood, street. Let's pray for those around us. Let's pray for God's will to come to our minds. Let's pray for God to make His presence known in our city, state, and nation. Let's thank Him for the freedom we enjoy and ask that it not be taken away from us. Let's thank Him for those who give their lives for this country. But let's pray this everyday!

Book Review: Peace by Piece

2009-09-10T07:48:00.000-07:00

The amazing true story of Peter Loth written by his daughter Sandra Kellog Rath. He recounts his life in post WWII Poland. How he grew up, was sent to orphanages, torn away from the only mother he had known several times, abused horrendously, and suffered rejection everywhere he went all because of a heritage he knew nothing about.

Peter came to learn much later in life after cultivating a spirit of bitterness, that he was born in Stutthoff concentration camp in Poland and his real mother had given him to a Polish woman to save his life. He experienced rejection everywhere he lived because he was a Jew and the hatred did not leave after the war was over.

He grew up with hatred and revenge in his heart. It wasn't until he went back to Poland as a man that Jesus showed him the way of forgiveness. He also began to learn about his past and ministering to those around him about this incredible testimony.

Peter came to our church a few months ago and shared some of his story and some very disturbing and graphic images from the Holocaust. Every single person was moved to tears. He is an incredible man! He is very Spirit led and has powerful discernment.

I also had the privilege to interview him at the radio station I work at. He was such a delight and the presence of the Lord filled our entire studio.

I highly recommend this book along with Corrie ten Boom's book. They both recount a very dark time in our history that we most certainly will see again in the future.

The power of life and death...

2009-09-09T11:13:00.000-07:00

Is in the tongue. We can speak words of life into a situation or we can speak death.

In my toddler like walk with the Lord, I find myself asking this question often. How do you deal with people who constantly speak death?

For example, when talking about a particular person and asking an opinion about something you want to tell them, they immediately say "oh they won't recieve that" or "they will never listen to you." Other common phrases usually heard are "they will never change," "why even bother", "I hope they get what's coming to them", "I'm not going to even try", "you will never get the things you want", etc. Many people don't know that what you speak is alot of the time what happens in the situation.

It's like going into a situation prepared to fail and fully expecting to. What if we stepped out of the way, spoke words of life and fully expected God to bring the victory? How would that change the atmospheres we are in?

I know I'm guilty of this offense of speaking death, but now that I'm more aware of it I try to take my thoughts captive and speak life instead. I want to change atmospheres around me. I want to take authority whereever I go, but by speaking life by casting out things that hinder love and saying and expecting great things to happen because they are of our Father in Heaven.

On the other side of all of this, now that I'm more aware of it, I also notice how often others speak death into the situations of others, themselves, and even me (and to my face). I have had people openly curse me to my face not knowing they are speaking death into my life.

How do you gently correct that? Does it have to be gentle (cause sometimes I really don't want to be)? How do you rebuke the curse of another so that it does not bear fruit in your life?

These are the questions I want to know. It has haunted me for a few months and it seems more pertinent now. The Lord has really put it on my heart to look for answers. Anyone know of any particular scriptures?

Book Review: The Hiding Place

2009-08-09T19:03:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. This amazing story of bravery and faithfulness has stirred my spirit!

Corrie ten Boom was an extraordinary Christian woman who helped hide and transport Jews during World War II in the underground resistance in Haarlem, Holland. She and her family were captured and imprisoned. She and her sister were the ones to make it to a Nazi termination camp. She and her sister refused to let hatred eat them up and chose to bless their captors and minister to those around them in the camp.

This book touched my heart in a special way. I could not put it down and cried, laughed, rejoiced, and anguished over each and every person in the book. I was so moved and have recommended it to many people so far. There are so many deep truths that her Father (both here on earth and her Heavenly Father) shared with her over this time of imprisonment.

She survived the termination camp to tell how God's grace and guidance saw her through. She became an amazing evangelist for the Lord, travelling worldwide to share God's love.

Her story has given me a deeper thirst for the Lord. I want to be so fervently seeking the Lord that I can forgive and love my enemies without question in my heart. It also has made me want to examine our current world situation and think about if it were to happen again in my lifetime. Some great things to ponder and seek the Lord about!

Wonderful book. Suggested to all!

A Call to Intercession...

2009-08-07T14:04:00.000-07:00

By now most every American has heard about the Health Care Bill that is being proposed by President Obama. Some are for and some are against.

I have heard alot about this bill and will most definitely say that I am against it! Whole heartedly against it. It feels like the liberal contingents in the nation are spitting on the foundation of our nation with this bill.

Universal health care does not work and never will work. The Former Prime Minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi, came to AMERICA to have his heart operation. Italy has universal health care and even the prime minister knew that he would not recieve proper care. Doctors from Canada come in droves to the U.S. because they can actually build a life here.

If you actually sit down and read some of what is proposed it will make you cringe. Mandatory counseling for the elderly on euthinasia, government interference with marriages, tax payers pay for abortions, birth limits on how many kids a family can have (Hello China!), government say on who lives and dies... The list goes on.

It is not God's will for a nation to support any of these things. He is grieved by these things and it is time for intercessory prayer to help change the hearts of lawmakers. We need to seek Him in all these things to come. We need to look at the wisdom of our founding fathers. They had wisdom that surpassed their generation. They knew what it took to make the nation great and I think it's time we refresh ourselves on our history. It is time to fall on our knees and repent.

The Joy...

2009-06-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

Photo taken from flickr

Of the Lord is my strength!

The Lord showed up in a BIG way this past weekend. This past week I have felt renewed passion for Him and a renewed sense of love from Him. The Lord has opened the door to my heart and has been pouring into it.

My darling friend Kim spent Saturday with me and we had the BEST time. We had great fellowship and enjoyed each other's company. Things got intense when we returned to my house after I lost my wallet at the movies (only negative blip on the radar screen this weekend). She hung with me while I cancelled debit cards and such. Then we started talking about the Lord and all the revelations we had been having recently.

The experience following the start of the conversation was unbelievable! The Holy Spirit was so thick in our abode that we were overwhelmed with joy. We were silly, we laughed, we praised God with gladness. He revealed serious things to us that we were totally joyful for. It is so much that it's almost hard to describe.

We prayed for our lives, for our husbands, for whatever the Lord laid on our hearts. I have been craving this breakthrough for so long. We had the most enjoyable day with the Lord.

I hope that everyone can feel the Joy of Jesus! I pray for widespread revelation of His Joy to each and every heart. Pray for Him to open your eyes, hearts, and spirits to greater understanding of Him!

Tyler Dale

2009-06-26T18:32:00.000-07:00

10 tiny fingers...

1 cute button nose...

One happy new mom...

One proud papa...

Welcome to the world Tyler Dale. Born 6/17/09 at 5:43 PM. Weight: 10 lbs 6 oz. Length 21 inches long. We love you, thank God for you and pray for a happy healthy life for you. Praise God for this little miracle. Don't believe me on the weight, scroll down. He was a hefty one, lol.

Blessings to you my sweet nephew!

June 17, 2009...

2009-06-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

Our sweet nephew Tyler is being born today! The sis-in-law is up at the hospital as I type. I'm trying to get out of work as soon as possible. I have clients in and I'm getting anxious. I keep eyeing the clock and screaming with my brain "hurry up!".

I'm so excited. The hubster is too cause this is his first time being an uncle! I will post pics soon.

The day is ending....

2009-06-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

The Lord knew I needed encouragement and He sent it my way in His perfect timing. I'm rejoicing! He sent me on a mission several years ago. I have grown weary and needed push after push over the last few weeks. I have tried to persevere. It has been difficult, but God is bringing the back up I need!

A dear friend of mine came by today and I told them my story about loving with boundries and taking a step back. They told me that they knew my struggle and that if my mission were thought of as a day, I would be in the late afternoon. WHEW! I was worried I was still in the morning!

The Lord has provided the people and support I need to get through. I was so worried that I was being selfish by taking the step back. But God is the one releasing me to do this. Oh that devil is a tricky liar. It's not that I don't want this mission, its just that as this mission has matured, there is less need of my ministry services in this particular area. It is finally happening. THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU LORD! Seriously I can't shout it enough!

God is faithful and He is so kind to give what is needed at the right time!!!!

House update

2009-06-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

Just letting you know that our house is coming along quite nicely. It has been almost 3 months since we have lived there and still no pictures yet, but they will be up soon. We forced ourselves into a deadline. We said that we would host our church small group this month which is the third Sunday of the month. We have until June 21st to get a substantial portion done on the house to make it entertainable.

The kitchen is almost done, working on cabinet doors, drawers, looking for a screen door to cut down for our pantry, and all around organizing and unpacking. Guest bathroom needs to be painted, decorated, new light fixture, and a new toilet installed (don't want everyone going through our bedroom to get to the toilet). Hallway needs to be painted, pictures hung and a new light fixture. The other two bedrooms are fine for now because they will be future kid's rooms and we don't want to bother with them right now.

We need to install a new toilet in our bathroom as well. Front entryway needs to be repainted (wrong color green is on the walls right now which makes it look like minty fresh). The craft room/office needs some serious organization! Which my friends Julia and Carrie have so wonderfully offered to help.

Our game room will be last on the list which doesn't neccissarily have to be done before our small groups, just before our house warming party (which we hope to host a month later in July).

Some other repairs needing to be made: New french doors to our back patio (which needs to happen soon), new front door (which can wait for a while), gutters, outdoor landscaping, fill dirt, and in the fall we need new insulation.

Man when I put it down on blog, it looks like a never ending list. Which I know everyone says, "you are never done with your house" and I believe that, but it almost seems unattainable. I just have to keep reminding myself, "I think I can" like the train or "just keep swimming" like Dory.

God is good and He is faithful! We are so blessed to be working on a house! Our house!

Mother's Day

2009-05-09T18:55:00.001-07:00

First off: Happy Mother's Day to all mothers, future mothers, like-a-mothers, aunts, sisters, daughters, etc. Hope you all have a wonderful day and you rejoice with your family as they celebrate YOU!

I have the honor of having two moms. My mother and my grandmother! They both were my mother if you can follow me on this one.

My mother had a very unfortunate accident when she was young that caused her to have epilepsy. She could not sustain a job when we were young that would provide adequate health care due to her condition. So when I was 7 and my sister was 8, my grandmother and grandfather adopted us in order to provide for us. This was a huge turning point in our lives as you can imagine.

My mom continued to be there, but her role as mother was fading. I know this was horribly unfair to everyone involved because my mom felt horrible for having to make that choice, my grandparents were upset because they could no longer be our grandparents, and we kids could not understand any of this. We were so confused.

My grandfather passed away shortly after the adoption was finalized. So it left me, my sister, my mom and grandma in the house with each other. My mom eventually remarried and moved out and we were with my grandmother until we went off to college. She was our legal mother after all.

We did not see her side of things for a long time because it seemed so unfair. We wanted to be with our mommy. Little did we know that we got the best of both worlds.

Only looking back now after life has grown me up quite a bit (I have more to go of course), can I understand the sacrifice they both made to give us the best life possible. My grandmother raised me with integrity, strength, character, belief in God, morals, a sense of right and wrong, hard work, ethics, essentially everything I will need in life to be a good person. My mother raised me with kindness, gentleness, belief in God, caring, compassion, generosity, tender heartedness, unconditional love, essentially everything I will need in life to be a good person.

My grandmother passed away almost two years ago now and it was heartbreaking. I wish I would have told her more that I loved her and that I respected her. I wish I would have thanked her more for all that she did.

My mother and I have become better friends (we were pretty great friends before, but it just gets better and better). I try to tell her how much I love her and respect her and am thankful to her, but I know I don't do it enough. I will strive to do better. I do not want a day to go by that I don't thank God for her.

I can now look back at the facts of the situation then and not have those teenager-ish emotions of entitlement, anger, unfairness, etc. I never lacked in love. I always had their love and support. I have had a wonderful life, due in large part to these two women. I love them both and am so appreciative of what they have done and continue to do for me.

They both had their strong suits and they both instilled it in me. For that I am truly grateful. I praise and thank God the day He made these two women and I thank Him even more that He made them my mothers.

The Hardest People to Minister To...

2009-04-21T11:12:00.000-07:00

That would be our families. How is it the people we are closest to, we feel we cannot speak candidly about our faith? We love these people so much and we want to see them in the new kingdom.

I find it particularly difficult because it can cause rifts in a family when one segment is saved and others are not. My husband and I are experincing this right now. We both have a love for our family, but there is only a small portion that can truly understand.

We are the "crazy Christians" lol. I have felt called to pray for these people and pray for the lost in general. God is wanting me to cry out to Him about all the lost in all the nations. I have felt the deep desire He has for our family as well.

I want to seek His guidance in this issue and learn to discern where each member is at so that I can more effectively share The Word. I feel that in our flesh we want these members to love us and feel that they will no longer love us if we discuss our faith with them. I have seen it time and time again were one person is ousted because of their faith in Jesus Christ.

I have the wonderful privaledge of knowing several people who are in the same boat as the hubster and I. One good friend told about she has nothing to do with her family or her husband's because they are atheists and literally hate their transformation. This makes me weep.

Why is Jesus's name so offensive? The only answer that I can think of in my limited mind is the fact that people will hate us because they hate Him. This too makes me weep. How can anyone hate our Perfect Father in Heaven? He created us and knows our every hair on our heads.

Another thing that comes to mind is that they are so wrapped up in themselves that they cannot see what God wants for them. He wants the best becauce he only gives the best!

I spoke with a friend at church about this heart cry God has given me and she said that she prays Ephesians 1:17-19 17 (I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit[f] of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength) for her son everyday. It made me want to hug her. I could not imagine the heartbreak she must feel as a mother who's child is lost.

I want to encourage you that you may join the cause. That you may pray in unity with me and others in the Body of Christ in our prayer for the lost.

Aint no party....

2009-04-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

Like a TEA Party! It was awesome I must say.

I originally went to support our station KAFR 88.3 FM (heard in the North Houston area) because we are active in these issues. (Nice plug huh!) I do believe in what the TEA Party stands for, but was not ready for the impact it had on our community and nation.

Final count when we left the Party, we asked how many people registered when they came in and it was 7,500! And to think of the people that didn't register that just showed up and bypassed the tables altogether. Sadly I was one of those people because I got there late and was frantically looking for our table.

I do think we have been Taxed Enough Already. I do believe that conservative opinions and media have been given a bum rap. When did the word conservative become a four letter word? Apparently we are considered "extremists". How extreme is it to think that we should have fair taxes? How extreme is it to believe that you are paid a fair wage for an honest days work instead of waiting for a government handout? It seems like common sense to me and 7,500+ people in my area.

I want my future children to grow up with a higher standard of living. I fear the legacy being passed down to them will lower the bar. Our government has been horribly flawed for years, but this new administration has spent more money in the first few months than other administrations did in 4 years.

Our nation started out blessed and has gone away from the Bible's teachings over the years. We have become a secular nation and for that I am sad. Our nation needs to get back to the basics. That we are governed both corporately and individually by an absolute Truth.

I pray daily for our nation. I pray for repentance and for our hearts to turn to Him.

One sign that a young girl was carrying around that really hit home said "The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." Those prophetic words were spoken by Thomas Jefferson. This is the same man that penned the Bill of Rights and Constitution. He knew full well what a good government should be. Something else he said that is especially true is "A democracy is nothing more than mob rule, where fifty-one percent of the people may take away the rights of the other forty-nine. "

I encourage you to get involved with a stance, any stance. I would prefer you choose my side (but then debate would never exist). Because "if you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything."

I will leave you with one last Jefferson quote that spurs me more than ever to seek the Truth in all things political, spiritual, economic, etc. "All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent."

Here to tell the truth

2009-04-12T14:41:00.000-07:00

I'm not here for you to like me, I'm here to tell the Truth! God calls us to tell the truth. His Truth. Which is Jesus Christ. And on this Resurrection Sunday, I am compelled to tell the truth.

My husband and I do not celebrate Easter or Christmas in the traditional sense. We love the Lord Our God with all our hearts, but these celebrations are not for Him. The Lord revealed to us over the last year and a few months of being born again that these celebrations are paganizations of what we believed were wholly Christian celebrations.

It has been a shock, but God has been gentle with us. Who doesn't love a jolly fat man and a guy dressed up as a bunny? Well, frankly me...now. I used to love these holidays, but after reading the facts, my spirit cannot reconcile the traditions together with the doctrine.

And the doctrine in The Word is thus:

2 Corinthians 6:14-16 (KJV): Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infedel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

I will celebrate however, the awesome power of God. The miracle of Jesus' birth, His sacrifice at the cross, and the glorious day He rose from the grave to give us life eternally. We have done away with pagan traditions and mass marketing ploys (Santa, Easter Bunny, Eggs, Trees, etc). We will be the most popular house on the block, lol.

But, we are not here for a popularity contest, we are here to obey God. Whatever He asks, we will do obediently.

I'm also not here to condemn anyone who participates. I'm just doing what God has called me to do. I know plenty of Christians who celebrate each of these holidays to varrying degrees because the Lord has led them to those conclusions (i.e. No Santa, but a tree. Santa and a Tree, but focus on Jesus. No Santa, no tree, etc. No bunny, but egg hunts. The list could go on).

I just felt compelled today to pour out my heart on these matters because it is so strong that I cannot shake it. I am thankful for this Sunday because it reminds me of what an awesome God we have. I love Resurrection Sunday, Good Friday and Maundy Thursday. All are wonderful to observe, but we will do it with less chocolate...

If you want to do some research of your own here are some helpful websites:

http://www.religioustolerance.org/easter1.htm

http://www.lasttrumpetministries.org/tracts/tract1.html

http://www.history.com/content/easter/pagan-origins

Who loses a king size mattress...

2009-03-28T22:17:00.001-07:00

On South Bound I-45 at 9 PM in the evening? That would be me!

A good friend of ours was gracious enough to let us borrow her king size mattress and box springs as they are very expensive and we already have so many other expenses with the new house and all. I was so excited because the rest of our furniture came in today and I wanted to surprise the hubster.

The plan was to go pick up the mattress on the sly and get it back to the house and set it all up. Well, the first part worked out, not so much the last part. I got to my friends house and loaded up the mattress. We started heading from her place in Willis down to our place in Shenandoah. Apparently we didn't get far. As soon as got onto the freeway and picked up speed to the speed limit. The mattress was gone (box springs were fine btw)!

I am borrowing my dad's truck and it is such a smooth ride I didn't even feel it. I couldn't see it either because my back window was blocked by all the stuff in the cab. My friend was following me with one of her friends. They both did not see it until they passed it up. Even my friend didn't see it, her friend did (she thought he was crazy).

Well both trucks turned around and started our search and rescue mission. We were all concerned for the safety and well being of our fellow drivers as well as the mattress not being damaged. When we went back (not even 5 minutes had passed) the mattress was GONE! Almost as if it never was there. We drove past so many times and we saw no trace.

I'm not going to be angry or upset about this situation because really it is laughable. Who loses a king size bed on the freeway? Will I laugh about this story 10 years from now? Absolutely, I'm laughing right now as a matter of fact. It was an unforseeable event that occured and was unavoidable. No use in crying over spilled milk.

Don't get me wrong, do we need the extra expense of a new mattress? No, but obviously someone saw the mattress on the road and picked it up. They probably needed it more than we did anyway. I hope it blesses them.

It's funny how you view things through a new life perspective. It makes the bad stuff not seem so bad and the random crisis seem funny. It's all in your response. Are you going to sweat it out until you have a nervous breakdown, heart attack, or stroke? No, absolutely not! I know who my provider is and He is the only one who knows what is next for me and mine. I think I will stand in His line!

On the topic of revenge...

2009-03-23T10:07:00.000-07:00

I was whole heartedly convicted at church yesterday. We are learning about Revelation and the End Times. The sermon led to the topic of offense, revenge and forgiveness. I was so moved I cried.

I hate to say it, but I do find myself plotting "I'll show them" moments on occassion. It is hard to admit, but I do. I despise that about myself. I think it all started with my stubborn attitude when I was little. When someone would tell me "you can't do that," my famous phrase would pop up "I'll show you!". I never thought about it as revenge, but it is. Even if it is something great we are going to accomplish, it is still a revengeful attitude.

The whole thing is about changing your attitude towards people and situations. If we are doing something good out of bad motivations, that makes what we are doing null and void. We need to do things out of the GOODNESS of our heart and not to PROVE A POINT!

Romans 12:19: Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
Revenge is God's. Not ours. If we take up the offense we end up looking like the fool. If we put it in God's hands where it belongs, he can vindicate and fight for us better than we ever could.

I literally struggle with this daily. I have a few people in my life that I want to just shake and say "how can you give me an unfair judgement! You don't even know me!" I have not done this though I really want to. But I have not fully given the offense to God. I have to a measure, and I have been given a measure of favor in return. If I give it all to God he will make it good. Because he works all things for good!

Words to live by: Romans 12:20-21
On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I know I need to start checking my motivations and also discern the motivations of others. I will be continually praying this into my life because I do want to love and do good things, but with a clean and pure heart. Not a heart that wants to "show them" how good I can be.

Mission Statement

2009-03-20T10:54:00.000-07:00

This is not so much a real mission statement as an update to individual missions God has placed on the hearts of those around me.

Today is a powerful day! Do you feel it in the air? I know I do!

I want to start off by saying that God gives people areas where he wants each of us to minister, whether to a group, individual, intercession for something on His heart, etc. I know my mission and it is to minister to people on an individual level and I praise God for this! This may not last forever he may call me to intercession for world events or call me to minister to groups. I'm waiting on his direction, but this is where he has planted me so far.

I have been called to minister to a specific individual and we have been good friends for years now. She has a plethora (sp?) of medical issues and I went with her a few weeks ago when she had to call the on call doctor at her doctors office to come in on a Saturday. He was quick, efficient, and seemed to genuinely want to get to the bottom of things. We left the office and I looked at her and said, "that's your new doctor." Her other doctors were not helping her and this guy took time away from his family to be there to help her and not just "patch her up" and send her on her way. He really wanted to find the problem and address it.

She went in for her checkup today, with this new doctor, and she got to minister to him! He has a deep hurt from losing his 4 year old daughter a few years ago. She drowned in their swimming pool. He told her he is angry at God and doesn't know how to fix that. She looked him in his tearfilled eyes as he was confessing these things unsolicited and she told him, "God gave up his child too." She told him this to remind him that God knows that pain all too well and he empothizes! She called to tell me how it all went and I had to rejoice! I praise God that she is picking up her missions as well.

My dear husband is at a funeral today for a good friend's father. He was a wonderful, well loved, and well lived man. He struggled with cancer for a few years and the Lord called him home. I believe my husbands presence is ministering to the family and is also being ministered to in return. I continue to pray for the family because losing a loved one is difficult.

I feel so renewed today because of all of this! Praise God for His swiftly moving hand throughout our lives!

The Windows to the Soul...

2009-03-01T13:20:00.001-08:00

Psalm 27:4One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

God revealed himself to me in a very powerful way today at church. I have been going to this church for over a year now and have strongly felt that I was called to this church along with my husband.

For the past year I have felt a slight disconnect with the other members. I didn't feel like I belonged, like I was not worthy of joining this fellowship. I have felt that my husband fit in perfectly, but not me for some reason. I thought I was still too "bad" to be allowed to operate fully at the church. And it was my own insecurities and the lies the enemy has planted. Never the less, I felt the seperation.

I did not want to feel the seperation. I wanted to feel like I belonged, that there was a place for me there. I went to church this morning not expecting a change in my feelings, but there was one. A HUGE one!

When I walked through the doors, the air was different. I taught my Sunday school class and they responded to the lesson more than they ever have (not that the kids are unruly in any way, because they are 99% of the time little angels!).

I got into the sanctuary for worship time and it was like God had removed this film over my eyes and I could see clearly for the first time. I looked around the room and everyone was so beautiful! It's like they were all glowing from the inside out. I was just stunned at the beauty of God flowing from every single person! I would look into their eyes and I literally saw God starring back at me. I cannot describe how amazing that felt.

At that moment, I felt the connection. Whatever was holding me back, no longer was there. It was removed and I loved every single person, member or visitor, it didn't matter. I was part of something bigger. It was something that I felt was missing and now was found! I was connected to all these amazingly wonderful people through Jesus Christ!

I was marvelling at his beauty. I saw his beauty in the way a child touched his mother's hair. I saw his beauty in the sincerity in which the worship leader sang. I was literally awestruck and dumbfounded. I'm surprised I can even put it into words (very poorly I might add) right now. I could never find the exact words to describe God's beauty.

I sat amazed. Then our awesome pastor stepped forward and asked for people to come up and tell about how they feel God is beautiful. I was amazed yet again. But I still could not find the words. I did not go forward, because I could not even voice it till after church was over for hours. I think God had shown me a glimpse of his love for everyone and it was a private revelation at the moment. I think he was trying to break those insecurities off of me by showing me his amazing grace.

I stand before you all now a free woman. I am released from those shackles that held me down for so long. I no longer need to worry and fret over who does and does not like me or whether I should have not said something at the risk of sounding silly. He came and healed that part of me today and I know it will be a fight to keep those old wounds from coming back, but I know this part of my life is over. PRAISE GOD!

Verse of the Week...

2009-02-19T11:49:00.000-08:00

I frequently visit Biblegateway.com for several reasons. One thing I enjoy is their verse of the day. Some speak to me more than others, but today's really hit me.
“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”- 1 John 4:11-12

To love one another is one of the hardest things we as humans will ever have to do. I find it so difficult to smile and say loving things to someone who cuts you off in traffic, the naysayers, etc. It is a daily struggle. I have not acheived the goal of loving my family and friends as God would want us to, let alone strangers I come across.

The love I speak of is unconditional. It is unrelenting, unyeilding, unshakeable love. God loves us so much and he loves us without the condition of "what's in it for me." It is the most unselfish open love anyone will ever experience.

I want to be able to love someone in the face of resistence. I want to love everyone equally. I want to have someone yell at me and I can look at them and say "I love you." Not that I really want someone to yell at me, but I want the ability to love in the face of danger to myself, my loved ones, or what may come.

I have felt the change in me since my salvation. I have had more compassion for people, which I didn't think was possible. I do have a considerable amount of compassion for people to begin with, but I always thought it was a negative attribute. My mother is so incredibly tender hearted and would cry at the drop of a hat and I saw it as weak. I thought I was weak because I do care for people and when they take advantage of the compassion it hardens your heart. I felt I was being hardened and I want to break that down and become vulnerable again.

I have also been able to discern peoples motivations. When they are mean or ugly to me or people I know, I can have sympathy for them because I know where their heart is. And that place is so much harder to deal with. It makes me want to hug them for their struggle and tell them its ok, God is on their side.

One thing my boss has repeated from one of her former bosses is "You can't let what people do to you harden your heart to others." This is so true, but so often we let those wounds cover our heart and develop scar tissue. Scar tissue is much harder than regular tissue and when you feel you have been wounded too much you heart becomes one large callous to the outside world.

I have developed the survival instinct of "What's In it for Me" and I don't want to live like that anymore. I want to love with reckless abandon. With complete vulnerability. And I won't be scared to get hurt because I won't be. Because it will be God's love flowing through me. He pours out His Spirit everyday.

I want to be a jar of clay, a vessel for His love. This means taking less offense and taking a leap of faith.

Book Review: The Five Love Languages

2009-02-15T21:46:00.000-08:00

Twice in one day? Just thought I would catch up and answer the call.

I have been reading "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. First off it is incredible! It has revolutionized my marriage in a way I would have never of imagined.

It is also helpful for any relationship especially if you are having trouble communicating love to someone. As children of God we are all called to "love thy neighbor as thyself." This is not always easy.

It explores how we communicate love to our spouse (and others). Our method we choose may not be the best for the individual you are trying to show love to. Let me illustrate:

The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Rarely is a couple using the same language. You read the book then take the quiz in the back to show what areas speak to you most.

I have three major areas and they are: Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Words of Affirmation.

My husband's three major areas are: Physical Touch, Quality Time, and Words of Affirmation.

We were similar in the fact that we both valued quality time and words of affirmation, but those areas needed work because we were not "speaking" them properly. Also, the two major areas that differed were areas that were vitally important and we had no idea.

For example: I love it when my hubby does things around the house, fills up my car, or takes out the trash for no specific reason and without instruction.

My hubby loves just holding my hand when we are sitting next to each other, having a nice little smooch, or a big bear hug.

I love cuddling, but not all the time. He loves cuddling, but he likes it 98% of the time. I'm more like 75%. I did not know how important this was to him and when I didn't want to cause I was distracted or doing something else, it actually felt like rejection to him.

I can't tell you how heartbroken I felt when I discovered this. I never would have wanted him to feel rejected because he is always loved and wanted. By my rejecting his strongest love language "physical touch" I was "saying" to him "you are not wanted." I was not showing him the love the way he needed to be shown.

Our relationship is better than ever. Not that it was horrible before, but we have unlocked a new door in our lives. We have broken down the barrier of lack of communication by saying hey I need an extra hug or my love tank is only half full today (you will understand when you read the book, lol).

If you are having struggles in any relationship in your life, I suggest reading this book. It will make a world of difference!

It's been awhile...

2009-02-15T14:43:00.000-08:00

Just thought I would update the look since it is getting towards spring. The hubby and I have been super busy and the Lord has put so many things on my heart to type out in blog, but I have regretfully let it slip away from me. Everytime I would put it off for a "better" time (and honestly what better time is there than the present) and would come back to put in on the blog, the inspiration had gone. That is what happens when you do not obey His voice. He may find someone else to do your job. I will do my best from now on to be obedient to my calling. Thank you Lord that I have one.

My husband and I have a house that we are looking to close on in a few weeks! We are so excited. God has worked out everything in his timing and this is the place He is leading us. I will post pictures periodically on improvements we are making. We will have to do it little by little, but it will be a home before we know it.

We both just love it despite negative backlash from people. It is an older home so there will have to be updates and improvements and it will take close to 1.5-2 years for all of them to be complete. But of course no one will ever be "finished" on their house. There will always be maintenance and improvements and of course tastes change.

I can't wait to get started and of course we will continue to pray for smooth transactions all around and for our move into a home to be seamless. Please pray for us as well because this is our first home.

Other than that, look for our improvements, "do it yourself" projects, and before and afters.

Thanks for reading!

Back from the blissful snow...

2009-01-29T20:47:00.000-08:00

View outside our room...

Hello again. It has been awhile. I have been super busy what with the honeymoon and all. It was AWESOME by the way! I have completely and totally fallen in love with snow! I can't wait to go back and play till my hearts content.

I have always been fascinated and curious, but never would I have imagined this.

Our rental with 3 inches of snow on top of it!

We spent a glorious week together and we just loved every minute of it. We tried our hands (or legs) at snowboarding. It was fun and hard, but we will be back and we will totally dominate.

We also visited Allentown and went the the Liberty Bell "Shrine". It is the church the Liberty Bell was housed in during the Revolution. The British troops were confiscating all metal to melt down for bullets. The church housed the Liberty Bell and 11 other church bells in the area in it's basement. They had a cool replica that is the same size, shape, metallic composition as the original minus the huge crack. There are only 52 in existence besides the original in Philadelphia. There is one in every state capital building, one in Washington D.C., and then one at this small church. I got to ring the bell! It was loud and I barely tapped it. The guy that showed us around was a wealth of information. He told us things we had never learned in our history books. It was such a small and obscure place that we wouldn't have imagined that neat little museum would have existed.

Went by the Crayola Museum in Easton, PA.

We also tried to make a snowman. We failed miserably, but that's ok. We made a Jabba the snowman. We tried packing the snow and it wasn't working so well and we noticed its blob like shape so we made it a Jabba the Hutt snow figure. He was cute.

The beauty of everything was so breathtaking. I couldn't help but look outside and be joyful! God is always the best artist. Everything was like a painting in a museum. It was perfect everyday. Wow I miss it already. Shoot, I missed it when we were headed to the airport to fly back.

It's ok I will be back! Guaranteed!